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<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA - NOVEMBER 03: Sam Darnold #14 of the Minnesota Vikings celebrates a touchdown against the Indianapolis Colts in the third quarter at U.S. Bank Stadium on November 03, 2024 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Vikings defeated the Colts 21-13.

Jamboroo

My Big Boy Sam Darnold Is Big Fun

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - APRIL 15: San Diego Chicken (Ted Giannoulis) cooks up some chicken wings on his grill at his home nest, April 15, 1986 in San Diego, California.

Funbag

Don’t Sauce My Fried Chicken If You Suck At It

Head coach Sean Payton of the Denver Broncos stands on the sidelines during the national anthem prior to an NFL football game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Raymond James Stadium on September 22, 2024 in Tampa, Florida.

Is Your Head Coach A Mayor?

A Pre-Election Dog Story For You, The Dog Fan

Voiture 4x4 de marque Jeep Cherokee à Tignes, France.

Let’s Remember Our Cars

In an old black-and-white photo, a pair of cute kids use an ear trumpet to communicate.

How To Go Deaf

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones looks on before a game against the Baltimore Ravens at AT&amp;T Stadium on September 22, 2024 in Arlington, Texas.

The 2024 NFL Season Is A Hater’s Paradise

Ostia Antica. Latrine at the Domus of Triclini, headquarters of the guild of builders. 2nd century AD. Near Rome.

What We Talk About When We Talk About Our Toilet Apps

A dirty empty plate, fork and knife on a wooden table. Used cutlery, symbolizing the end of lunch or dinner.

I Got My Fill

MIAMI, FLORIDA - OCTOBER 02: In this photo illustration, the names of the candidates for the 2024 Presidential election, including Republican presidential nominee, former U.S. President Donald Trump, and Democratic presidential nominee, Vice President Kamala Harris, appear on a vote-by-mail ballot on October 02, 2024 in Miami, Florida. With 33 days to go until election day, voters across the nation have begun to receive their absentee/mail ballots. (Photo illustration by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

October Surprises Are Bullshit

Father cooking on barbecue with wife and daughters

I Have Given My Sons The Gift Of Fire

Tom Brady looks on prior to the game at AT&amp;T Stadium on September 15, 2024 in Arlington, Texas.

We Must Address The Tom Brady Crisis (The Crisis Being That He Stinks)

Trevor Lawrence #16 of the Jacksonville Jaguars reacts during the second quarter against the Cleveland Browns at TrEver Bank Stadium on September 15, 2024 in Jacksonville, Florida.

Help, Help! All Of The Rich Quarterbacks Are Eating Shit!

Eric Ng leads the parade through the cubicles at Yahoo! in Sunnyvale, Calif. on May 24, 1996. Co-workers follow on bikes and roller blades. The parade was a regular, though impromptu, event at Yahoo!

There’s No Such Thing As Wasted Time

Deshaun Watson #4 of the Cleveland Browns is tackled by Damone Clark #18 of the Dallas Cowboys during the second half at Cleveland Browns Stadium on September 08, 2024 in Cleveland, Ohio.

End This Farce

Clorox disinfecting wipes are seen displayed for sale at a Walmart Supercenter on September 18, 2023 in Austin, Texas. Clorox has warned of a drop in quarterly earnings and product shortages after a recent cyberattack on the company's information technology infrastructure has disrupted operations and product availability.

Help! My Friend Wipes His Ass With Bleach!

CLEVELAND - 1987: Defensive backs Hanford Dixon #29 and Frank Minnifield #31 of the Cleveland Browns draw plays in the dirt on the field before a game at Municipal Stadium circa 1987 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by George Gojkovich/Getty Images)

A Well-Executed Day

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - AUGUST 13: Head coach Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes #15 of the Kansas City Chiefs talk prior to a preseason game against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on August 13, 2022 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Kansas City Chiefs

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - DECEMBER 15: Brock Purdy #13 of the San Francisco 49ers reacts after beating the Seattle Seahawks 21-13 at Lumen Field on December 15, 2022 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: San Francisco 49ers

Ancienne Belgique (AB) - Brussel - Belgium - 04/06/2005 Oasis: Liam Gallagher, Noel Gallagher Photo gie Knaeps

Oasis Is Back, You Wankers!

Lamar Jackson #8 of the Baltimore Ravens looks on from the sideline during the national anthem prior to the AFC Championship NFL football game against the Kansas City Chiefs at M&amp;T Bank Stadium on January 28, 2024 in Baltimore, Maryland.

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Baltimore Ravens

Head coach Dan Campbell of the Detroit Lions looks down prior to the NFC Championship NFL football game against the San Francisco 49ers at Levi's Stadium on January 28, 2024 in Santa Clara, California.

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Detroit Lions

HOUSTON, TEXAS - AUGUST 24: Cal McNair of the Houston Texans walks off the field during a preseason game against the Los Angeles Rams at NRG Stadium on August 24, 2024 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Ric Tapia/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Houston Texans

GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - JANUARY 07: Green Bay Packers fan looks on during the game against the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field on January 07, 2024 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by John Fisher/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Green Bay Packers

INGLEWOOD, CA - SEPTEMBER 19: Cowboys head coach Mike McCarthy and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones talk on the field during an NFL game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Los Angeles Chargers on September 19, 2021, at SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, CA. (Photo by Chris Williams/Icon Sportswire)