Once upon a time, in a different life, I was tasked with running a blog vertical devoted entirely to help men, who read a sports site, become slightly better at things. Not exceptional. Not great. Not even very good. Just—adequate. We gave advice on anything and everything—cooking, grooming, relationships. We weighed in on matters surrounding identity, etiquette, culture, and taste. People who love to give advice usually don’t find it very difficult to deliver. The real trick, however, was stretching it into the “ideal” 500-750 words—enough to satisfy search engine algorithms, and to justify giving the advice in the first place.
Most of the time it was worthwhile—often nuanced and sometimes even emotionally taxing. We tackled the real, complicated stuff: grief, dating, sex, parenting, workplace politics, even the art of perfecting a family recipe. Other times, it was a completely absurd way for people who love to talk to keep talking, whether about their mustaches or favorite tomatoes or whatever else.
Now that blog is dead, and the search engines have been rendered useless by AI. So, in tribute, I asked some friends from back then—friends of Defector, too—to share a little unwarranted advice of their own. Nothing overwrought, I told them. No long tirades. Just give me a tip.
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On Rideshare Apps
This doesn't always work, but it works enough that it's worth the extra minutes of messing around with your phone required. Download both Uber and Lyft—and maybe a third option, though I've never tried this—and when you need to go somewhere, input the address in one, going through every step up to actually requesting a ride. (Do not request the ride yet!) Now, open up the other app and go through the same steps. About one-third of the time the first app you used will send you a pop-up notification with a reduced price offer because it tracks your every move and knows what you're doing. Like a good friend. - Ashley Feinberg
Navigating the Airport
If you're an American citizen and don't feel like letting the U.S. Customs and Border Protection scan your face at the airport as you approach the security checkpoint, keep in mind that the program is (for the time being) optional. You can simply opt out and say "no thanks" to facial recognition. Some airports have signs up noting that this whole thing can be skipped, but many do not. I opt out every time I fly and it's never been an issue—usually the TSA person just says "OK!" Please note that this tip could become suddenly and dangerously inaccurate at any given point in time. - Sam Biddle
If you're running late for your flight and the security line is really long you can just walk past everyone in line while muttering "sorry, sorry" over and over and nobody will stop you. Also, you can fly with weed, they don't care. - Jordan Sargent
For the Tree-Huggers
I work for a park and my boss taught me this: if you think a tree is a dogwood tree, but you are not sure (a huge problem for many people, I bet), you can take a leaf and slowly pull it apart at the center perpendicular to the veins. If it's a dogwood tree you will see these thin stringy fibers emerge between the two leaf halves. People really do say "wow" and are impressed when you show them this trick. - Ellie Shechet
Stop Thinking About It
Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about the future. One pretty good way to deal with this is the Three Month Rule: you have to be ready to think about and make some moves on anything that's happening within the next three months, but, on the other hand, you do not have to think about anything that is not happening within the next three months. See, your anxiety is getting a little less useless already. - Jia Tolentino
Mute the text threads and DMs of people who 1) regularly stress you out, or 2) might influence your mood negatively in any way based on the cadence of their replies. Hyperactive group texts—or any with over three members—should be muted at all times. Extend that practice to individual people. Do not spend your day sitting around staring at your phone anxious that someone in particular will or won’t text you. If you have the willpower of a small child, use an app blocker to do it for you. Reframing other people’s access to you and your moods around your own time is a beautiful thing. - Puja Patel
It's Laundry Time
If you don't know what those weird laundry care symbols mean on your shirt, pants, or other garment's inside tag, take a picture of the label with your iPhone and iOS will translate the pictographs into plain English within the Photos app. I have no idea if Android does anything like this and frankly I don't care to find out. - Sam Biddle
Put baking soda in every load of laundry you ever do. It will make your whites whiter and make the pits of your t-shirts stink less. Just do it. - Kelly Stout
The High-Fiver's Plight
If you are concerned about absolutely whiffing a high-five and subsequently embarrassing yourself in a social setting, you can help guide your hand onto the other person’s hand by focusing on the elbow on the arm they are raising to high-five you. If the other person asks you why you’re staring at their elbow, just say “don’t worry about it.” Word of warning: This doesn’t always work if you’re high-fiving a toddler, as their movements cannot be predicted. - Kate Knibbs
For NYC Subway Riders
This one is only for New Yorkers, and mostly ones who reside in or frequent the great borough of Brooklyn. It turns out that a lot of people get confused when they board the G train. One direction is for "Court Square" and the other is for "Church Avenue." Where are those? They could be anywhere. My trick is to think of "Court Square" as "Quart Square" because it's in Queens—which means the other one must be in Kensington. Follow this tip and you'll never again get on the G in the wrong direction, or waste any time trying to remember which line goes where. (Zohran hasn't endorsed this tip but I bet he would if he saw it.) - Emma Carmichael
Who Needs Cookbooks?
