Why Your Team Sucks 2025: Tennessee Titans

Some people are fans of the Tennessee Titans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tennessee Titans. This 2025 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: The Tennessee Titans, who are currently attempting to prevent the Houston Texans from using Houston Oilers blue. Jesus Christ, Titans, just go back to being the Oilers already. The Houston Oilers’ signature accomplishment, blowing a 35-3 lead in a playoff game, is still a better legacy than anything the “Titans” have “accomplished” in their quarter century-plus as an ongoing NFL concern. The only time the outside world pays attention to these slobs is when Tennessee wears Oilers throwbacks, and you know why? Because it helps them forget that the Titans exist. I’d rather wear a dead skin mask than a Titans jersey.

Speaking of forgettable…

Your 2024 record: 3-14. The Titans opened their campaign by blowing a 17-0 lead in Chicago and then losing the game on a pick-six. “Wait, you mean the Eberflus Bears?” you’re surely asking. The same. Pathetic.

More indignities ensued soon thereafter. Tennessee gave Aaron Rodgers his first win as a Jets quarterback when they threw short of the end zone on fourth-and-goal with 20 seconds left on the clock. They traded QB Malik Willis to Green Bay just before the season and then lost to him by three touchdowns in Willis’s first start as a Packer. They lost to Mac Jones twice. They lost to the Colts by giving up a fourth-quarter TD pass to the rotting hull of Joe Flacco. Indianapolis would finish off the season sweep later on when Jonathan Taylor went for 218 yards against Tennessee’s defense.

That defense, by the way? Second-best in yardage all year long, third worst in scoring defense. That tends to happen when your players hate going to work every day, and when the opposition starts every drive from your own 20. The Titans took a 10-0 lead in Buffalo and were then outscored 34-0 the rest of the way. They let Detroit hang a 50-burger on them and then, not fully satisfied with that level of embarrassment, gave up 267 yards on the ground to Washington. Oh, and they clinched the No. 1 overall pick in the draft by getting beat by the Texonians. At home. While Houston was resting all of their starters.

Meanwhile, former Titans legend Derrick Henry went to Baltimore and is now smiling through it all, unable to believe this is his life.

So as you can see, blue is an impeccable fit for the Titans, just not Oilers blue. That’s too happy of a blue. I’m thinking more along the lines of a blue that’s the color of your wife leaving you. That would provide a far more appropriate backdrop for game days in Nashville. Who’s responsible for this goddamn mess?

Your coach: Still Brian Callahan. Why, I have no idea. They even let Callahan retain the same defensive coordinator he had last year. Forethought was never this area of the country’s strongest quality.

Callahan, son of his own O-line coach, only needed one year on the job to make local fans yearn for the halcyon days of Mike Vrabel, a.k.a. swole Jeff Fisher. Brian Callahan is unable to field a competent offense unless Joe Burrow is involved, happily throws his own QB under the bus to the media, and is now working under a clown-car front office. Former GM Ran Carthon was run out of town in January, and owner Amy Strunk decided to replace him with an org chart that has far more branches on it than the average Smoky Mountain family tree. This dream team includes team president Chad (uh oh) Brinker, new GM Mike Borgonzi, and not one but TWO failed Raiders GMs in Dave Ziegler and Reggie McKenzie. One of these men will have the honor of firing Callahan sometime in December, but which one? Hey Borgonzi, who the fuck is really in charge here?

Borgonzi was hired after serving as the assistant G.M. with the Chiefs and he said that “we all kinda worked together to make best decisions for the team” in that front office. Borgonzi said that he has “full authority” over the processes for free agency and the draft and that “I will pick the players” while working collaboratively with Brinker and others. “The 53, it’s not a concern. It was not a concern in Kansas City. It never came up,” Borgonzi said.

That’s because the Chiefs win titles, so everyone gets along and does whatever Andy Reid and Brett Veach tells them to. But you’re not in Kansas City anymore, Bobo. Your Week 1 game against Denver will make that all too evident.

