It is generally agreed that the Miami Dolphins are the worst team in professional football not named the Ottawa Redblacks. In fairness, the Dolphins could go 0-13 in the NFL, just like the Redblacks have in Canada, based on all the things they have not done, are not doing, and will not do between now and Thanksgiving.
Everyone agreed when the season began that the Dolphins were going to stink to high heaven, so we can move off them. Indeed, losing in Week 1 to the Raiders did not elevate Las Vegas in the football speaking world because the same logic was applied to the Dolphins that is typically applied to teams beating the Raiders: Well, it's the Raiders. What else would you expect?
Well, now we're stuck with wondering if the Raiders are actually cured of their Raiderhood because after whomping the miserable Dolphins, they whomped the Los Angeles Chargers Sunday by nearly the same score, and we are confronted by one of two choices—we are finally wrong about the Raiders for the first time since Jon Gruden was fired, which we refuse to accept, or the Chargers are as god-awful as the Dolphins are and as such could be as bad as the Redblacks, too. And the jury is feverishly deliberating that even as we speak.
Their performance against Las Vegas—at home—was genuinely so abject that Jim Harbaugh might have to dial up the screwball comedy part of his personality to distract us from the comprehensive misery of the team he coaches. They have lost their first two games by the same score (26-14) at home to two teams who are synonymous with institutional failure and were 3-14 as recently as a season ago. Their offense is essentially Ladd McConkey and a bunch of tight ends. The Raider loss should have been significantly worse because the Chargers fumbled six times. Their final five possessions of the game, which occurred after the Chargers' last score, went punt, punt, Justin Herbert fumble, Justin Herbert interception, and holding penalty in the end zone for a safety. In sum, here's your Chargers replay of the day.
Fortunately, the Chargers are still good enough to build some momentum off this slow start ... err, uhh, maybe? Their next eight weeks are at Buffalo, at Seattle, Denver, at Kansas City, bye week, at the Los Angeles Rams, Houston and at Baltimore. They are or will be underdogs against all eight of them, including Bye. They could very much see 0-9 in their future, and if Herbert's expression as he pretends to listen to offensive coordinator/director of football nerdery Mike McDaniel is a window into the team's soul, bank on it.
Indeed, the Chargers have been more show than go for most of their history. Hiding behind the best uniforms in the NFL, they have teased more than pleased, and Herbert's reputation as an elite quarterback has somehow not stood the test of game play. Hiring Harbaugh was going to change all that, and two successive 11-6 records very nearly invigorated the most tepid fan base in America.
But both seasons ended in wild card losses in which the high-octane Chargers were beaten 32-12 and 16-3, so this was going to be the year we finally had to make up our minds on who and what they are. And what they are is losing to the Cardinals and Raiders at home, with a brutal run of games ahead. People have lost jobs for less; hell, people have been shot into the sun for less.
The Chargers may simply be the kind of team that makes decisions that make sense in the moment that don't hold up over time. Harbaugh's coaching history made him an ideal candidate; Herbert's work at Oregon made him a no-brainer as a high draft pick; in fact, Miami could have had him in 2020 instead of Tua Tagovailoa and maybe McDaniel would still be coaching in south Florida today.
Alternate universe talk, though, is for losers. At least the Chargers can still fall back on not being as bad as the Dolphins, or the Atlanta Falcons, or the Redblacks. In fact, we'll go so far as to say they'd be the prohibitive choice to win the Grey Cup right now. Maybe what we have here ultimately is a good team in the wrong league. Just don't sleep on those plucky Montreal Alouettes. They have cool uniforms, too.
