Some people are fans of the Cincinnati Bengals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Cincinnati Bengals. This 2025 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: The Cincinnati Bengals, Where Money Is Always The Object.
Your 2024 Record: 9-8, though they got to the 8 a hell of a lot quicker than the 9. That is to say, they had to win their last five games to pretend this was a season worth lauding because, well, no. Finishing 9-8 with the statistically best quarterback in football seems improbable, but it also suggests that finishing 9-8 with a defense that bad is equally unlikely. But the Bengals are all about those points because they are all about Joe Burrow, to the point where last year he threw 652 passes and 43 touchdowns. Head coach Zac Taylor signed off on this one-legged sprint because the Bengals ran the ball less than 37 percent of the time, which makes for nice fantasy points but also allows your quarterback to have his larynx used as a doormat.
Indeed, at a time when the NFL is veering back ever so slightly toward more balanced attacks, the Bengals doubled down on downfield, and the result after 13 weeks was a 4-8 record that essentially eliminated them from the playoffs. I mean, we get the idea that you like the ball in the hands of your best guy and all, but 38 throws a game is not a reliable predictor of anything other than getting your quarterback a contract that allows him to try to buy a batmobile.
If this seems like we're pinning this on Burrow, then read it again you unlearned swine. This is about the Cincinnati defense, which when it is league average or better goes to the playoffs and when it is not, does not. Last year, they were 25th and rendered them competitively inert a week into December.
So what did they do, and when we say "they" we of course mean owner Mike (Scottish for "scrooge") Brown? He decided to get cheap with the team's most important defensive difference maker, edge rusher Trey Hendrickson, who is vowing not to play if a new deal isn't forthcoming. These threats usually die come Labor Day, but as a statement of priorities from a man who committed half a billion in contract extensions to Burrow, WR Ja'Marr Chase and WR Tee Higgins, this feels Jerry-level shortsighted. This all left a sour offseason taste to a season that already had that funky afterburn. Put another way, the money they paid Burrow will be wasted if they don't pay Hendrickson, and since Burrow is the team's centerpiece, it does him no good to give him another bottom-quartile defense.
Your coach: Taylor was a callow youth of 36 when he got the job, and he still looks 29 at 42. Only he doesn't get to be the precocious young'un any more. That Super Bowl appearance four years ago got him some grace from the upstairs goblins, but the nerdlings who grumble about Burrow's prime years being wasted will eventually include Brown's kids, who just look at Taylor as one more crabby uncle who doesn't turn up for holidays, let alone bring gifts to the grandkids. He has enhanced the stats on Burrow's Hall of Fame plaque, but one more of these win-the-last-five-so-you-don't-look-like-a-younger-Rich-Kotite seasons and there isn't likely to be a seventh.
Your quarterback: Done and dusted. He is the magic dingus that solves the murder in every mystery—if only quarterbacking were like detective work, which it isn't because it by definition is only as good as everyone around it. If he plays all 17, they have a chance. If he doesn't, everyone not surnamed Brown is so spectacularly fired. If that seems like a vote of no-confidence in backup QB Jake Browning, well, the difference between him and Burrow isn't his fault. It's just the way it be.
What's new that sucks: The offensive line remains problematic, and the brass decided to see if they could enter 2025 without any starting-quality guards, which is nerdworld maximus but still an issue for a team so dependent on keeping its quarterback from being Jake Browning. Despite what you might believe, there have to be at least four people beyond LT Orlando Brown, Jr., and they still need a blocking tight end because new signing Mike Gesicki doesn't remotely fill that need. And it must be a need because the Bengals replaced its entire backfield behind RB Chase Brown, presumably because Taylor knows that Burrow's chase for 750 pass attempts is a self-limiting victory.