Your quarterback: Cam Ward, whom you already feel sorry for. Last year, Cam Ward was the most exciting player in college football not named Travis Hunter, making The U relevant again by hucking the ever-loving shit out of the ball downfield. Ward also struggled to throw under pressure, couldn’t hold onto the football, and posed little to no threat as a runner. That’s a touch alarming when you consider that the Titans had the fifth-worst offensive line in the league a year ago.

But what will really make you go bugfuck is checking out the unfathomably bad receiving corps that Ward will have to work with. Listen here as our man goes out of his way, by roughly 50,000 nautical miles, to name Treylon Burks as the fourth-best wideout in the entire league:

You can hear the strain, can’t you? You can hear Cam effortlessly reel off the names of good wideouts like Ja’Marr Chase before realizing, Oh shit, I better include one of my horrible teammates in this listicle, and then crying out “Treylon Burks!” like he just remembered an obscure Immaculate Grid clue. Burks, who has never topped 33 catches in a season, isn’t even a top-four wideout on his own team. Meanwhile, the tight end room is more barren than a Trump parade route. Trevor Lawrence under Urban Meyer had more of a chance.

Your backup was originally scheduled to be Will Levis, right up to the moment he tore his throwing shoulder (probably improved his accuracy) and was ruled out for the season. Replacing Mayo Peet as QB2 will be new arrival Brandon Allen, who is not Kyle Allen. Tim Boyle is also here, which is ominous on a number of levels.

What's new that sucks: You wouldn’t know it from the whole 3-14 thing, but that 2024 Titans campaign actually represented the organization going all in. Beforehand, the team had loaded up by trading a third-rounder for former Chiefs CB L’Jarius Sneed, and then going on a free-agent splurge (for them) that included WR Calvin Ridley, C Lloyd Cushenberry, CB Chidobe Awuzie, and RB Tony Pollard. Sneed missed a dozen games after suffering a quad injury, and Cushenberry missed another nine after tearing his Achilles midseason. None of those other players ended the season with a PFF ranking higher than 39th, with Awuzie ending up cut before the beginning of 2025 free agency.

Sneed, by the way, is still nursing that quad injury. But he was apparently healthy enough to allegedly stage a drive-by outside a Benz dealer right around Christmas time. The shots missed, of course. If only Steve McNair's mistress had been a similarly inept marksman.

But listen, those were Ran Carthon’s Titans. The Virgin Titans. These Chad Brinker Titans aren’t gonna make the same boilerplate mistakes. No no, these guys are going ALL all-in this time around. Don't believe me? Well, what if I told you they signed a thoroughly washed Tyler Lockett to bolster that wideout room? I bet you’re already shitting your britches in fright. And what if you discovered that Van Jefferson is also coming to town, to run go routes that no safety will ever bite on? GOOD GOSH ALMIGHTY JOE FRIDAY, THURSDAY NIGHTS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!

As for the defense, Jeffery Simmons is still the only good player on it, especially with Harold Landry fleeing the organization in free agency. All the Titans did to improve on that side of the ball this offseason was to draft EDGE Oluwafemi Oladejo in the second round, and then add B-list free agents in LB Dre’Mont Jones, LB Cody Barton, and S Xavier Woods. If Simmons doesn’t hold the Chads at gunpoint to force a trade before the deadline, I’ll question his mental faculties.

Your new punter is Johnny Hekker, who took one look at this roster and immediately saw a chance to bolster his Hall of Fame cred.

What has always sucked: This organization is cheap as balls. That was true when Bud Adams was alive, and it remains so with his asshole kid in charge. Even with a new, fully honky-tonked out stadium on the horizon, don’t expect Amy Strunk to change her bare-minimum approach to this team. She’s like Gayle Benson, only healthier. Not good news.

As for on-the-field stuff … Once Ward has been sacked 90 times, he’ll give way to the next Vince Young, who will then give way to the next Jake Locker, who will then give way to the next Marcus Mariota, who will then give way to Will Levis II, who takes pickles with his coffee. Just a never-ending conveyor belt of innocent calves sent onto the killing floor, with a middle school head coach presiding over it all. Of all the AFC South teams, the Titans are forever the MOST AFC South team.

