Lane Kiffin And ESPN Are Both Shilling For Their Agendas

Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Israel Daramola and Ray Ratto will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.

Israel: Sometime between showing college football's highest-rated games of all time, ESPN thought it necessary to bonk viewers over the head with fear-mongering over the sport on behalf of the Protect College Sports Act. We've written about it already, and it is all the talk in college sports: ESPN debased itself by putting Senator Ted Cruz on a television set—right where people can see him!—and teeing him up to shill shamelessly and shamefully on behalf of this bill. A bill, not to overdo it, that is not only being championed by the Nick Sabans and the Ted Cruzes of the world, but by President Donald Trump, a large number of athletic conference presidents and university presidents, and corporations like Disney.

Given all that, you won't be surprised that the bill is completely anti-labor. It is a bill that seeks to undo the last few years of college athletes grabbing some of the fruits of their labor and put the genie back into its bottle as much as possible, and to reinstall the NCAA atop college sports by federal law. And ESPN, which is now purely just a promotion arm for the many leagues it's in business with, is more than happy to pitch in. The cartel is striking back and hoping enough people are dumb enough, or just spiteful enough, to restore control to the parties whose wild selfishness led to amateurism's collapse.

It's hard to pivot from this to something as cartoonishly indulgent as Lane Kiffin's return to Mississippi; compared to a crypto-fascist uprising, a grudge game feels comparatively small. But Kiffin has certainly never met a situation he couldn't exploit for his own benefit, and that talent can be exploited in turn. For his part, Kiffin is probably fine with the current landscape of college sports, particularly as he's in a place that has the kind of blank-check power the NCAA's disgraced bosses want back. But he also gave PCSA advocates a layup by making such fervent use of that power, most recently by trying to bring former NFL camp attendees onto the LSU roster. That doesn't help, but Lane Kiffin isn't really in the "helping" business. And, as is always the case in college football, nobody really knows what they're doing even as they're doing it.

Ray: This is the last week in which we'll be allowed to shop for downmarket games for several reasons, the most compelling of which is that we're getting close to Coach Firing Season, and one should never be frivolous when talk of contract buyouts begins. We're not there yet, even though Deshaun Foster only got three games at UCLA last year before getting the walk of shame with cardboard box accessory, but this is just a gamble based on nothing, which as it happens is how prediction markets stay afloat. The point is to enjoy this nonsense while you can, because everything after this is sour faces and doomslathered voices.

And now, onto the games:

(5) Miami at Wake Forest — Friday, 7:30 p.m. EST on ESPN

Miami has a highly potent offense, that much is clear. What's still in question is their defense, and whether they can field a championship level pass rush again after the loss of so many studs on that defensive line. That question will have to continue to linger a while because they're playing Wake Forest, and I do not expect much can happen to stop these guys from rolling from another week. Although lord knows Miami is good for an inexplicable Thursday/Friday loss. If that happens here, there would be much more serious issues that would need much more urgent examination than retooling the pass rush. — Israel

(22) Houston at (13) Texas Tech — Friday, 7:30 p.m. EST on FOX

Tech's roster cost nearly three times as much as Houston's did if, The Athletic's chart is right, which in Texas Football Terms means Tech is spending $15 million less than it should. After all, if you're going to be the industry's most detestable team, non-LSU division, you should be doing it loud enough to shame even those dilettantes in Austin. This, though, ought to be a legitimate test for bang-for-your-buck aficionados, as the only other games this week between two ranked teams are LSU-Ole Miss, which you shouldn't miss, and SMU-Louisville, which you should miss even if you're having both school presidents over for a barbecue. — Ray

Portland State at (21) Oregon — Friday, 10:30 p.m. EST on Big Ten Network

Now that Dan Lanning has been dumped onto the hot seat by losing to Oklahoma State and falling out of the championship analysis before September was halfway through, a local lamb comes very much in handy. In this sense, PSU is kind of the Big Sky's Oklahoma State. This is largely a reputation game for quarterback Dante Moore, who two weeks ago was considered a lock as the first pick in the NFL Draft, but the only thing that he and the other Ducks can do against an opponent like this is stop the freefall. Just what the Big Ten needs, a diminishing West Coast presence. — Ray

(2) Georgia at Arkansas — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. EST on ABC

