Desperate times call for desperate measures, which of course means that Tottenham Hotspur and John Tortorella are in the news simultaneously.
Sadly, their paths do not converge, or anyway do not yet converge, beyond the fact that Spurs have fired another coach in their Salute To Catastrophe season, and Torts got another coaching job in a different sport on a different continent. But we must live in hope when hope feels like a pointless exercise. You know, like five days out of every seven.
Spurs are a cavalcade of garbage all their own, which is why Igor Tudor lasted barely six weeks before the toe tag was applied, but Torts getting pulled off television to coach the last eight games of the Vegas Golden Knights' regular season, plus whatever playoff stint they can steal, is its own tale and worth telling in its own right. Within it is a bet that the team that won the Stanley Cup three years ago and has missed the playoffs only once in its entire existence desperately needs a swift boot up the jacksey. And whatever else can be said about him, and there is a lot, nobody is better booted than Torts.
Serving that dose of motor oil to make the medicine go down has been Torts' M.O. since his first gig 26 years ago, and though his success rate is worthy enough, he does so with the bedside manner of an eye-pecking falcon. He might be considered the least pleasant coach to work for in the modern NHL if Mike Babcock hadn't retired that trophy by getting fired in Columbus before his first game. At the very least his name is in that loud, unpleasant conversation.
In the Knights, Torts has been handed a team that had gone 4-10-2 in its last 16 games. The only reason they are still in playoff position is because Las Vegas is in the Pacific Time Zone, and the Pacific Division is the place where hockey goes to cough up a lung. Only one of its eight teams has a positive goal differential, a tower of inertia so deeply inert that even the Toronto Maple Leafs and New York Rangers could steal a chuckle at their expense. That the Knights saw fit to fire Bruce Cassidy after Game 74, a shootout loss at home to Washington, tells you that they saw the rest of the season as the starkest of choices: tank to get in the lottery, tank but still get stuck with a playoff spot because the five teams below them in the divisional standings have been even worse, or make the players live in steaming misery for their own good.
Thus, Torts.
Now, in fairness, the man is never not Torts. The players know what they're in for, and it's not like their play hasn't merited it. He demands much, applauds little, and what rewards he offers are generally couched in the form of additional demands. It's a focused way of living, if you want to be nice about it, and because six of the Knights' final eight games are against Pacific rivals (that is, probable wins) and only two are against playoff teams (Colorado and Edmonton), it will be tough to know how well his players are receiving it all. In short, there is really one non-winnable game left for Las Vegas, which means they at least have a fighting chance to go into the postseason with something resembling momentum. They will likely be matched there with the Oilers, a team that scores but doesn't defend. That would make them a perfect yin/yang counterpoint to the Knights who defend (if you don't count the goalies) but don't score. There is a way that all of this could end up with Torts looking rather good. Not happy, of course, but good.
But 20 days to save a team from its own worst instincts is still a daunting task. Tudor couldn't do that with Tottenham even though he got more than twice as long as Tortorella will receive (44 days, to ill effect). Coaches don't get gaslit this late in a season unless the general manager lighting the torch is Lou Lamoriello, who fired Claude Julien with three games left in 2007. The Knights, though, are plainly an unforgiving lot at the top of the org chart, and an unforgiven lot at ice level. The Pacific has never been more winnable than it is this year, and the Knights' failure to take that hint ranks as a blown opportunity of the first magnitude no matter what Torts does with it down the stretch. And "what Torts does with it" can and often does include ongoing rows with media, fans, and other coaches. He does hugs the way a boa constrictor does them, only he's yelling in your ear while he's squeezing your ribs into Dorito crumbs.
This much can be said for the move, though: The Knights are suddenly interesting, after a year full of meh-on-wheat. Their place as the most popular team in town is still secure, at least as long as the Lakers don't relocate there, and there is still an escape hatch for them to at least get to the Western Conference Final. Torts, who is only under contract through the end of the season, would in that case surely get a full year or two to show just how tempestuous his temper can be, and he has never failed in any of his previous five teams to do exactly that. As management statements go, it is as clear as clear can be. In other words, can Tottenham afford not to make a run at him after this gig blows up?
