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Defector

<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

Head Coach Mike Macdonald of the Seattle Seahawks challenges the referee during the first quarter of a game

Why Your Team Sucks

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Seattle Seahawks

Ray Ratto

Quarterback Joe Burrow #9 of the Cincinnati Bengals gets sacked during the second half of an NFL football game against the Pittsburgh Steelers, at Paycor Stadium on December 1, 2024 in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Cincinnati Bengals

Sarah York

Wide receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. #18 of the Arizona Cardinals attempts to catch a pass in the endzone in the San Francisco 49ers versus the Arizona Cardinals NFL football game at State Farm Stadium on January 5, 2025 in Glendale, Arizona.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Arizona Cardinals

Safety Jeremy Chinn #11 of the Washington Commanders deflects a pass intended for tight end Kyle Pitts #8 of the Atlanta Falcons during the fourth quarter of an NFL football game, at Northwest Stadium on December 29, 2024 in Landover, Maryland.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Atlanta Falcons

Anthony Richardson #5 of the Indianapolis Colts is sacked by Danielle Hunter #55 of the Houston Texans during the fourth quarter at NRG Stadium on October 27, 2024 in Houston, Texas.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Indianapolis Colts

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<p>Mike Tanier has covered the NFL for 20 years for Football Outsiders, the New York Times, The Messenger, Bleacher Report, Sports on Earth, and other ancient empires. He&#8217;s a co-author of Aaron Schatz&#8217;s FTN Football Almanac and the author of the Y/A novel for grownups <i>Long Snapper&#8217;s Blues. </i>He lives off Exit 3 of the New Jersey Turnpike with his long-suffering wife, two sons and a 70-pound American Bully named Frank the Tank. <span style="font-weight: 400">His new Substack, <a href="https://miketanier.substack.com/">Too Deep Zone</a>, has officially launched.</span></p>
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Mike Tanier

Head coach Mike McDaniel of the Miami Dolphins speaks to the media after losing to the Green Bay Packers 30-17 at Lambeau Field on November 28, 2024 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Miami Dolphins

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones speaks to reporters during the team's training camp at River Ridge Playing Fields on July 25, 2024 in Oxnard, CA.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Dallas Cowboys

Brock Purdy #13 of the San Francisco 49ers calls a play in a huddle with teammates during the first quarter against the Miami Dolphins at Hard Rock Stadium on December 22, 2024 in Miami Gardens, Florida.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: San Francisco 49ers

Caleb Williams #18 of the Chicago Bears throws a pass while being tackled by Edgerrin Cooper #56 of the Green Bay Packers in the fourth quarter at Lambeau Field on January 05, 2025 in Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Chicago Bears

METAIRIE, LOUISIANA - JULY 24: Alvin Kamara #41 of the New Orleans Saints runs during a training camp practice at the Ochsner Sports Performance Center on July 24, 2025 in Metairie, Louisiana. (Photo by Derick E. Hingle/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: New Orleans Saints

Tom Ley

Bryce Young #9 of the Carolina Panthers makes a call from the line of scrimmage during the first half of the game against the Dallas Cowboys at Bank of America Stadium on December 15, 2024 in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Carolina Panthers

Brick Johnson, Jack Johnson, Robert Kraft, Suzanne Johnson and Woody Johnson attend the New England Patriots vs. the New York Jets game at Met Life Stadium on September 19, 2024 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: New York Jets

Maxx Crosby #98 of the Las Vegas Raiders practices during the team's training camp at the Las Vegas Raiders Headquarters/Intermountain Health Performance Center on July 28, 2025 in Henderson, Nevada.

Why Your Team Sucks: Las Vegas Raiders

Liam Coen, new Head Coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, reacts as he is introduced to the media at the Miller Electric Center on January 27, 2025 in Jacksonville, Florida.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Jacksonville Jaguars

Samer Kalaf

New England Patriots QB Drake Maye is sacked by Los Angeles Rams DT Braden Fiske and fumbles the ball in the second quarter at Gillette Stadium.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: New England Patriots

Russell Wilson #3 of the New York Giants gestures to his teammates during training camp at Quest Diagnostics Training Center on July 23, 2025 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: New York Giants

Shedeur Sanders #12 of the Cleveland Browns looks on after Cleveland Browns mandatory minicamp at CrossCountry Mortgage Campus on June 11, 2025 in Berea, Ohio. (

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Cleveland Browns

Tennessee Titans head coach Brian Callahan reacts against the Washington Commanders at Northwest Stadium on December 01, 2024 in Landover, Maryland.

Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Tennessee Titans

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - AUGUST 13: Head coach Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes #15 of the Kansas City Chiefs talk prior to a preseason game against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on August 13, 2022 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Kansas City Chiefs

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - DECEMBER 15: Brock Purdy #13 of the San Francisco 49ers reacts after beating the Seattle Seahawks 21-13 at Lumen Field on December 15, 2022 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: San Francisco 49ers

Lamar Jackson #8 of the Baltimore Ravens looks on from the sideline during the national anthem prior to the AFC Championship NFL football game against the Kansas City Chiefs at M&amp;T Bank Stadium on January 28, 2024 in Baltimore, Maryland.

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Baltimore Ravens

Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions looks down prior to the NFC Championship NFL football game against the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on January 28, 2024 in Santa Clara, California.

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Detroit Lions

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<div>Victoria Zeller is a trans writer born and raised in Buffalo, New York, where she still proudly resides. Her debut novel, <i><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/one-of-the-boys-victoria-zeller/21775251" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://bookshop.org/p/books/one-of-the-boys-victoria-zeller/21775251&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1735306610555000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0sXpgNMmxpIwmIZOFd-Pnw">One of the Boys</a></i>, is out now. Her personal website can be found <a href="http://victoria.monster/" target="_blank" rel="noopener" data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=http://victoria.monster&amp;source=gmail&amp;ust=1735306610555000&amp;usg=AOvVaw0PrZ7PkO1IykxAodWoMLI_">here</a>.</div>
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Victoria Zeller

Josh Allen #17 of the Buffalo Bills warms up prior to a preseason game against the Chicago Bears at Highmark Stadium on August 10, 2024 in Orchard Park, New York. The Bears won 33-6.

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Buffalo Bills

HOUSTON, TEXAS - AUGUST 24: Cal McNair of the Houston Texans walks off the field during a preseason game against the Los Angeles Rams at NRG Stadium on August 24, 2024 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Ric Tapia/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Houston Texans

Baker Mayfield #6 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers looks to pass in the first half during a preseason game against the Miami Dolphins at Raymond James Stadium on August 23, 2024 in Tampa, Florida.