Georgia gets into SEC play this week, and while they're not exactly facing a juggernaut, I do think we'll start to get a feel for what this year's Georgia team is all about with this one. Georgia is the old reliable of college football, which is to say they're always really good, even if not always great. They will win at least 10 games, they will be in the playoff, but everything after that is a toss up. Which would be impressive if this were a normal sport with normal expectations. Ah, well! — Israel

Kent State at (6) Ohio State — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. EST on FOX

For "Oregon," autocorrect to "Ohio State," and for "Dan Lanning," autocorrect to "Ryan Day." Last week's loss to Texas was disastrous in the eyes of Buckeye fans, and the only mitigating factor was Steve Sarkisian picking the wrong postgame opponent in new national championship contender Holly Rowe. Kent State got boatraced in Week 1 by South Carolina, but beat Wofford in Week 2, making them part of the amorphous middle between playoff teams and transfer victim schools. We know how this ought to work out, but we also know how satisfying a win it will be for the fan base, which is not at all. — Ray

Arizona State at Kansas — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. EST on FS1

So how badly does Wembley Stadium need the money anyway? This game has the feeling of someone holding two athletic directors at gunpoint and making them agree to play this game overseas "for the good of the business." We wondered how the Kansas hype video people would handle this, and then we got over our curiosity remarkably quickly. — Ray

North Carolina at Clemson — Saturday, 12:00 p.m. EST on ESPN

Ahh, the ACC's Past Their Sell-By Date game. Bill Belichick and Dabo Swinney both have gilt-edged résumés, and all those wins stacked beside the first two games of this season mean nothing because both men chose to ply their trades in a part of the country that defines the "lately" in "what have you done for us lately" as a period extending back exactly two weeks. Belichick wins that one based on an intriguing win over TCU and another not-at-all-interesting one over East Tennessee State, while Dabo got throttled by LSU, which given LSU's current reputation as The Team We Can All Agree On is not a good loss at all. — Ray

NC State at Vanderbilt — Saturday, 12:45 p.m. EST on SEC Network

It is crazy that Vandy is a team worth talking about all of a sudden. They no longer have Mexican Manziel aka Diego Pavia drumming up hype for them, but they still look pretty decent and are certainly up for giving NC State a fight. NC State needs to stay on its P's and Q's on Saturday, and Vanderbilt is going to try and prove that they were not a flash in the pan, feel-good story. — Israel

Central Connecticut at Montana State — Saturday, 3:00 p.m. EST on ESPN+

The afternoon dead zone is well upon us here, so you might as well look at the first team to make the FCS-to-FBS leap in 2027. Or maybe it will be Montana, another noted Big Sky power, which plays at Oregon State. Or both. In a world where there's the Power 4 and a bunch of unpopulated islands in the South Pacific, what's the difference? — Ray

Florida State at (10) Alabama — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. EST on ABC

This is technically a revenge game for the Tide, remember? As if they needed extra fuel to grind this weak-ass team into paste. Keelon Russell is looking like a very real guy, and showed as much last week against a pretty good opponent in Kentucky. He'll have plenty of space to dice up this FSU defense. And if you think things aren't already bad enough in Tallahassee after their home opener power outage, they just fired their AD Michael Alford this week, probably for the crime of giving Mike Norvell that albatross of a contract. That doesn't bode well for Norvell himself, but FSU doesn't want to fire Norvell during the season, which left them to do the next best thing. Depending on how badly this game goes, their hand might be forced. — Israel

(16) SMU at (23) Louisville — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. EST on ESPN 2

You know I love an ACC battle of the titans. Blood will be shed! Bones will be broken! Brains will be missing! Louisville is probably better than its ranking and SMU might be a little worse than theirs, so maybe they just meet in the middle somewhere. We'll know more when this is all over. — Israel

Stonehill at UMass — Saturday, 3:30 p.m. EST on ESPN+

You don't have to watch this one at all except to find out if the once-horrifying Minutemen can jack their record up to 3-0 for the first time in 19 years. Their games get harder after this, but we've applied the advanced metrics required to say with complete certitude that a three-win season this year would be three more than they had last year. If this start doesn't make Joe Harasymiak a coach of the year candidate, the plaque should be melted down as a doorstep for your garden shed. — Ray

HALFTIME:

Florida International at Florida Atlantic — Saturday, 6:00 p.m. EST on ESPN+

"The FU War," many are calling this. OK, nobody is calling it that but me. But it will be the thing that everyone involved will be remembered for, especially me for naming it. The battle for FU supremacy. I have no insight into this game beyond wanting to call it the FU War. — Israel

