This Is So Fucking Embarrassing

I guess the addled corpus of Lee Corso was the only thing keeping ESPN’s college football arm from shedding every last trace of dignity. Because if you tuned into the four-letter network's College GameDay program yesterday morning, you were treated to this profoundly nauseating minute of unwanted jingoism:

That’s human malware Pat McAfee, Corso’s ostensible replacement on the GameDay set, giving the HOO BABY to our troops while his colleagues mindlessly chuckle in assent. This latest offense comes a mere week after the show invited universally despised Senator Ted Cruz onto its live broadcast from Austin, in which GameDay host Rece Davis allowed the Texas republican to shill for the odious Protect College Sports Act, and offered zero pushback on Cruz in doing so.

And it comes one day after top ESPN color guy Kirk Herbstreit, who is stupider than his own dog, defended that Cruz segment by declaring himself politically independent (suspicious at best), telling the press, "I’m for America" (you’re definitely in the minority there right now, buddy), and seeming to admire Cruz for being able to withstand the Austin crowd booing his ass for the entirety of his time on the air. Yes, you really have to hand it to Ted Cruz for his ability to tune out the haters and get the job not done.

So what the fuck is going on here? Why did ESPN decide to double down after that Cruz segment pissed everyone off, including people inside of Bristol? For the answer, we turn to former NFL quarterback and tie-averse broadcaster Chris Simms:

"Let’s call this what this is: this is Save ESPN and SEC Contract Act... ESPN paid a lot of money for the SEC and it’s, 'Oh no, the SEC might not be king anymore. The Big Ten won the last three national championship," Simms said. "That’s why ESPN gave Ted Cruz [that platform]. What a stupid thing on GameDay to have. How stupid. You’re gonna bring in that bullcrap, politics, into it for the biggest game of the year? That was an embarrassment."

The contract Simms is referring to is a 10-year, $3 billion rights deal that the SEC and ESPN agreed to back in 2020. Since inking that contract, ESPN has been hemorrhaging revenue and laying off workers en masse. And while the SEC still has its on-field charms—specifically Ole Miss quarterback Trinidad Chambliss using last night’s home game against Lane Kiffin and LSU to stage his own NFL pro day—it hasn’t seen a national champion in three years, and hasn’t even put a team in the CFP final during that same timespan.

Leaders inside the conference and ESPN are now desperate to save their phony-baloney jobs, which means that you and me, the audience, must watch that desperation play out live, on the air. This desperation has manifested itself in the form of the baby soft Cruz interview, McAfee saluting a pair of Army choppers like he's General Patton, and Herbstreit insisting that he’s not a revanchist shit for brains.

I don’t need to tell you that this is equal parts rage-inducing and exhausting. But above all else, it’s fucking embarrassing. I’d like this country to go one minute, just one, not smashing a pie into its own face. While I’ll never be a "stick to sports" person, I think it’s reasonable to expect that a college football pregame show would be able to avoid the degradation that comes from on-air talent openly embracing dogshit policy proposals, and the horrible politicans backing them, for the most craven of reasons. ESPN and the SEC made their little pact, and now they’re trotting out their highest paid jackasses to put a late shine on it. It’s a pathetic effort that debases the rest of us.

The funny part, if you can call it that, is that their crusade seems doomed to fail. Congress already punted on voting for Cruz’s precious bill, and the SEC’s performance early this season suggests that it won’t be breaking its CFP slump anytime soon. Isn’t that right, Pete Hegseth?

Ninth-ranked Texas A&M lost at home to Kentucky 31-21.