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Ray Ratto

Gregg Berhalter Head Coach of the United States during the National Anthem before the CONMEBOL Copa America group C match between the United States and Uruguay at GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium on July 1, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri.

U.S. Soccer Is Happy To Make You Wait

Tom Ley

Temwa Chawinga #6 of Kansas City Current controls the ball during the first half of the National Womens Soccer League game against NJ/NY Gotham FC on April 14, 2024 at Red Bull Arena in Harrison, New Jersey.

Barbra Banda And Temwa Chawinga Were Bigger Than The Season’s Biggest Game

Sometimes Ugly Gets The Job Done

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI - JULY 1: United States Head Coach Gregg Berhalter walks across the field at the end of the CONMEBOL Copa America group C match between the United States and Uruguay at GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium on July 1, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Bill Barrett/ISI Photos/USSF/Getty Images for USSF)KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI - JULY 1: during the CONMEBOL Copa America group C match between the United States and Uruguay at GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium on July 1, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri. (Photo by Bill Barrett/ISI Photos/USSF/Getty Images for USSF)

U.S. Soccer Is Damned If It Does

Alex Sujong Laughlin

Players give high-fives after the National Anthem before an NWSL match between the Portland Thorns and Kansas City Current on June 23, 2024 in Portland, Oregon.

The NWSL Took Me Back

Christian Pulisic #10 of the United States yells at referee Kevin Ortega during the second half against Uruguay at GEHA Field at Arrowhead Stadium on July 01, 2024 in Kansas City, Missouri.

A Noisy Loss Is Still Just A Loss

Luis Paez-Pumar

Jude Bellingham of England, scores his team's first goal with a acrobatic kick during the UEFA EURO 2024 round of 16 match between England and Slovakia at Arena AufSchalke on June 30, 2024 in Gelsenkirchen, Germany.

England Was Finally Exciting, Still Not Actually Good

Billy Haisley

USA's midfielder #15 Joao Lucas Cardoso and USA's goalkeeper #18 Ethan Horvath gesture after Panama's forward #17 Jose Fajardo scores his team's second goal during the Conmebol 2024 Copa America tournament group C football match between Panama and USA at Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, on June 27, 2024.

The USMNT Has Outgrown Its Manager

Salomon Rondon of Venezuela celebrates with teammates after scoring the team's first goal during the CONMEBOL Copa America 2024 Group B match between Venezuela and Mexico at SoFi Stadium on June 26, 2024 in Inglewood, California.

Venezuela Is Making Some Noise

Belgium's Romelu Lukaku (M) in action against goalkeeper Anatolij Trubin (r) of Ukraine.

It Sucks How Much Belgium Sucks

England captain harry Kane reacts after a near miss as Jude Bellingham of England looks on during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between England and Slovenia at Cologne Stadium on June 25, 2024 in Cologne, Germany.

Never Show Group C To Me Again

Lasha Dvali of Georgia, Tomá Soucek of Czech Republic and goalkeeper Giorgi Mamardashvili of Georgia battle for the ball during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Georgia and Czechia at Volksparkstadion on June 22, 2024 in Hamburg, Germany.

At Euro 2024, The Good Comes From The Bad

Mattia Zaccagni of Italy celebrates scoring his team's first goal during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Croatia and Italy at Football Stadium Leipzig on June 24, 2024 in Leipzig, Germany.

Italy Climbed Out Of Its Grave And Shoved Croatia In

Patrick Redford

Lalas confusing and infuriating Daniel Sturridge

Love Him Or Hate Him, Alexi Lalas Stinks At His Job

A general view of pregame ceremonies before the CONMEBOL Copa America match between Argentina and Canada on June 20, 2024 at Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia.

A Comprehensive And Tastefully Belated Guide To The 2024 Copa América

Declan Rice of England shows dejection after a draw ing the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Denmark and England at Frankfurt Arena on June 20, 2024 in Frankfurt am Main, Germany.

This Can’t Be The Sum Of All Of England’s Parts

Robin Hranac of Czechia concedes an own goal, the first goal for Portugal, as cze during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Portugal and Czechia at Football Stadium Leipzig on June 18, 2024 in Leipzig, Germany.

The Czech Republic Was Undone By Its Own Center Back

Turkey celebrates their side's victory in the UEFA Euro 2024 Group F match at the BVB Stadion Dortmund in Dortmund, Germany. Picture date: Tuesday June 18, 2024. (Photo by Nick Potts/PA Images via Getty Images)

Turkey-Georgia Was Perfect

Nicolae Stanciu of Romania scores his team's first goal past Andriy Lunin of Ukraine during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Romania and Ukraine at Munich Football Arena on June 17, 2024 in Munich, Germany.

These Are The Bangers Fox Is Hiding From You

Wout Weghorst of the Netherlands celebrates scoring his team's second goal with teammates during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Poland and Netherlands at Volksparkstadion on June 16, 2024 in Hamburg, Germany.

Just Give It To The Big Lad

Jude Bellingham of England celebrates after scoring his team's first goal during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Serbia and England at Arena AufSchalke on June 16, 2024 in Gelsenkirchen, Germany.

Nobody Does Dispiriting Wins Better Than England

Ronaldinho Gaúcho of União sends a kiss to his fans during Futebol Solidário match at Maracana Stadium on May 26, 2024 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Ronaldinho Blames It All On The Deodorant

Bukayo Saka of England reacts during the international friendly match between England and Iceland at Wembley Stadium on June 7, 2024 in London, England.

A Guide To The 2024 Euros With A Depth Of Analysis Surpassed Only By Its Timeliness

Orlando Pride forward Barbra Banda (22) in action during a NWSL match between the Seattle Reign FC and the Orlando Pride on May 19, 2024 at Lumen Field in Seattle, WA.

The NWSL Is There For Barbra Banda’s Taking

LANDOVER, MARYLAND - JUNE 08: Tim Weah #21 of the United States reacts during the second half against Colombia at Commanders Field on June 08, 2024 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by John Dorton/ISI Photos/USSF/Getty Images for USSF)