One imagines Philip Rivers in his fortress of solitude, away from his platoon of children and contemplating what to do with his winter now that his St. Michael Catholic High School team has been knocked out of the Alabama high school playoffs. Then it hit him: Well, if the Chargers won't ask me to replace Justin Herbert before he gets killed, maybe I'll just go coach North Carolina State.
Of course, it didn't happen that way, because the former quarterback's name has been the one most linked with the Raleigh job since Dave Doeren got tagged and bagged in late October. The possibility of him stepping into the gig was the principal discussion point in Rivers's postgame presser after St. Michael lost to Glenwood School on Friday night. It had been considered the faitest of accompli for weeks, in fact, and Rivers had already been elevated to First Candidate In Training when his son Gunner (of course that is his name), who had been Rivers's quarterback at St. Mike's, committed to NC State.
The presumption here is that Rivers's prosciutto-thin coaching résumé—in mentioning his six seasons at St. Mike, we have covered all of it—has been trumped by his ability to pry open donor pockets and make the Wolfpack relevant again in the bloated ACC. And when we say "again," we mean "as a big spender in a landscape where 'big' is $40 million a year rather than $20 million." Doeren made a point of describing the limitations that such a barebones budget played on the school's chances of being noticed, and the school responded with a simple, You're absolutely right about that, Dave-O. Now get out.
In all other ways, Rivers is almost absurdly under-qualified for the gig as it actually exists: He has 18 NFL seasons and that high school gig. He does have the advantage of having been a star at State back in the early 2000s, and is indisputably the only candidate in a proper position to call the future starting quarterback "Son." He may also be the only one who can make fans care financially about this slightly better-than-average but never dynamic operation, but as Stewart Mandel of The Athletic pointed out in a fairly blistering assessment of the move, splash hires rarely work out as well as raiding James Madison's coaches' offices.
Too bad. Rivers was this close to being rumored to replace the battered Herbert in Los Angeles—which would also not have been an advisable move, but is at least more obviously precedented than putting him in charge of an ACC football program. Sunday's 44-22 loss at home to Houston left the Chargers not only winless but potentially QB-less; Herbert was sacked eight times before leaving the game with an injured middle finger, a metaphor too obvious to take seriously.
Sure, Rivers will turn 45 at the start of December, but you've seen the ravaged quarterback rooms in the NFL this year, and there are still some lunatics who think Tom Brady could still be the Raiders' bridge quarterback between Kirk Cousins and Fernando Mendoza. (Brady himself may be among their number.) Yes, it's ridiculous, but what isn't?
But enough with that silliness. Let's get to this silliness. Rivers at NC State is very much that, although it might be the only move the school can make in hopes of rekindling interest, both financial and emotional, in its football program. The essential truth of college sports throughout the ages is that its only true value is in making feelgoods with the alums and deep-pocketed wish-they-weres. Going back to the good old days, no matter how good those days actually were, is the most played card in the deck. The difficult and multifaceted job of managing a big-time college football team is one that Rivers almost certainly isn't qualified to do, but he can and will deliver the nostalgia. If this kind of move generally hasn't delivered memorable results when schools have tried it with their basketball programs—no one is mourning the Coach Chris Mullin era at St. John's—it's easy enough to understand. It's the kind of organizational laziness every operation at every level leans into when educated boldness feels too scary to try.
Nonetheless, Rivers looks like he'll be NC State's next coach, and bless his heart for giving up the money and bright lights at St. Mike to go back home against all available advice. Maybe he understands that his real role is to make NC State famous—that he is, in that sense, a higher-intensity version of the Bill Belichick hire down the road a piece. That, Rivers can do, at least for awhile. And if NC State doesn't care about the potential downsides, why should you?