Oh, and that one Super Bowl loss? You weren’t one yard away. Kevin Dyson was NEVER gonna score on that pass. Look at this shit. My fucking mom could have stopped him before he crossed the plane on that play. Throw past the sticks next time or get the fuck off of my television. You people are where excitement goes to burn.

A.J. Brown is now a Super Bowl champion. Memphis is, by far, the superior Tennessee metropolis. Everyone in the NFL despises Josh Heupel’s offense. Fuck Marsha Blackburn with Bud Adams’s middle finger.

What might not suck: Would you believe this team actually did a good in free agency? It’s true! Former Steeler Dan Moore will act as mildly serviceable LT for Ward’s blind side, and terminally overlooked G Kevin Zeitler is also here on a bargain deal. With that kind of manpower up front, your offense might break double digits in nearly half its games!

HEAR IT FROM TITANS FANS!

James:

Our owner is dumber than her dad.

Eric:

Well I’m as surprised as anyone that the Magical Mayo Boy was very, very bad last year. 

Daniel:

The cool thing about being a Titans fan is seeing how abysmally low the NFL's enthusiasm can go during the draft for a consensus #1 pick. I was surprised they didn't cut to commercial break the second it wasn't Shedeur. 

Seeing the new and inventive ways Levis could turn the ball over, and his accompanying memeable expressions, was basically the only thing that got me through last season. I also can't overstate how excited I am to no longer have to think about Mason Rudolph. 

Brett:

Every year I pray for the lobotomy that will release me from this prison. 

Derrick Henry left and immediately ran for nearly 2000 yards. Amazing what not running behind an offensive line made out of string cheese and baloney will do.

AJ Brown got booted out and I spent years hating him until I realized it's this stupid team’s damn fault. I was actually happy for him when he won the Super Bowl.

In fact, all my favorite players have left. McNair left, so did Eddie, Derrick Mason, Chris Johnson, shit, even Marcus Mariota is having fun elsewhere. This team is basically an NFL farm team and I just wish I could break free.

Michael:

I'm happy to report that the Titans' throwbacks were entertaining, in that they inspired the ENTIRE Houston sports establishment -- including the Cougars, Owls, Rockets and Texans, of course -- to mercilessly own the Titans by incorporating Columbia blue into their alt uniforms.

James:

The descendants of Bud Adams pissed off the locals by using the current stadium to host a wedding and shoot off fireworks at midnight.

Also, we fucking suck at signing big name free agents. In the past it was future HoF WRs who had seen better days; last year it was L'Jarius Sneed. What happened to him? Was he good? Worth it? Was he one of the drunken Nashville partiers that ended up in the Cumberland? No one knows. Did we sign free agents this year? Maybe. Will they be good? No chance.

I look forward to Cam Ward launching rockets to Calvin Ridley, and us still losing 63-6 (missed XP after an 80-yard receiving TD).

Roy:

It's pretty telling that our onetime punter Ryan Stonehouse was nearly murdered by his special teams coordinator (two straight punts where bad blocking resulted in a pair of blocked punts, the latter of which fucked up his leg). Now he's figured that he's better off being a realtor than counting on this team not to get him killed. 

Greg:

Last season was so painful to watch that I hate television for ever being invented. Our offensive line was thinner than a Fanatics jersey and a mortal danger to QB health. You were statistically safer running into an oncoming train than playing behind this unit. They couldn’t find the end zone with a map and a 1000-watt spotlight.

James:

With a proven track record of zero significant free agent signings that have ever worked out, I anxiously await the Titans burning through all their future cap space the same way Nashville is burning the budget to fork over a billion goddamn dollars to build a stadium all because Garth Brooks threw a hissy fit after getting rained out one time at the current stadium.

I wish Amy Adams Strunk had moved the team to Iowa, Montana, North Korea, the Mariana Trench, or anywhere else dumb enough to give public money so I could stop pretending to care about them.

I fell in love with this team as a middle schooler watching Jevon Kearse destroy QBs and screaming with my mom during the Music City Miracle. It's been downhill since then. Fuck me. I'm such a fucking disphit.

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Correction: A previous version of this post incorrectly stated that Steve McNair was killed by his wife.