Florida at Auburn — Saturday, 7:00 p.m. EST on ESPN

An important early SEC matchup, as it is very unclear what to do with either team right now. Florida looks good but also have run through papier mâché to get to Week 3. Auburn has been much more up and down, but they have played their games tough for all four quarters. I am obligated by honor to hate Florida and tell you that they are no good and to not buy this phony transformation into a competent football team, but also I really can't call it. They could have the juice for real, and this matchup with Auburn could be their coming out party, although I obviously hope not. I hope this team embarrasses itself right on the one-yard line of glory for my own personal amusement. But I'm a serious football analyst and so will do the responsible thing, which is bet my audience's rent money that Auburn will cover the spread. — Israel

(7) LSU at (8) Ole Miss — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. EST on ABC

Well, here we are. Lane Kiffin returns to the scene of the crime with his new thang on his arm. Expect a vicious crowd. Ole Miss coach Pete Golding is already trying to dampen the animosity going into it, but you know who wants it amped up to 11? Lane Kiffin himself. He is especially loving all the attention this year, like the secret chud internet streamer he truly is on the inside. The actual game is a secondary concern. He'll just put the boys out there and let them go crazy, but he will also make damn sure he's got the right angle for the various cameras that will be on him all night.

LSU obviously looks real good, at least when they want to. I don't expect them to be as sloppy and ill-prepared as they were against Louisiana Tech last week. People are suddenly down on Ole Miss because they struggled against a good Louisville team, but shouldn't be. Both teams will be looking for the knockout, and so you must believe in the magic of Trinidad Chambliss or the unstoppable machinery of LSU. The only thing I can predict for sure is that you should take the over on Lane Kiffin profiles that will come out this Saturday. He's finally ready to break his silence. He's finally ready to tell his side of the story. — Israel

This is the one we've all waited for, just to show our children the perils of acting like a jackwagon to people who have already proven they can hold a grudge for 250 years. Comrade Daramola has explained it all to you. All we can do is remind you of your duty to civilization. — Ray

Michigan State at (3) Notre Dame — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. EST on NBC

This is a classic measuring stick game. Michigan State, under Pat Fitzgerald, has started the season good but not great, and now we will get a better feel of where this program is at in year one. They will not win this game, obviously, but there is a question of whether they can make it a game, rise to the occasion, and maybe show us something we didn't expect. You know, before losing by 10-plus in the fourth quarter. — Israel

Colorado at Northwestern — Saturday, 7:30 p.m. EST on FOX

Colorado is not big and not always competent, but they are tough and fast and full of flash for all the good and bad that comes with. Northwestern is Northwestern—not exactly a juggernaut, and truth be told a school more famous for producing seemingly half of the sports blog internet than fielding a consistently meat-and-potatoes team. I don't know what kind of season Colorado will have, but it needs more than the occasional last-minute win against Georgia Tech to be a bowl-candidate team. They need to win games like this against these kinds of teams to get to that level, and more importantly to get that Deion Sanders hype train back on track. — Israel

UTSA at (1) Texas — Saturday, 8:00 p.m. EST on SEC Network

If Holly Rowe isn't working the UTSA sideline for this one, someone in Atlanta should be fired. As in out of a cannon and aimed toward the sun. — Ray

South Dakota at Boise State — Saturday, 10:00 p.m. EST on CBSSN

Boise State really should've beat Oregon in Week 1. At the time it seemed to say a lot about them that they got so close to doing so, but now it seems to say a lot about them that they didn't finish the job. — Israel

North Dakota State at Sacramento State — Saturday, 10:30 p.m. EST on ESPN

The two new FBS schools meet in a "let's kill two birds with one stone" matchup that helps both teams fill out their schedules. The Bison are already 3-0, which would impress anyone not familiar with North Dakota State's FCS pedigree—they've won three out of every four games they have played since 1963, nine out of every 10 since 2011, and 18 national championships. Sac State is in the MAC—that's the Mid-American Conference—for some god-forsaken reason. There are only three games that start later, and we just aren't locked into Purdue-UCLA quite yet. — Ray

YOUR OBERLIN MOMENT

Wabash visits the Obies—honest, they call themselves that, but they also have an albino squirrel as a mascot so take that for what it's worth—in a conference showdown. The Little Giants will show, and the Yeo will likely go down. But we suspect they're primed for a turnaround, and to right the wrongs of the last decade. Really primed. Incredibly, staggeringly primed. — Ray