But let's be honest. None of that interests you, because you think Burrow will live forever, throwing to Chase and Higgins and Gesicki and scoring 40 a game and hitting the over and covering the 4.5 and infuriating everyone because they're still going to finish behind Baltimore and at least five other AFC teams in the wild card stack. The Bengals stand for resistance to change, all the way down to renovating rather than replacing their stadium, which at least makes them better than the Browns in one more area. And every day Hendrickson isn't practicing is a direct condemnation of Mike Brown's entire raison d'etre for having a team at all.
What always has sucked: Well, that prior sentence explains it all. The Bengals made their reputation based on the family's resistance to extravagances like paying for talent, which is why their commitments to Burrow, Chase, and Higgins seemed so staggeringly out of character. It's remarkable that they even offered to kick in a quarter of the $480 million price tag for the stadium upgrade, because Brown isn't the paying kind. This Bengals team is not so far from contending for another Super Bowl that being snotty about Hendrickson's deal makes any level of sense except that maybe Brown lost the key to his wallet. Maybe going all in scares him. Maybe having a wallet that needs a key heartens him. But he is who is his, defending the family from the frightening horrors of going broke in 37 generations, all because Trey Hendrickson wants to be paid like Maxx Crosby. If they ever win it all, it will be despite their best instincts.
What might not suck: The uniforms, especially the white alternates, kick multiutudes of ass, and there should be a statue of Bruce Claypool, the guy who designed the striped helmets, outside the stadium. You know immediately when the Bengals are on, which thankfully is more than can be said for many NFL teams. Not trying to move the franchise across the Ohio River to Kentucky is also a positive because it is one more way in which Brown can say, "Yeah, well at least I'm not Jimmy Haslam." And they are a fun watch when they have to pass—or when they think they have to pass, like on second-and-1, or fourth-and-37.
HEAR IT FROM BENGALS FANS, WHEREVER THEY ARE!
Chris:
Every year I try to distance myself more from this team. I live far away, way out of market. They rarely clout my TV. There are fans of nearly every other NFL team here in Orange County. LA has, technically, two teams of its own. The only family I have left still living in Cincinnati is my uncle and he is a Browns fan.
But through technology I am still tethered to this bullshit. Now, because I fumble fingered onto an offseason story about the team on my phone, Apple News now shovels any and all stupid Bengals things my way. Even on my self care imposed reduced news consumption, these fuckers still weasel into my consciousness. God I wish I could quit them.
Fuck.
Andy:
Bengals ownership has been around long enough to have both a failson in Mike Brown and a failgranddaughter in Katie Blackburn. This dynamic duo is getting plaudits for signing Ja’Marr and Tee to long term deals, but both deals are a year late and significantly more expensive than they needed to be. Katie also told the DPOY runner up (looking for his last big contract) that he should be happy with whatever salary she offers. If they somehow make it back to the playoffs, I fully expect a new defender to enter Bengals mishap lore among Pacman Jones, Vontaze Burfict, Joseph Ossai, and Daijahn Anthony.
Alex:
- Our front office finally opened the checkbook for Ja’Marr Chase, Tee Higgins, and the smear campaign against Trey Hendrickson. However, they think their biggest victory is getting the taxpayers to pay for the stadium’s repairs. Mike Brown is just thrilled he won’t have to pay movers.
- Some fans nitpicked Trey Hendrickson’s play just to find reasons not to pay him fairly, but openly weeped when Sam Hubbard retired. Why? Because he’s from Cincy, he was good three years ago, and he wore a JJ Watt style arm brace that made everyone’s mom wet. Did I mention our fans wanted us to sign JJ Watt this year?
- The only thing that makes Mike Brown cum anymore is watching good players walk to other teams. When the Reds inevitably let Elly De La Cruz sign a ten year mega contract with… oh, I don’t know, the Giants, Brown will ride down to Great American Ball Park in his 1997 golf cart and personally shake the Castellinis’ hand. Fuck me with a Viking helmet that Reds players no longer wear after home runs because Rick from Amelia wants the game played “THE RAHT WAY”.
