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Defector

Patrick Redford

HOUSTON, TEXAS - MARCH 30: Marcus Stroman #0 of the New York Yankees pitches in the first inning against the Houston Astros at Minute Maid Park on March 30, 2024 in Houston, Texas. (Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images)

MLB’s New Uniforms Continue To Suck Ass

Lauren Theisen

Nick Suzuki steps onto the ice for warm-ups

I Was A Habs Fan For A Night And That’s Plenty

Luis Paez-Pumar

Cody Rhodes celebrates during Night Two of WrestleMania 40 at Lincoln Financial Field on April 7, 2024 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Pro Wrestling

WrestleMania Distilled WWE’s Worst Excesses Into Five Glorious Minutes

Ray Ratto

PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA - MARCH 21: Head coach John Calipari of the Kentucky Wildcats walks off the court after losing to the Oakland Golden Grizzlies during the second half in the first round of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament at PPG PAINTS Arena on March 21, 2024 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The Oakland Golden Grizzlies won, 80-76. (Photo by Joe Sargent/Getty Images)

College Basketball

John Calipari Gets Out Ahead Of The Pitchforks And Torches

Tom Ley

Head Coach Doc Rivers of the Milwaukee Bucks speaks during a press conference after the game against the Atlanta Hawks at State Farm Arena on March 30, 2024 in Atlanta, Georgia. The Milwaukee Bucks defeated the Atlanta Hawks 122-113.

The Bucks Are All Fucked Up

Maitreyi Anantharaman

Simone Biles from the USA in action on the balance beam.

Crosswords

The Crossword, April 8: Start Your Engines

Kamilla Cardoso #10 of the South Carolina Gamecocks and Sydney Affolter #3 of the Iowa Hawkeyes jump for a rebound during the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament Final Four National Championship game at Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse on April 7, 2024 in Cleveland, Ohio.

South Carolina Is A Perpetual Machine

Los Angeles Angels first baseman Nolan Schanuel (18) bats during the Los Angeles Angels versus the Baltimore Orioles game on March 28, 2024, at Oriole Park at Camden Yards in Baltimore, MD.

Major League Baseball EMBROILED In Fussy And Arcane Scoring Scandal

Barry Petchesky

Honeybee drinking nectar from a flower in Markham, Ontario, Canada, on September 10, 2022. (Photo by Creative Touch Imaging Ltd./NurPhoto)

Sports Highlight Of The Day

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is The First Honeybee Ever To Pull A String

OTTAWA, CANADA - APRIL 6: Brady Tkachuk #7 of the Ottawa Senators stretches during warmup prior to a game against the New Jersey Devils at Canadian Tire Centre on April 6, 2024 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Andrea Cardin/NHLI via Getty Images)

I Need The Senators To Sit Down And Explain To Me What’s Acceptable To Do To An Empty Net And What’s Not

ATLANTA, GA - APRIL 05: Atlanta Braves pitching coach Rick Kranitz (r) talks to Atlanta Braves starting pitcher Spencer Strider (99) and Atlanta Braves catcher Travis d'Arnaud (16) at the pitching mound during the Atlanta Braves 2024 season Home Opener against the Arizona Diamondbacks on April 5, 2024 at Truist Park in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by David J. Griffin/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

The Elbows Are Exploding

Paige Bueckers #5 of the Connecticut Huskies and JuJu Watkins #12 of the USC Trojans looks on during the second half in the Elite 8 round of the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament at Moda Center on April 01, 2024 in Portland, Oregon.

See The Subject Beyond The Frame

Korbin Albert of the United States arrives at the field

Soccer

USWNT Stars Past And Present Condemn Rising Star Korbin Albert’s Noxious Internet Habits

Defector Staff

A panicked crowd on Broad Street, New York City, after the closing of the stock exchange doors during the Panic of 1873, 20th September 1873. The stock exchange stayed closed for ten days. (Photo by Kean Collection/Archive Photos/Getty Images)

This Is So Stupid

Defector Status Report: East Coast Earthquake

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<p>Charles P. Pierce is a writer at <em>Esquire</em> and the author of four books, most recently <em>Idiot America</em>, and has been a working journalist since 1976. He lives near Boston with his wife but no longer his three children.</p>
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Charles P. Pierce

College Basketball: NCAA Final Four, North Carolina State David Thompson (44) victorious with net after winning game vs UCLA, Greensboro, NC 3/24/1974

50 Years Later, My First Final Four Is Still The Best

<p>Annie Howard is a journalist and historian based in Chicago. She is currently at work on her debut manuscript, <em>The City Made Me Trans</em><i>.</i></p>


Annie Howard

an aerial view of an empty Guaranteed Rate Field

How To Fix Chicago’s White Sox–Shaped Black Hole

Israel Daramola

Arts And Culture

The Defector Guide To Making A Celebrity Sports Documentary

Fans hold up a "SELL" flag as the Boston Red Sox play the Oakland Athletics at Oakland Coliseum on April 02, 2024 in Oakland, California.

The A’s And Sacramento Will Pretend Not To Know Each Other

David Roth

Astros pitcher Ronel Blanco strikes a prayerful gesture after getting the last out of his no-hitter against the Toronto Blue Jays on April 1, 2024.

The More Random The Pitcher, The Better The No-Hitter

Shohei Ohtani strikes out in an uncharacteristically undistinguished and unflattering way against the San Francisco Giants. The Distraction logo is at upper right.

Podcasts

Subtraction By Subtraction, With Ray Ratto

Jerrod Carmichael accepts Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special for "Jerrod Carmichael: Rothaniel" onstage during the 74th Primetime Emmys at Microsoft Theater on September 12, 2022 in Los Angeles, California.

The Surreal Life Of ‘Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show’

PHOENIX, AZ - MARCH 7: Mat Ishbia speaks during a press conference announcing Phoenix as the host of the NBA All-Star 2027 on March 7, 2024 at Footprint Center in Phoenix, Arizona. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2024 NBAE (Photo by Jeff Haynes/NBAE via Getty Images)

Mat Ishbia Revealed To Be Familiar Kind Of Asshole

Giri Nathan

ATLANTA, GEORGIA - APRIL 03: Malachi Flynn #18 of the Detroit Pistons reacts during a timeout against the Atlanta Hawks inthe second quarter at State Farm Arena on April 03, 2024 in Atlanta, Georgia. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Sure, Yeah, Malachi Flynn Scored 50

<p>Staff Writer</p>
<p>Find me on Signal @DefectorChris.19</p>


Chris Thompson

The Wandering Athletics Right-Size Their Operation To A Rinky-Dink Minor-League Park In Sacramento

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<div class="p-rich_text_section">Tom Scocca is the editor of <a href="http://indignity.net">Indignity</a>, a subscription-supported newsletter of news, essays, and commentary.</div>
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Tom Scocca

A Palestinian checks a damaged vehicle after Israeli strikes in central Gaza Strip city of Deir el-Balah, on April 2, 2024.