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Maitreyi Anantharaman

Drake Batherson #19 of the Ottawa Senators skates to the bench after scoring a second period goal against the Toronto Maple Leafs at Canadian Tire Centre on March 14, 2021 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

The Senators Are Now Proud Allies Of The Sicko Community

Lauren Theisen

The Islanders Are Very Good, But They Don’t Have Alex Ovechkin

Barry Petchesky

BUFFALO, NY - FEBRUARY 15: Sam Reinhart #23 of the Buffalo Sabres before the game against the New York Islanders at KeyBank Center on February 15, 2021 in Buffalo, New York. (Photo by Kevin Hoffman/Getty Images)

This Is Rock Bottom

TORONTO, ON - FEBRUARY 22: Auston Matthews #34 of the Toronto Maple Leafs stretches during the warm-up prior to playing against the Calgary Flames in an NHL game at Scotiabank Arena on February 22, 2021 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. The Flames defeated the Maple Leafs 3-0. (Photo by Claus Andersen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Auston Matthews

Auston Matthews, Good Lord

Malfunctioning Horn Goes Off Every Minute, On The Minute, In Lightning–Red Wings

Avs Announcer Marc Moser Is A Land Of Contrasts

So We’re Doing This Islanders Thing Again, Huh?

Left: Tom Wilson working out. Right: Tom Wilson boarding Brandon Carlo

R.I.P. Tom Wilson The Himbo. Long Live Tom Wilson The Goon.

Ray Ratto

ST PAUL, MN - FEBRUARY 27: Head coach Darryl Sutter of the Los Angeles Kings looks on during the third period of the game against the Minnesota Wild on February 27, 2017 at Xcel Energy Center in St Paul, Minnesota. The Wild defeated the Kings 5-4 in overtime. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

Darryl Sutter Is Back To Shovel Out Some More Shit

The Ottawa Senators Have Drop-Kicked Yet Another Adversary Straight Into Hell

Brady Tkachuk #7 of the Ottawa Senators takes down Artturi Lehkonen #62 of the Montreal Canadiens

Even In Defeat, The Ottawa Senators’ Rampage Continues

David Rittich of the Calgary Flames allows a goal

The Flames’ Nerves Have Been Shattered By The Superior Mental Strength Of The Ottawa Senators

The Ottawa Senators Are Ruining Lives

Screenshot of ice during Blues/Kings game from 2/24/21

The Blues Played The Longest Game Of Keepaway Ever And Lost

I’m Hearing That Brady Tkachuk Now Holds A Partial Ownership Stake In The Montreal Canadiens

Marc-Andre Fleury Isn’t Going Away That Easily

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - FEBRUARY 01: Artemi Panarin #10 of the New York Rangers looks on during the third period against the Pittsburgh Penguins at Madison Square Garden on February 01, 2021 in New York City. This is Artemi Panarin's 400th NHL game. The Rangers won 3-1. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

Let’s Try To Untangle This Artemi Panarin News

STATELINE, NEVADA - FEBRUARY 21: Goaltender Tuukka Rask #40 of the Boston Bruins follows the play as Joel Farabee #86 of the Philadelphia Flyers and Jeremy Lauzon #55 set up in front during the first period of the 'NHL Outdoors At Lake Tahoe' at the Edgewood Tahoe Resort on February 21, 2021 in Stateline, Nevada. The Bruins defeated the Flyers 7-3. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Make Hockey Pretty Again

STATELINE, NEVADA - FEBRUARY 20: The Vegas Golden Knights skate against the Colorado Avalanche during the NHL Outdoors at Lake Tahoe at the Edgewood Tahoe Resort on February 20, 2021 in Stateline, Nevada. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

The Sun Is Undefeated

Jacob Markstrom leaves his net to try and make a save

Jacob Markstrom Got Too Antsy For His Own Good

Outdoor shinny hockey action during the 7th Annual Lake Louise Pond Hockey Classic on the frozen surface of Lake Louise on February 27, 2016 in Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada.

Defector Up All Night

We Have Been Bamboozled By The NHL And Its Fraudulent Outdoor Games

Samer Kalaf

Detail of the Arizona Coyotes logo during the NHL game against the Vegas Golden Knights at Gila River Arena on January 22, 2021 in Glendale, Arizona.

The Arizona Coyotes Really Aren’t Helping Their Case

GLENDALE, ARIZONA - FEBRUARY 15: Jason Demers #55 of the Arizona Coyotes skates onto the ice before the start of the NHL game against the St. Louis Blues at Gila River Arena on February 15, 2021 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

The Coyotes Exist To Make Every Other Awful Franchise Look Better

Zdeno Chara on the cover of The Hockey News

Media Meltdowns

Hockey Magazine Denies That It Ever Released A “Diversity Issue” With Zdeno Chara On The Cover

Artem Zub #2 of the Ottawa Senators draws a penalty for pulling down Morgan Rielly #44 of the Toronto Maple Leafs

The Maple Leafs Ate A Whole Plate Of Shit In Front Of Everyone