When you want to make a pie, you don't have to spend all that time making the pie crust. You can just buy the pre-made pie crust at the grocery store. It's fine. Still tastes good. (Do NOT buy Trader Joe's pie crusts, they fall apart when you unroll them in a scandalous way.) When pie snobs say that you didn't make a real pie if you didn't make the crust, you can tell them that you have both more pie, and more leisure time than them as well. So who is the winner in this situation really? - Hamilton Nolan
Keep whole ginger in the freezer. It lasts far longer than on your counter or in the fridge—like, months and months longer. Just cut off a little chunk of however much you need when you need it. It's also a lot easier to chop or grate when it's frozen; it basically melts down. - Kate Dries
This tip is for people who are still slicing avocados in the skin and then scooping them out. What are you doing? You're both leaving precious avocado in the rind and increasing your risk of the whitest injury ever by pointing a knife in the direction of your hand that is holding said avocado. Solution: Ripe—even somewhat ripe—avocados can be peeled like an orange. Cut the avocado in half, then take the half you want to eat, or both if you want. Peel off the skin like it's a really pliable orange, and then slice the bare avocado meat like a block of cheese, in any pattern you'd like. You won't hurt yourself and you'll never waste precious avocado again. - Emma Carmichael
Sprinkle or spray your baked goods with water. Do it before they go in the oven to create a steamy effect that makes a variety of things more moist, crispy, golden in color, and generally better. Reheating bread and nervous about doing so without drying it out? Spray it with some water (run it under the tap if you’re confident in the method) and heat it up in the oven at 350-400-ish degrees. If you must use the microwave method—wrapping the thing in a damp paper towel and nuking it for 10 seconds—and then finish it off in an oven or toaster oven for soft insides and toasty outsides. - Puja Patel
Other Kitchen-Related Fare
Get a coffee maker with an automatic wake-up timer. Nothing has had a bigger impact on my life than having a steaming cup of joe waiting for me in the morning. It’s the last thing I do before I go to bed and I love it as a wind-down ritual. There’s nothing cozier than java fumes as soon as you open your eyes. I take a cup right back into bed, which is bliss. - Leah Beckmann
I think this never occurs to a lot of people, but you can flush large batches of liquid-based food like soups or sauces down the toilet if you're worried about clogging your sink. - Sam Biddle
A Cool Cat Thing
If your kitten is biting you a lot, the next time it bites you stick your finger in its mouth and say "yoww!" in a high pitched voice. Repeat as needed. It was odd for everyone but it worked. I learned this from my boyfriend who can't remember where he learned it. - Ellie Shechet
Trick Your Children
If you have been tasked with putting a toddler to bed, and they want you to lie there with them until they fall asleep, but you are bored, just say “I’ll be right back!” Then leave for five minutes. There’s a pretty good chance they’ll fall asleep while you’re hiding from them! - Kate Knibbs
Matters of the Home
If you, like me, live in an apartment with a persistent cockroach problem, first, try not to feel shame about it. It's not your fault your landlord is too cheap or lazy to meaningfully address the problem. Plenty of your friends leave their dinner dishes in the sink overnight just like you do; they're just lucky enough not to have to worry about attracting bugs. Having roaches can make you feel like you must be some kind of slob—and telling yourself you're just a slob, that it's just your lot in life, is a good way to keep yourself from doing anything about it.
Second, get these products: Alpine WSG, Advion Gel Bait, Gentrol Point Source, and some kind of relatively heavy-duty spray bottle. Some of these may technically be illegal to sell to non licensed exterminators depending on where you live, but you can find them online. I won't bore you with all the details on how to use them, I'll just say that if you're reasonably diligent about it, you can more or less completely rid yourself of the problem in a matter of a few weeks.
The exterminator that the landlord hired to come by at my current apartment might as well be spraying water in my kitchen, for all the help it does in beating back roaches. I got to the end of my rope with it and decided to learn how to be my own exterminator after a friend gave me the above list of products and sent me on my way. I could not believe how effective it was. Now I'm an evangelist. Trust me: this shit will change your life. - Andy Cush
If you're thinking of buying a rug in a particular color and you're unsure how it'll look, but you happen to have a throw blanket that's about the same color, lay it on the floor to get an idea of how the rug would look. (Related to purchasing home goods, a life-changing reminder: you can dissolve those peanuts that come inside packages in water.) - Clover Hope
When You're Trying Your Best
I know you think that your whole angry, cynical thing is a non-negotiable, but it’s not. Take an SSRI and you’ll be better at your “art” and not cranky all the time. I promise your personality won’t change except you’ll be more fun to be around. - Joanna Rothkopf
If you are prone to overextending yourself or generally don't know how hard you should try at anything, try my favorite tactic, applicable to everything from partying to household chores to work projects to exercise to annoying text-message conversations: Always give 70 percent. If you think that's too much, your life will improve if you think of 70 percent as the new achievable maximum. If you think it's too low, don't worry, 70 percent is always fine. - Jia Tolentino
If you're one of those people who take two Advil every four-to-six hours to get rid of a headache, stop. Instead of that, take three or four Advil one time. I don't know what this will do to your liver—that's none of my business—but it will get rid of your headache. - Joanna Rothkopf
Getting to the Gym
A recent tip I have is to foster a completely demented from-afar crush on a stranger at the gym so you go more often to look at them. (It needs to all be in your head.) Note that you can't ever talk to them because that comes with a high change of disappointment or embarrassment, which will make you avoid the gym entirely. - Madeleine Davies
(Editor’s Note: I have not tried, nor do I blindly support, all of these tips. Have a tip you'd like to share? Feel free to leave it in the comments.)
