There are two men running for Senate in Michigan, and one of them sucks. See if you can guess which one based on their official statements about the condition of the Detroit Red Wings, which were solicited by the blog Octopus Thrower. For context, the Red Wings hold the longest active playoff drought in the NHL by three seasons, don't currently employ an official, non-interim GM, haven't yet agreed to a new deal with young defensive standout Simon Edvinsson, can't seem to solve the problem of ex-captain Dylan Larkin's trade demand, and are dealing with dwindling fan interest as they've won just one of their first six games. Anyway, here's one candidate's statement:
I was at the game when Darren McCarty took on Claude Lemieux. The ‘97 and ‘98 Stanley Cup championships are still highlights of my childhood. The teams the last few years have been a far cry from the Wings I came to love as a kid. They’re stacking losing season on losing season, yet the Ilitch family’s wealth has done nothing but grow. Michiganders are sick of sky-high ticket and concession prices buying them nothing but disappointment.
The team holding out on Simon Edvinsson is just the latest example in a long series of ownership prioritizing their bottom line over the team and the fans. Our teams aren’t just assets for billionaires, they’re part of our culture and heritage. Hockeytown deserves better.
And here's the other:
Hockeytown, USA will always be a coveted destination for the world's top players. The Detroit Red Wings boast one of the league's most storied and respected histories, dating back to their days as one of the Original Six franchises. Few professional organizations can match the tradition, legacy and rpestige [sic] that define this iconic franchise. GO WINGS!
If you guessed that No. 2 sucks, then congrats! You picked Mike Rogers, a Trump ally and anti-choice Iran hawk who's spearheading an Islamophobic campaign against his progressive Democrat challenger, Abdul El-Sayed.
While knowing about sports doesn't preclude a person from being an awful politician, or just awful in general, it's still pretty amazing how perfectly these statements encapsulate the most closely watched race of the midterms. In Rogers, you've got a dime-a-dozen Republican without any real ideas to make the lives of his would-be constituents better, which goes along nicely with his bland, out-of-touch, un-spellchecked declaration of his general fandom. Meanwhile El-Sayed, who's hammered affordability and income inequality throughout his campaign, delivers accurate and appropriate specifics that tie into his larger messaging.
Even if El-Sayed were too busy or too respectful of his mental well-being to be watching the Red Wings closely this year, it wouldn't have taken long to find a Wings-fan staffer to help put together an on-message response like this. That's what meeting your constituents where they are looks like. Rogers couldn't even be bothered with that low lift, and that's telling in itself.
Hopefully, the obvious gap between the two candidates, in hockey knowledge and in everything else, leads to El-Sayed Kronwalling Rogers on Nov. 3. And then maybe someone can explain to Rogers who Niklas Kronwall is.