- I knew the Bengals front office was cheap when I saw our Executive VP’s daughter eating at a taco restaurant. I make $16 an hour. I’m almost offended that she eats at the same restaurants as I do.
- Zac Taylor is the eighth longest tenured head coach in the NFL and he has won ONE GAME EVER in Weeks 1 and 2. It was in Week 1 of 2021. I dare you to look up who that win was against. Go ahead.
- The biggest victory from this offseason was finally paying Ja'Marr Chase and Tee Higgins. I feel vindicated from seeing Tee photoshopped in other jerseys. Sure, I get to watch our defense blow ass until the end of time, but at least I still get to watch his mom roast fat incels on Twitter.
- This team will be the death of me. We're about to have the greatest offense the league has ever seen and a sub-.500 record to show for it. Trey Hendrickson deserves better. I just renewed my season tickets for the fourth year in a row. Let’s fucking go.
Wes:
Hi Drew,
I'm an LA native Bengals fan who went to the game against the Chargers last season roughly two weeks after getting my ass dumped by the love of my life. It really fucked me up at the time cause it came out of nowhere and I'm still fixing my broken heart today (getting better at least). I was delirious from heartbreak, lost and confused about what my future held without her, and was desperately looking for a sign that things would be alright for me. So The Bengals underachieving massively last season couldn't have come at a worse time for me and my wounded heart and like an idiot I still hinged my whole mood and ego on them anyway. I knew they weren't going to win the Super Bowl that year and knew at the time they probably weren't making the playoffs either but I figured I would be ok with ALL of that if they just won this game. This was going to be my first time seeing the best QB and WR duo of my lifetime as a fan compete in person so I felt hopeful they would if nothing else put on a show.
1st half goes by and they are down 6-24. I'm furious and in an even fouler mood than I was before. Already felt like giving up on life heading into the game but definitely felt like giving up football for sure at this point. Given how LA traffic is, especially leaving a football game, I told my dad (who grew up in Cinci and passed down this bastard franchise to me) that if they don't cut the lead to one possession before the 4th quarter we're leaving.
And so they did...
Like an idiot I rationalized, as if they hadn't broken my heart like this a million times before, that it was worth sticking around to see what happens. The defense and offense finally woke up and high on the dopamine rush I believed again! My broken heart desperately needed a Win and a sign that things would be ok and that my year wasn't going to end in a completely miserable fashion. And of course the Bengals tie the game early in the 4th! The other idiot Bengals fans in attendance, who vastly dwarfed the number of Chargers fans, erupted into WHO DEY chants and we were all collectively feeling like things were going to be alright!
But deep down we all knew, just like in those war movies when a soldier who gets stabbed by a bayonet and sobs "I'm going to make it!" to the chaplin and medic attending him, that the reality of our imminent doom was nigh. After getting gift wrapped great field position multiple times, Evan McPhearson, who had been struggling with consistency all year, missed multiple Field Goals to put the Bengals ahead in the final minutes of the 4th. I knew deep down that was the only sign I needed to truly understand they weren't going to win but It was still tied though so I kept believing anyway, still, like an idiot. LA traffic be damned it would be all worth it if they just won this game for me! And like a cruel joke the Bengals Bungled more than the Chargers could Charger by officially letting the game slip away with 18 seconds to go in the 4th. Couldn't even give me the thrill of losing in OT. So not only did the Bengals lose they played just well enough to keep in my seat and not leave early to avoid LA traffic and instead deal with the worst of it as Chargers Fans, CHARGERS FANS, berated me and my dad in the long walk back to the parking lot. The parking structure in fact was so poorly designed and impacted that it took an additional two hours to leave the area afterward. I spent that time contemplating every miserable feature of my life and my fandom as I stewed in my Ja'Marr Chase jersey in silence...
That about sums up everything I hate about my fandom and perhaps my life in one letter. Anyway, as always fuck Mike Brown.
