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Defector

<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

SAN FERNANDO, PHILIPPINES - JUNE 18: Customers queue at a McDonald's restaurant during the launch of the BTS Meal on June 18, 2021 in San Fernando, Pampanga province, Philippines. Long queues formed in several McDonald's restaurants in the Philippines as fans of the K-pop group BTS flocked to order the newly launched and wildly popular BTS themed meals. The limited edition celebrity meal "BTS Meal", a collaboration between the fastfood giant and BTS, will be made available in 49 countries. (Photo by Ezra Acayan/Getty Images)

Funbag

What’s The Least Fulfilling Line To Stand In?

LANDOVER, MD - JANUARY 01:A general view of the stadium after the game between the Washington Commanders and the Cleveland Browns at FedExField on January 1, 2023 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images)

The Commanders’ New Owner Is Eyeing An Exciting Opportunity To Piss Off Grateful D.C. Fans

College Football

Look At This Asshole’s Asshole Truck

The Case Against The Ironic LOL

guy with heartburn at night (Photo by Tom Kelley/Getty Images)

Elder Wisdom

I Am Now “Is This A Heart Attack?” Years Old

GLENDALE, ARIZONA - SEPTEMBER 08: Former NFL player and current sportscaster Mark Schlereth stands on the field during the NFL game between the Arizona Cardinals and the Detroit Lions at State Farm Stadium on September 08, 2019 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

IMPORTANT: New NFL TV Rules Will Reduce My Mark Schlereth Risk Factor By 50 Percent

QINGDAO, CHINA - AUGUST 14: (CHINA OUT) A woman wearing Facekini enjoys herself at a beach on August 14, 2014 in Qingdao, Shandong Province of China. The mask is used by people for protecting themselves from the sun's rays, jellyfish and algae. (Photo by Visual China Group via Getty Images/Visual China Group via Getty Images)

I Used To Be A Summer Crank

TEMPE, ARIZONA - FEBRUARY 16: (L-R) Owner Michael Bidwill, new head coach Jonathan Gannon and general manager Monti Ossenfort of the Arizona Cardinals pose for a photo during a press conference at Dignity Health Arizona Cardinals Training Center on February 16, 2023 in Tempe, Arizona. (Photo by Chris Coduto/Getty Images)

The Arizona Cardinals Are Still Intensely Fucking Weird

KANSAS CITY, MO - APRIL 28: A Washington Commanders fan during the second day of the NFL Draft on April 28, 2023 at Union Station in Kansas City, MO. (Photo by Scott Winters/Icon Sportswire)

Just Keep The Name Commanders And Be Done With It

Sam Bradford with Roger Goodell. There's a ton of money behind him, and it slowly fades away. Then Sam Bradford disappears too.

Jamboroo

The Rookie Wage Scale Has Poisoned The NFL

MIAMI, FLORIDA - APRIL 08: in their middleweight fight during the UFC 287 event at Kaseya Center on April 8, 2023 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC)

Who Are The Four Grimmest Men?

This Stupid Oven Is The Juicero Of TV Dinners

Help! My Friend Uses A Separate Loofah Just For His Butthole!

1970s SENIOR COUPLE SITTING ON PORCH ROCKING CHAIRS MAN READING NEWSPAPER WOMAN SHOUTING AT HIM (Photo by D. Corson/ClassicStock/Getty Images)

A Lesson In Marital Free Association

Fans of the Michigan State Spartans write ''state'' on their chests during a game against the Southern California Trojans at the Rose in Pasadena, California. Michigan State won the game 20-17.

Can I Stop Caring About My College Team?

Rice grains in the paddy field in Ranala near Colombo on March 05, 2023.

Underexplained Lists

Grains Of Rice, Ranked

A photo with added illustration of Washington Commanders owner Dan Snyder, with his tongue sticking waaaaay out to the side. As in, it almost reaches his jacket collar.

SnyderWatch: The Fucker Is Still Here

American alpine skier Madi Springer-Miller races against the clock on the slopes of Bald Mountain, Sun Valley, Idaho, 28th November 1951. Springer-Miller is training with other hopefuls for the United States Olympic ski team ahead of the 1952 Winter Olympics in Oslo, Norway.

Life Lessons

There Is A Coach In Me

WASHINGTON, DC - MARCH 20: Cherry blossoms near peak bloom around the Tidal Basin on March 20, 2023 in Washington, DC.

A Half-Assed But Useful Guide To Visiting Washington, D.C.

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN - NOVEMBER 19: Purdue students hold up a giant cutout of university president Mitch Daniels during the college football game between the Northwestern Wildcats and the Purdue Boilermakers on November 19, 2022, at Ross-Ade Stadium in West Lafayette, Indiana. (Photo by Michael Allio/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Media Meltdowns

Man Who Declares “There’s No ‘Us’ In ‘Me’” Has No Brain In Head

Animals

My Dog Has Messy Dingleberries. Is Wokeism To Blame?

View of young music fans as they look at vinyl LPs in the racks of an unidentified record store, Falls Church, Virginia, October 13, 1977. The teen at fore holds two albums ('New England' and 'Locked In') by British rock group Wishbone Ash. (Photo by Warren K Leffler/US News & World Report Magazine Photograph Collection/PhotoQuest/Getty Images)

What Crap Should My Teenager Have To Pay For?

TOPSHOT - This video grab taken from a video posted on the Twitter account of billionaire Tesla chief Elon Musk on October 26, 2022 shows himself carrying a sink as he enters the Twitter headquarters in San Francisco. Elon Musk changed his Twitter profile to "Chief Twit" and posted video of himself walking into the social network's California headquarters carrying a sink, days before his contentious takeover of the company must be finalized.

The Machines

Call These People By Their Proper Name: Fucking Dorks

Can I Throw Out My Husband’s Old Wrestling Dolls?

A Scrabble board with "I LOVE YOU" across and "NEENIE" down. In front are two tile racks with "DREW MAGARY" on them.