It's almost time for the World Cup. Before the tournament, we'll be previewing each of the top 15 teams by FIFA rankings that made the tournament. Why the top 15? Because that's how many we needed to do in order for the USMNT to make the cut. You can read all of our previews here.
You're watching to see if Cristiano Ronaldo at age 41 is still worth watching. You know you are. You're trying to force-feed a LeBron James comparison into your cerebral cortex because you know what happened in the past, but have no idea about the future except that 41-year-olds are unreliable predictors. So you make up reasons why Portugal's chances at a deep run are dependent upon Ronaldo's résumé, when in fact we won't see Portugal's true mettle as the fifth-rated team in this tournament until they have escaped a deeply rudimentary group with Colombia, the Democratic Republic of Congo, and Uzbekistan. Historically, Colombia is a formidable knockout stage team, though it missed out entirely in 2022. Uzbekistan is at its first Mundial ever and the DRC has only made one, in 1974 when the country was known as Zaire, and lost all three matches. President Mobutu Sese Seko offered to jail them all when they returned. So that's fun. Against this field, we will learn little, but your Ronaldo fixation will be dealt with next month, so be patient.
Who Is Their Main Guy?
OK, not Ronaldo, no matter how romantic you want to be and how much you think middle-aged men can defy time; the same question can be asked of 38-year-old Lionel Messi, 40-year-old Edin Dzeko, 40-year-old Luka Modric, or 34-year-old Kevin De Bruyne. Ronaldo may well end up with 1,000 career goals, and he will be omnipresent on your screens because stories are still stories, plus he's been to six World Cups now, which means his résumé is overwhelming—as long as you recognize that résumés don't win except in hindsight.
Based on that caveat, Portugal's Main Guy is probably midfielder Bruno Fernandes, who was named Premier League Player of the Year and set a league record for assists in a season. With that level of vision, command, distribution, and skill you can ignore the fact that he looks facially like a clinically depressed cocker spaniel and instead admire the way he enriches an already loaded roster. The play runs through him, and most of what you can get from Ronaldo will be provided by Fernandes. Besides, his name is Bruno and who can't like that? Case closed.
Who Is Their Main Non-Scoring Guy?
Uhh, Joao Neves? Vitinha? Bernardo Silva? You can take any of them and feel good about your choice while regretting passing on the other two or any of six other possibilities. That's the beauty of this team—depth in creativity, steel in defense. We'll find out a lot about this category against Colombia June 28 in Miami.
Who Is Most Likely To Break Out?
Nuno Mendes is easing into the conversation for Best Defender In The Freaking World, and even at age 23 his presence on the back line will define in considerable part how well neophyte goalkeeper Diego Costa commands his area. Mendes will stand out in a field with better known players, and by the end of the show he will be one of those players for years to come.
Who Is Most Likely To Eat Shit?
If Portugal doesn't get to the quarters, it will be Ronaldo because those are the rules—don't be world famous and not win. We're ungrateful and cruel that way. Besides, 41 is 41, and this ain't the Saudi Pro League. If they get knocked out in the quarters, blame Costa because it will mean some egregious gaffe costs them the win. If they reach the semis before failing, it will be coach Roberto Martinez because they will have overachieved while failing to achieve their goal.
How Can They Win It All?
They probably can't, but some calamities to the Argentines, Spanish, French, Croats, and just for good measure the English would be helpful. This might be the deepest Portuguese World Cup team ever, and even if you're wrong about guessing Ronaldo's sell-by date, at least your surprise will be pleasant. If/when they lose, it will probably be to a team willing to go all dark arts, but there is some comfort in knowing that they will dark-art right back, and rely on Bruno's sad eyes to sell the call.