John:
As far as everyone is concerned Zac Taylor is a great coach, one hire Mike Brown finally got right after 30 years of failure. Well, guess what, shitheads:
After seven seasons, even including the back-to-back AFC Championship appearances and Super Bowl run, and even with that 5-2 playoff record, Taylor still has a worse career winning percentage (.486, 51-54-1) than Marvin Lewis (.504, 131-129-3).
After this season, Taylor will have coached exactly half as many years in Cincy as Marv did, and I'll bet anyone any amount of money he still doesn't pass him by the end of this year. Or do you think this bad-vibing, owner-hating funky bunch is going to go 11-6 or better? Do you *really*?
Sam:
And so, there it is. Y’know, they had me fooled for a second, which honestly reflects more poorly on me than them. The Franchise Savior took them to the Super Bowl! They finally built an indoor practice facility to accommodate deep playoff runs! They’ve been the only team to consistently threaten Patty Mahomes! Maybe Kate Blackburn ISN’T a chip off the old block!
WRONG, IDIOT. They’re so fucking lucky Joe Burrow is an Ohio boy and seems to want to live here. You could hear him doing everything to not just yell “these fucking people” at every press conference leading up to Tee and Ja’Marr getting reupped. The level to which the Browns dragged their feet extending these guys, arguably costing them way more money than it would have if they’d just played ball with their generational WR room from the beginning, would’ve driven a regular QB (meaning a guy for whom living in Ohio is not a plus) out of town.
When Mike Brown dies, I’m going to post one of those “ELIMINATED FROM THE PLAYOFFS” infographics with his face photoshopped onto it and the last three words crossed out.
Ryan:
I should know better than to get sucked in after 42 years of relative futility. I'm pissed off about wasting Joe Burrow in his prime (assuming he doesn't get injured) while also finding a way to (again) fleece the taxpayers of Hamilton County into covering 3/4 of the stadium upkeep for the next decade or so.
I keep telling myself I'm going to quit this team after another disappointing season. And then I go and do something stupid like think they might have a chance after yet another close-but-heartbreaking loss to the Chiefs. After that, my stupid ass starts posting "Bungling the Bengals" in the comments section of each Jamboroo, which only amuses myself and four other Bengals fans, plus a Raiders fan. This is not a plug, this is a cry for help. Nobody should be this vested in the Cincinnati Bengals. Especially someone who hasn't lived in Cincinnati for over 29 years and is eternally grateful to not be on the hook for the Brown/Blackburn grift.
Brian:
We have to be the only NFL Franchise to have our ownership piss off our best defensive player, our #1 pick, and the entire city by threatening to move in one offseason but in positive news the airport in Northern KY has a shitty overpriced bar that the Bengals paid for.
JD:
Your (and our) boy Joe Burrow had his one chance. That's all he'll ever get here. Ask Kenny Anderson and Boomer Esiason - lose a Super Bowl, next season lose the AFC conference championship, soon you'll be losing wildcard games to the Texans.
If there was a team that ever typified the concept of '.500', it's the Cincinnati Bengals. It feels like Marvin Lewis never left.
Ben:
Besides losing every important game in increasingly enraging fashion, the strongest Bengals tradition continues to be "Let's make sure we piss off our best players before paying them more money than they wanted originally / make them fake retirement to get away."
When I first started reading the old site years ago, there was an article where Drew made a crack about how awful Ohio was. As someone who at that time had never lived outside of southwest Ohio, I was 100% confident that he was being sarcastic and I was just missing the joke. That is still much less delusional than thinking that this franchise equivalent of the Skyline shits ever wins a Super Bowl.
JD Vance grew up near Cincinnati, yet whenever I go back to Ohio, all the Trump signs just say "Trump" or have the "Pence" covered/torn away. What a fucking joke.
Ohio has fully completed its transition from swing state into the northernmost state in the Deep South. Our culinary staple is slop, our culture is racism, and the least worst part of Cincinnati is in Kentucky.
