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Billy Haisley

Gio Reyna #7 of the United States scores a goal and celebrates during a Concacaf Nations League game between Trinidad and Tobago and USMNT at Q2 Stadium on November 16, 2023 in Austin, Texas.

The USMNT Only Has One Gio Reyna

Luis Paez-Pumar

Luis Diaz of Colombia celebrates after scoring the team's first goal during the FIFA World Cup 2026 Qualifier match between Colombia and Brazil at Estadio Metropolitano Roberto Meléndez on November 16, 2023 in Barranquilla, Colombia.

Reunited With Kidnapped Father, Luis Díaz Took On Brazil And Won

Ayase Ueda of Japan controls the ball against Thet Hein Soe of Myanmar during the FIFA World Cup Asian 2nd qualifier match between Japan and Myanmar at Panasonic Stadium Suita on November 16, 2023 in Suita, Osaka, Japan.

Japan Is For Real

Emma Hayes, Head Coach of Chelsea FC poses for a portrait during the UEFA Women's Champions League Official Portraits shoot on October 17, 2023 in Cobham, England.

Emma Hayes Knows What American Soccer Needs

A general view of the performance as Saudi Arabia is displayed on the LED Screen during the FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Final Draw at Doha Exhibition Center on April 1, 2022 in Doha, Qatar.

Saudi Arabia Will Host The 2034 World Cup

United States forward Christian Pulisic (10) celebrates his goal with United States forward Tim Weah (21) during a match between the United Sates and Germany on October 14, 2023, at Pratt &amp; Whitney Stadium in East Hartford, Connecticut.

The USMNT Once Again Played The Best

Tom Ley

Julie Ertz #8 of the United States watches a tribute video after playing South Africa at TQL Stadium on September 21, 2023 in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Julie Ertz Was The USWNT

Spain's midfielder Patri Guijarro (L) and Spain's defender Mapi Leon talk to the press after announcing they are leaving the national selection, in front of their hotel in Oliva near Valencia, on September 20, 2023 ahead of the UEFA Nations League football matches against Sweden and Switzerland. New Spain coach Montse Tome named a surprise 23-woman squad for upcoming Nations League qualifiers including 20 players officially on strike. Players demand structural changes in the Spanish football federation (RFEF) after the President forcibly kissed a player on the lips after Spain won the World Cup in Sydney on August 20, provoking worldwide outrage.

Spain Fills Women’s National Team Roster By Promising A Festival Of Beheadings

Olga Carmona is seen during the first call of the Spain Women Team leaving the Alameda Barajas Hotel for the Valencia concentration on September 19, 2023, in Barajas, Madrid, Spain.

Spain’s Soccer Federation Has Once Again Barfed Into Its Own Pants

Albert Burneko

RFEF president Luis Rubiales pumps his fists and pulls a stupid face at the World Cup medal ceremony. Rubiales resigned on Sept. 10 in the aftermath of forcibly kissing Spain star Jenni Hermoso on the mouth during that ceremony.

Luis Rubiales Finally, Belatedly Resigns

Spain women's national team coach Jorge Vilda, posing with his World Cup medallion. He got fired today, the big dumbass.

Spain Dumps Women’s Team Coach Jorge Vilda, At Long Last

Footballer Jenni Hermoso during the victory celebration at Madrid Rio on August 21, 2023, in Madrid, Spain.

Spain’s Women’s National Team Is Winning Again

RFEF president Luis Rubiales pumps his fists in celebration during the 2023 Women's World Cup

Luis Rubiales Shows The Whole World Spain’s Entire Ass

Jennifer Hermoso, Alexia Putellas and Irene Paredes of Spain celebrate with the FIFA Women's World Cup Trophy after the team's victory in the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Final match between Spain and England at Stadium Australia on August 20, 2023 in Sydney / Gadigal, Australia.

It’s The Light That Lasts

Luis Rubiales, President of the Royal Spanish Federation greets Aitana Bonmati of Spain after the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Final match between Spain and England at Stadium Australia on August 20, 2023 in Sydney, Australia.

Luis Rubiales Put His Disgusting Mark On The World Cup

Spain players celebrate at the end during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Final match between Spain and England at Stadium Australia on August 20, 2023 in Sydney, Australia.

Spain’s Players Earned This World Cup

Aitana Bonmati of Spain celebrates her team’s 2-1 victory and advance to the final following the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Semi Final match between Spain and Sweden at Eden Park on August 15, 2023 in Auckland / Tāmaki Makaurau, New Zealand.

Aitana Bonmatí Can’t Win

Ray Ratto

Sam Kerr of Australia scores the teams first goal during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Semi Final match between Australia and England at Stadium Australia on August 16, 2023 in Sydney, Australia.

Sam Kerr Struck, But England Squeezed

Olga Carmona of Spain (R) attempts a kick while being defended by Nathalie Bjorn of Sweden (L) during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Semi Final match between Spain and Sweden at Eden Park on August 15, 2023 in Auckland, New Zealand.

Spain Rode A Thunderbolt Into The World Cup Final

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<div>Abigail Segel is a contributing writer at Defector. She is also an editor for The IX Soccer and the Equalizer. Her work has been published in the Guardian and the Montreal Gazette.</div>
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Abigail Segel

Jorge Vilda, Head Coach of Spain, looks on during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Quarter Final match between Spain and Netherlands at Wellington Regional Stadium on August 11, 2023 in Wellington / Te Whanganui-a-Tara, New Zealand. (Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy - FIFA/FIFA via Getty Images)

When Your Coach Sucks, Everybody Loses

Salma Paralluelo of Spain celebrates after scoring her team's second goal during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Quarter Final match between Spain and Netherlands at Wellington Regional Stadium on August 11, 2023 in Wellington, New Zealand.

Salma Paralluelo Shook The Netherlands Out Of The World Cup

Leicy Santos of Colombia controls the ball during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Round of 16 match between Colombia and Jamaica at Melbourne Rectangular Stadium on August 8, 2023 in Melbourne, Australia.

Colombia Knocked Out Jamaica And Can Now Return To Normal

Kenza Dali (3rd R) of France celebrates with teammates after scoring her team's second goal during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Round of 16 match between France and Morocco at Hindmarsh Stadium on August 08, 2023 in Adelaide / Tarntanya, Australia.

France Is Taking Care Of Business

Lauren James of England stamps on Michelle Alozie of Nigeria which later leads to a red card being shown following a Video Assistant Referee review during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Round of 16 match between England and Nigeria at Brisbane Stadium on August 07, 2023 in Brisbane / Meaanjin, Australia.

Nigeria Played Great And Made England Butt-Stomping Mad

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - AUGUST 06: USA players react as Sophia Smith of USA misses her team's fifth penalty in the penalty shoot out during the FIFA Women's World Cup Australia &amp; New Zealand 2023 Round of 16 match between Sweden and USA at Melbourne Rectangular Stadium on August 06, 2023 in Melbourne / Naarm, Australia. (Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)