So that settles it, then: Iberia's Team is Andorra. And the Andorrans didn't even know they were an option.
This is what happens when Spain can't get past Cape Verde and then, maybe even more shockingly, Portugal gets stymied by the Democratic Republic of Congo. That is to say: Two of the heaviest favorites in this World Cup, each one of the most historically dominant teams in international soccer history, take nothing but shame from dropping points to a team that has never been in any World Cup and another that had never scored a goal in one. Middle fingers to the big man have never stood quite so proudly.
The internet has already glommed on to the Blue Whales, but now it has to double back on the Warriors of the Equator after a 1-1 draw that was almost even more dramatic. A clothesline by Tomás Araújo on Congo star Yoane Wissa four minutes from the end drew a yellow card but also stopped a scoring opportunity for Wissa, whom Premier League dorks know from Newcastle United and who had scored Congo's goal just before halftime. He was breaking toward the underbothered Portuguese goal when Araújo took a chance on a red card to save a goal-scoring chance. He got away with it, and the game ended 1-1 rather than 2-1 Leopards as a result, thus robbing Andorra of even more bragging rights and the Portuguese from drawing up plans to recolonize Cape Verde to steal their point.
Mostly, though, the Portuguese fared worse than the Spanish reputationally. While they did take an early lead through João Neves and had 75 percent of the possession, Portugal's dire finishing left them losing the equally useless expected goals stat. Portugal scored in the 55th minute from João Cancelo, though that goal was negated by Cancelo's choice to be about two yards offside. A minute later, Congolese forward Cédric Bakambu thwacked a shot off the post which was blown down because of a foul.
The rest of the game was mostly dominated by the stadium and most of the global television audience being mutually frustrated by Cristiano Ronaldo's uninspiring presence—two shots, both wide right, and a general vampiric vibe—and the frustrating absence of Bruno Fernandes from most of the Portuguese attack. The Congolese played the Portuguese essentially evenly throughout, as opposed to Cape Verde's spotless defending and invisible attack against the Spanish, but the results were the same—two reputations get dented while two new ones were created.
The World Cup is a marathon and not a sprint, and Spain and Portugal are still fully expected to get to the knockout stage. Their essential quality and puffy soft groups all but mandate it, but that's tomorrow's math. Today is about hat-tips for two previously invisible African sides that decided they were worthy of cheating the reaper, and did. Whatever else happens over the next month, they will always have that, and a nation even less imposing than either will have it, too. In other words, Ves a Andorra. Hey, it's all a matter of rooting interest in the end.
