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Barry Petchesky

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - MAY 06: Leo Carlsson #91 of the Anaheim Ducks skates during the third period against the Vegas Golden Knights in Game Two of the Second Round of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs at T-Mobile Arena on May 06, 2026 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Jeff Bottari/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Ducks Screwed Themselves

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - JUNE 28: Jarren Duran #16 of the Boston Red Sox is mobbed by teammates after hitting a walk-off single during the tenth inning of a game against the New York Yankees on June 28, 2026 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts. (Photo by Maddie Malhotra/Boston Red Sox/Getty Images)

The Yankees Had A Wretched Weekend In Boston

OTTAWA, ON - APRIL 25: Brady Tkachuk #7 of the Ottawa Senators takes a break during a stoppage in play against the Carolina Hurricanes in Game Four of the First Round of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs on April 25, 2026, at Canadian Tire Centre in Ottawa, ON, Canada. (Photo by Richard A. Whittaker/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Everyone’s Mad About Brady Tkachuk Going To Florida

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - JUNE 14: A person dressed as Spiderman dances as New York Knicks fans celebrate their win against San Antonio Spurs in Game 5 of the NBA Finals on June 14, 2026 in New York City. The New York Knicks lead the San Antonio Spurs 3-1 and could win the franchise's first NBA championship since 1973 if they win tonight.(Photo by Adam Gray/Getty Images)

Scenes From The Street After A Knicks Title

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS - JUNE 13: Jalen Brunson #11 of the New York Knicks shoots the ball past Stephon Castle #5 of the San Antonio Spurs during the fourth quarter in Game Five of the 2026 NBA Finals at Frost Bank Center on June 13, 2026 in San Antonio, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Jalen Brunson Is New York’s Exorcist

RALEIGH, NC - JUNE 11: The puck gets past Carter Hart #79 of the Vegas Golden Knights during game five of the NHL Stanley Cup Final between the Vegas Golden Knights and the Carolina Hurricanes on June 11, 2026 at Lenovo Center in Raleigh, NC. (Photo by Nicholas Faulkner/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

John Tortorella Stands Behind Carter Hart As Hart Fails To Stand In Front Of Four Goals Per Game

Jordan Staal Has Frozen Blood

RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA - JUNE 02: Alexander Nikishin #21 of the Carolina Hurricanes pressures Cole Smith #22 of the Vegas Golden Knights at the boards during the third period of Game One of the Stanley Cup Final between the Vegas Golden Knights and the Carolina Hurricanes at Lenovo Center on June 02, 2026 in Raleigh, North Carolina. (Photo by Brian Babineau/NHLI via Getty Images)

Vegas Squeezed The Canes And Got The Juice

DENVER, COLORADO - MAY 20: Carter Hart #79 of the Vegas Golden Knights allows a goal from Valeri Nichushkin #13 of the Colorado Avalanche during the third period in Game One of the Western Conference Final of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Ball Arena on May 20, 2026 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

I’m So Sick Of The Golden Knights

PORTLAND, OREGON - APRIL 24: Tom Dundon, Portland Trail Blazers owner, looks on before Game Three of the Western Conference First Round Playoffs against the San Antonio Spurs at Moda Center on April 24, 2026 in Portland, Oregon. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Soobum Im/Getty Images)

New Blazers Owner Tom Dundon Not Exactly Inspiring Confidence

Boston, MA - April 15: Joe, a Western Lowland Gorilla, at the Franklin Park Zoo on April 15, 2026. (Photo by Jessica Rinaldi/The Boston Globe via Getty Images)

This Is So Stupid

We Have A Gorilla Trade

DENVER, CO - MAY 13: The Colorado Avalanche celebrate defenseman Brett Kulak (27) of the Colorado Avalanche's overtime goal on goaltender Jesper Wallstedt (30) of the Minnesota Wild during overtime of Game 5 of the second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs on Wednesday, May 13, 2026, at Ball Arena in Denver, Colo. (Photo by Timothy Hurst/MediaNews Group/The Denver Post via Getty Images)

Who’s Stopping These Avs?

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - MAY 10: Hector Borg #80 and Drew Gilbert #0 of the San Francisco Giants prepare for the game against the Pittsburgh Pirates at Oracle Park on May 10, 2026 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Andy Kuno/San Francisco Giants/Getty Images)

The Giants Will No Longer Be Pummeling Each Other With Their Crotches

SECAUCUS, NEW JERSEY - MAY 05: Detailed view of the draft board is shown following the 2026 NHL Draft Lottery at the NHL Network Studio on May 5, 2026 in Secaucus, New Jersey. (Photo by Jared Silber/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Leafs Fell Ass-Backward Into Gavin McKenna

Shots

You’re Not Looking Through 12,000 New Artemis Photos, So Here Are Some Of The Best

TAMPA, FLORIDA - MAY 03: Nikita Kucherov #86 of the Tampa Bay Lightning reacts after the 2-1 defeat against the Montréal Canadiens in Game Seven of the First Round of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Amalie Arena on May 03, 2026 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Mike Carlson/Getty Images)

Tampa Lost An Unlosable Game

ANAHEIM, CA - APRIL 30: Jackson LaCombe #2 and Leo Carlsson #91 of the Anaheim Ducks celebrate a goal scored in the first period of the game against the Edmonton Oilers in Game Six of the First Round of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs at Honda Center on April 30, 2026 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Debora Robinson/NHLI via Getty Images)

Duck, Duck, Goals!

Science

Let Pluto Rest In Dwarf Planet Peace

DALLAS, TX - APRIL 28: Minnesota Wild goaltender Jesper Wallstedt (30) blocks a shot during the Stanley Cup Playoffs First Round game 5 between the Dallas Stars and the Minnesota Wild on April 28, 2026 at American Airlines Center in Dallas, TX. (Photo by Matthew Pearce/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

They Don’t Call Him Jesper Sievestedt

Ty France grabs a ball that is seemingly foul. But it's fair!

That’s A Fair Ball, Believe It Or Not

HOUSTON, TEXAS - APRIL 24: Jazz Chisholm Jr. #13 of the New York Yankees stands on deck in the third inning against the Houston Astros at Daikin Park on April 24, 2026 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images)

Jazz Chisholm Is So Bad At ABS Challenges

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA - APRIL 22: Trevor Zegras #46 of the Philadelphia Flyers celebrates his second period power-play goal against the Pittsburgh Penguins with teammates Christian Dvorak #22, Travis Konecny #11, Matvei Michkov #39, Cam York #8(all in the penalty box), and Jamie Drysdale #9 in Game Three of the First Round of the 2026 Stanley Cup Playoffs at the Xfinity Mobile Arena on April 22, 2026 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Len Redkoles/NHLI via Getty Images)

Philadelphia’s Hottest Club Is The Penalty Box

Did You Hear? Cribl, Axonius, And Netskope Were At The Game

The Earth sets over the Moon, with Orion in the foreground.

This Phone Video From Artemis Is So Damn Cool

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA - FEBRUARY 06: Dianna Russini attends Chris Stapleton's Performance Live From The Fillmore New Orleans for SiriusXM and Pandora on February 06, 2025 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Daniel Boczarski/Getty Images for SiriusXM)