Minnesota is in turmoil, thanks to masked federal agents who spend all day driving around the Twin Cities terrorizing whoever the hell they want. This is a time that calls for strong leadership. Can I interest you in a senate bid from a lady you vaguely remember mumbling questions on NFL sidelines a decade ago?
That's right, former NFL sideline reporter Michele Tafoya announced today that she wants to be the next Republican senator from Minnesota. She unveiled her candidacy this morning with a campaign ad that wastes no time getting to her qualifications: "For years, I covered the biggest football games in America."
Tafoya insists that the years she spent on NFL sidelines asking coaches who were contractually obligated to speak to her questions like, "How can you guys turn this around in the second half?" taught her "how leadership really works." I talk to my dog a lot, so I suppose that makes me an expert in animal psychology.
This ad is funny if only because it so clearly telegraphs the amount of political consultancy that went into its creation. Left without an actual football coach to run for a seat in Minnesota, the Republicans settled for their next best option: someone who used to talk to football coaches. A few months ago, some flustered campaign operative was surely sitting in a conference room and said, "Just put her on a snowy football field, OK? It will be fine!" You also have to hand it to these geniuses for rolling out a campaign that promises to further empower ICE at a moment when the agency is acting too recklessly and sadistically for even Minnesota's cops to tolerate.
As for what Tafoya wants to get out of this, it seems a senate run is just the latest attempt to satisfy her overwhelming need to be seen acting like a dipshit. This is a woman who once had one of the best jobs in broadcasting, and threw it away because she couldn't psychologically recover from being lightly roasted by the cohosts of The View. Since leaving NBC's NFL broadcast she has spent the last half decade trying to fashion herself into a conservative influencer, which involves posting a lot of videos that get hundreds of views on her YouTube channel. Her offerings include "Is Gender Ideology Here To Stay?" (716 views) and "Georgetown University's Ties To Hamas" (757 views).
In this way, she's an ideal candidate to represent the current state of Republican politics: someone suffering through a years-long grievance-based crash out who will not rest until it's everyone's problem.
