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Albert Burneko
Assignment Editor
Connect
albert.burneko@defector.com
@albertburneko.bsky.social
This Is So Stupid
Tech CEO: Do Not Say To Me That I Was Not Just Assassinated By The Jackal
323
Comments
Albert Burneko
April 2, 2025
Chefector
I Have Been Defeated And Humbled By A Shortage Of Ketchup
170
Comments
Albert Burneko
March 23, 2025
NYC: Come To Our WNBA Comedy Show On May 16
The WNBA is back in May! Join Defector and your fellow WNBA fans for a night of stand up, games, giveaways, and special guests as we all get amped up for the new WNBA season. (Pals, check your daily newsletter from April 3 for discount code.)
Animals
For Chop
296
Comments
Albert Burneko
March 14, 2025
This Is So Stupid
Not Enough People Are Taking The Wallet Inspector Seriously
187
Comments
Albert Burneko
March 6, 2025
Soccer
Luis Rubiales Found Guilty Of Sexually Assaulting Jenni Hermoso
71
Comments
Albert Burneko
February 20, 2025
Soccer
A German Coach, The Spanish Media, And Google Translate Walk Into A Press Conference
94
Comments
Albert Burneko
January 15, 2025
Soccer
Deadbeat Club Scrambling To Keep Players It Never Should Have Acquired [Update]
103
Comments
Albert Burneko
December 27, 2024
This Is So Stupid
I Would Not Take My Post-Assassination Meal At An Altoona McDonald’s, But I Guess I’m Built Different
600
Comments
Albert Burneko
December 9, 2024
Journalismism
Can Someone Please Write Normally About This Fascinating Woman?
375
Comments
Albert Burneko
November 20, 2024
Media Meltdowns
What The Fuck Is A “Vaccine Skeptic”?
682
Comments
Albert Burneko
November 15, 2024
Elder Wisdom
Bring Back Weird Halloween Candies
379
Comments
Albert Burneko
November 1, 2024
English Premier League
More Like Erik Done Hag
69
Comments
Albert Burneko
October 28, 2024
NBA
Victor Wembanyama’s Hands Missed Opening Night
77
Comments
Albert Burneko
October 25, 2024
NBA
A Preview Of The 2024-25 NBA Season, Accurately Enumerating Everything That Will Happen In It
247
Comments
Albert Burneko
,
Chris Thompson
,
Giri Nathan
,
Luis Paez-Pumar
,
Patrick Redford
,
Ray Ratto
, and
Tom Ley
October 23, 2024
Elder Wisdom
Point/Counterpoint: Friday Night Playoff Games
175
Comments
Barry Petchesky
and
Albert Burneko
October 18, 2024
Elder Wisdom
When The Toilet Rings, You Must Answer The Call
133
Comments
Albert Burneko
September 24, 2024
Science
Neither Elon Musk Nor Anybody Else Will Ever Colonize Mars
566
Comments
Albert Burneko
September 11, 2024
Science
Boeing Starliner Astronauts Electively Spending Five More Months In Space To Hitch Ride In Different Vehicle Due To Preference For Not Dying
203
Comments
Albert Burneko
August 26, 2024
Soccer
Deadbeat Club At War With Its Own Players, Again
104
Comments
Albert Burneko
August 19, 2024
Defector At The Movies
‘Alien: Romulus’ Is Exhausting, Gross As Hell, And Incredibly Fun
194
Comments
Albert Burneko
August 17, 2024
Soccer
And Now, A Timely And Exhaustive Preview Of The 2024-25 Premier League Season
180
Comments
Luis Paez-Pumar
,
Albert Burneko
,
Billy Haisley
,
Maitreyi Anantharaman
,
Patrick Redford
,
Ray Ratto
, and
Tom Ley
August 16, 2024
This Is So Stupid
Do Not Say The Boeing Starliner Astronauts Are Stranded In Space, Which They Cannot Presently Return From Due To Problems With Their Spacecraft
203
Comments
Albert Burneko
August 1, 2024
Soccer
Barcelona’s Pursuit Of Nico Williams Is Yet Another Degrading Farce
43
Comments
Albert Burneko
July 29, 2024
Journalismism
Why Did The New York Times Delete A Notorious Fraudster’s Election Take?
270
Comments
Albert Burneko
July 26, 2024
Olympics
No, Canada!
106
Comments
Albert Burneko
July 24, 2024
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