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Lauren Theisen

Daniil Tarasov #40 of the Florida Panthers reacts after giving up a goal to Berkly Catton #27 (not pictured) of the Seattle Kraken

It’s The NHL Playoff Preview … NOT!

The Islanders Swap Coaches With Four Games Left In A Playoff Chase

Adrian Kempe #9 of the Los Angeles Kings scores against Juuse Saros

The Wild Card Race Gives Me A Tummy Ache

Ray Ratto

Macklin Celebrini of the San Jose Sharks celebrates scoring a goal in the third period against the Anaheim Ducks at SAP Center on April 1, 2026 in San Jose, California. You can see the Ducks guys looking upset in the background.

The San Jose Sharks Keep Winning At The Last Possible Moment

Barry Petchesky

ANAHEIM, CA - MARCH 30: Max Domi #11 of the Toronto Maple Leafs and Radko Gudas #7 of the Anaheim Ducks fight during the first period at Honda Center on March 30, 2026 in Anaheim, California. (Photo by Debora Robinson/NHLI via Getty Images)

What’s The Value Of An Ass-Kicking Freely Offered?

Coach John Tortorella of the Philadelphia Flyers of the Utah Hockey Club at the Wells Fargo Center on December 8, 2024 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Las Vegas Is Ready For The John Tortorella Experience

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - MARCH 23: Assistant coach David Quinn of the New York Rangers handles the bench against the Ottawa Senators at Madison Square Garden on March 23, 2026 in New York City. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

A Pox Upon Whoever Spared The Rangers From Nine-Shot Ignominy

Samer Kalaf

Policing

James Dolan Uses Madison Square Garden To Honor New York’s Finest Mobile Gamers

EDMONTON, CANADA - MARCH 21: Connor McDavid #97 of the Edmonton Oilers steps into the penalty box during the second period of the game against the Tampa Bay Lightning at Rogers Place on March 21, 2026, in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. (Photo by Andy Devlin/NHLI via Getty Images)

Doesn’t Anybody Want To Win This Wretched Division?

Goaltender Jake Oettinger (29) of the Dallas Stars saves a shot bu right wing Valeri Nichushkin

The Central Is So Nasty

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 22: Jack Hughes #86 of Team United States celebrates scoring the game-winning goal in overtime during the Men's Gold Medal match between Canada and the United States on day 16 of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santagiulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 22, 2026 in Milan, Italy. Team United States defeated Team Canada 2-1 in overtime to win the Gold medal. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

Hockey Boy Wants His Hockey Puck

Auston Matthews of the Toronto Maple Leafs kneels on the ice after being kneed by Radko Gudas of the Anaheim Mighty Ducks on March 12, 2026 in Toronto.

Auston Matthews Is Hurt And The Maple Leafs Are Burnt Toast

BUFFALO, NEW YORK - MARCH 12: Tage Thompson #72 of the Buffalo Sabres follows through on his shot during an NHL game against the Washington Capitals on March 12, 2026 at KeyBank Center in Buffalo, New York. (Photo by Bill Wippert/NHLI via Getty Images)

That Puck Must Have Said Something About Tage Thompson’s Mother

Scott Sabourin of the Tampa Bay Lightning fights Sam Carrick of the Buffalo Sabres on March 8, 2026. The shadows look cool.

The Sabres And Lightning Brawled, Scored, And Cemented A Wild New Rivalry

Nathan MacKinnon #29 of the Colorado Avalanche scores a goal during a shootout after overtime to win the game against the Minnesota Wild

I Have So Many Nice Things To Say About The Avalanche And The Wild

Connor McDavid #97 of the Edmonton Oilers faces off against Sebastian Aho

I Bought A Ticket To The Connor McDavid Show And A Hurricanes Game Broke Out

NEWARK, NJ - MARCH 04: Auston Matthews #34 of the Toronto Maple Leafs chats with William Nylander #88 during a game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center on March 4, 2026 in Newark, New Jersey. (Photo by Andrew Mordzynski/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

It’s Angst Day In Canada’s Angst Capital

A general view of the exterior of the Saddledome

It’s A Dome That’s Shaped Like A Saddle

<a href="https://twitter.com/petesegall?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Pete Segall</a> lives in Chicago. His fiction has appeared in The Bennington Review, Conjunctions, The Drift, and elsewhere.

Pete Segall

A collage featuring three of the different paperback covers for "Cleo Birdwell"'s 1980 novel Amazons.

Arts And Culture

Don DeLillo’s Funniest Novel Is A 1980 Hockey Sex Romp He Won’t Acknowledge

The U.S. Olympic men's ice hockey team arrives for U.S. President Donald Trump's State of the Union

The U.S. Hockey Men Spoil The Fantasy

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 22: goalkeeper Connor Hellebuyck of United States celebrates winning the gold medal during the Ice Hockey Men's Gold Medal Game match between Canada and USA on day sixteen of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santagiulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 22, 2026 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Andrea Branca/Eurasia Sport Images/Getty Images)

Team USA Had The Golden Goalie

Jack Hughes #86 of Team United States celebrates after their gold-medal win

Jack Hughes Sheds Blood And Teeth For His Country, U.S. Wins Olympic Gold

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 18: Quinn Hughes #43 of Team United States celebrate his victory goal in overtime with Matthew Tkachuk #19 and Jack Hughes #86 during the Ice Hockey Men's Play-off Quarterfinals match between Team United States and Team Sweden on day twelve of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santagiulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 18, 2026 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Xavier Laine/Getty Images)

Quinn Hughes Almost Smiled

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 18: Mitch Marner of Team Canada celebrates a goal during the Ice Hockey Men Quarterfinals match between Canada vs Czechia on day twelve of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santa Giulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 18, 2026 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Stefano Guidi/Getty Images)

Canada Took A Czech Beating And Survived

MILAN, ITALY - FEBRUARY 11: Elias Pettersson #40 of Sweden tries to score against Goalie Damian Clara #i20 of Italy during the Men's Preliminary Group B match between Sweden and Italy on day five of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic games at Milano Santagiulia Ice Hockey Arena on February 11, 2026 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by RvS.Media/Robert Hradil/Getty Images)

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