Fuck Mike Brown with all the surgical tools used to rebuild Carson Palmer.
Jude:
My younger brother (whose thoughts on this you have published several times before) was probably an even bigger Bengals fan than I was, despite the fact that I got to experience the Boomer-Ickey years and he really didn't. After the cataclysmic January 2016 playoff loss to the Steelers, he cashed in his emotional investment and quit the team cold turkey. I have never heard of anyone doing anything like that, before or since, and yet it made such perfect sense that I never even argued with him about it.
Instead I stupidly encouraged my son to be a Bengals fan. He turned 2 a few days after they drafted Burrow, they went to the Super Bowl a couple of years later, and it seemed like maybe it would be a fun thing. I should have known better. I took him to his first football game last year, week one against the Pats--perfect weather, perfect crowd, perfect opponent to get things started--and then they come out and lay an absolute turd, on their way to a season full of them. Even when Super Joe showed up at the end of the season and made the late playoff push, I could tell he knew not to get his hopes up. He already understands--at a deeper level than maybe he understands anything else as a seven-year-old--that the Bengals are a cursed franchise and thus being a fan of them will always be a cursed experience. He doesn't get why the guy they drafted isn't practicing yet or why every Burrow press conference answer includes the phrase "it's disappointing," but he does get that. And, as stupid as it was to make him a Bengals fan, I guess maybe we'll get some mileage out of that shared understanding? Anyway, that's how I've learned to calibrate best case scenarios as a Bengals fan.
Speaking of, after the Bengals were eliminated from the playoffs last season, we were walking down the street, and he said "Dad, do you think the Bengals will win a Super Bowl in my lifetime?" "Yes," I responded immediately. "What about your lifetime?" he shot back. I changed the subject.
At least Ja'Marr Chase is cool as hell, though. It's going to suck when his leg falls off next month.
Alex:
I write in every year and I’m struggling to find the motivation. I’m just so tired. I used to be rabid. My childhood bedroom is still painted in tiger stripes. We wore our bengals jerseys on our honeymoon in Aruba. Our baby shower cake was Bengals themed.
Once I even had the police called on me when I was 14 for some stupid shit I said on MySpace to a Steelers fan. (They showed up at my school and said “hey, there’s clearly no threat here, but don’t suggest that someone should nuke Allentown Pennsylvania again okay?”) Obviously, that was a shitty thing to do, and I was a shitty kid for doing it. But at least I had passion then. 20 years later and there’s just this beige lump in the back of my mind. This prescence I try to avoid in a vain attempt to stave off the disappointment for just a moment longer.
Being a Bengals fan in 2025 is like checking your bank account with 6 days left until payday.
Austin:
The Bengals have been in the Brown family for 57 years, and their stadium deal is the sweetest in the league; yet they seemingly don't have the money to even make payroll. The current CBA is designed to make contracts for 1st-rounders turnkey, and Mike Brown's failchildren have still managed to lowball Shemar Stewart. They are not serious. Trey Hendrickson is going to get 25 sacks with, I dunno, the Cardinals in the next year or two while Joe Burrow spends most of that time in traction.
Andy:
I love this town but the people here are the fucking worst when it comes to sports. All I heard last year was "same old Bengals" while their eyeballs were glued to their devices watching Joe Burrow eat shit for the first three months. I took my kids to the zoo for their annual holiday lights showcase while they were playing the Broncos, and every asshole, including myself, was watching the damn game waiting for a Christmas miracle. God I fucking hate myself for liking this team.
Meanwhile, the Reds are playing fun baseball and fighting for a Wild Card spot, and FC Cincinnati is in the running for best record in the league again, and I still hear crusty boomers whining because they're both not undefeated.
Mike Brown is a cheap asshole who is going to do the Futurama "Head in a Jar" thing so that he can siphon money out of Hamilton County until they suck my soul into some douche billionaire's AI chatbot.
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