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Lauren Theisen

Charle-Edouard D'Astous #51 of the Tampa Bay Lightning and Alexandre Texier #85 of the Montréal Canadiens fight during the second period at the Bell Centre

The Sweeties And Enemies Of The NHL Playoffs

Ray Ratto

DENVER, COLORADO - APRIL 09: Nathan MacKinnon #29 of the Colorado Avalanche skates against the Calgary Flames prior to the game at Ball Arena on April 9, 2026 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Michael Martin/NHLI via Getty Images)

The Avs Have Won Nothing

Samer Kalaf

New York Islanders Raise Money For A Convicted Killer Because He’s A Cop

OTTAWA, CANADA - OCTOBER 24: Anton Forsberg #31 of the Ottawa Senators and Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen #1 of the Buffalo Sabres shake hands after a ceremonial face-off recognizing Craig Anderson after he signed a one-day contract to retire as a member of the Ottawa Senators at Canadian Tire Centre on October 24, 2023 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by André Ringuette/NHLI via Getty Images)

It Is The Spring Of The Downtrodden

MONTREAL, CANADA - APRIL 11: Head coach Rick Bowness of the Columbus Blue Jackets handles bench duties during the second period against the Montréal Canadiens at the Bell Centre on April 11, 2026 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The Columbus Blue Jackets defeated the Montréal Canadiens 5-2. (Photo by Minas Panagiotakis/Getty Images)

The Blue Jackets Have Driven Another Coach Raving Mad

Daniil Tarasov #40 of the Florida Panthers reacts after giving up a goal to Berkly Catton #27 (not pictured) of the Seattle Kraken

It’s The NHL Playoff Preview … NOT!

The Islanders Swap Coaches With Four Games Left In A Playoff Chase

Adrian Kempe #9 of the Los Angeles Kings scores against Juuse Saros

The Wild Card Race Gives Me A Tummy Ache

Macklin Celebrini of the San Jose Sharks celebrates scoring a goal in the third period against the Anaheim Ducks at SAP Center on April 1, 2026 in San Jose, California. You can see the Ducks guys looking upset in the background.

The San Jose Sharks Keep Winning At The Last Possible Moment

Barry Petchesky

ANAHEIM, CA - MARCH 30: Max Domi #11 of the Toronto Maple Leafs and Radko Gudas #7 of the Anaheim Ducks fight during the first period at Honda Center on March 30, 2026 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Debora Robinson/NHLI via Getty Images)

What’s The Value Of An Ass-Kicking Freely Offered?

Coach John Tortorella of the Philadelphia Flyers of the Utah Hockey Club at the Wells Fargo Center on December 8, 2024 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Las Vegas Is Ready For The John Tortorella Experience

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - MARCH 23: Assistant coach David Quinn of the New York Rangers handles the bench against the Ottawa Senators at Madison Square Garden on March 23, 2026 in New York City. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

A Pox Upon Whoever Spared The Rangers From Nine-Shot Ignominy

Policing

James Dolan Uses Madison Square Garden To Honor New York’s Finest Mobile Gamers

EDMONTON, CANADA - MARCH 21: Connor McDavid #97 of the Edmonton Oilers steps into the penalty box during the second period of the game against the Tampa Bay Lightning at Rogers Place on March 21, 2026, in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Andy Devlin/NHLI via Getty Images)

Doesn’t Anybody Want To Win This Wretched Division?

Goaltender Jake Oettinger (29) of the Dallas Stars saves a shot bu right wing Valeri Nichushkin

The Central Is So Nasty

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 22: Jack Hughes #86 of Team United States celebrates scoring the game-winning goal in overtime during the Men's Gold Medal match between Canada and the United States on day 16 of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santagiulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 22, 2026 in Milan, Italy. Team United States defeated Team Canada 2-1 in overtime to win the Gold medal. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

Hockey Boy Wants His Hockey Puck

Auston Matthews of the Toronto Maple Leafs kneels on the ice after being kneed by Radko Gudas of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks on March 12, 2026 in Toronto.

Auston Matthews Is Hurt And The Maple Leafs Are Burnt Toast

BUFFALO, NEW YORK - MARCH 12: Tage Thompson #72 of the Buffalo Sabres follows through on his shot during an NHL game against the Washington Capitals on March 12, 2026 at KeyBank Center in Buffalo, New York. (Photo by Bill Wippert/NHLI via Getty Images)

That Puck Must Have Said Something About Tage Thompson’s Mother

Scott Sabourin of the Tampa Bay Lightning fights Sam Carrick of the Buffalo Sabres on March 8, 2026. The shadows look cool.

The Sabres And Lightning Brawled, Scored, And Cemented A Wild New Rivalry

Nathan MacKinnon #29 of the Colorado Avalanche scores a goal during a shootout after overtime to win the game against the Minnesota Wild

I Have So Many Nice Things To Say About The Avalanche And The Wild

Connor McDavid #97 of the Edmonton Oilers faces off against Sebastian Aho

I Bought A Ticket To The Connor McDavid Show And A Hurricanes Game Broke Out

NEWARK, NJ - MARCH 04: Auston Matthews #34 of the Toronto Maple Leafs chats with William Nylander #88 during a game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center on March 4, 2026 in Newark, New Jersey. (Photo by Andrew Mordzynski/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

It’s Angst Day In Canada’s Angst Capital

A general view of the exterior of the Saddledome

It’s A Dome That’s Shaped Like A Saddle

<a href="https://twitter.com/petesegall?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Pete Segall</a> lives in Chicago. His fiction has appeared in The Bennington Review, Conjunctions, The Drift, and elsewhere.

Pete Segall

A collage featuring three of the different paperback covers for "Cleo Birdwell"'s 1980 novel Amazons.

Arts And Culture

Don DeLillo’s Funniest Novel Is A 1980 Hockey Sex Romp He Won’t Acknowledge

The U.S. Olympic men's ice hockey team arrives for U.S. President Donald Trump's State of the Union

NHL