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Billy Haisley

USA's midfielder #15 Joao Lucas Cardoso and USA's goalkeeper #18 Ethan Horvath gesture after Panama's forward #17 Jose Fajardo scores his team's second goal during the Conmebol 2024 Copa America tournament group C football match between Panama and USA at Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia, on June 27, 2024.

The USMNT Has Outgrown Its Manager

Luis Paez-Pumar

Salomon Rondon of Venezuela celebrates with teammates after scoring the team's first goal during the CONMEBOL Copa America 2024 Group B match between Venezuela and Mexico at SoFi Stadium on June 26, 2024 in Inglewood, California.

Venezuela Is Making Some Noise

Belgium's Romelu Lukaku (M) in action against goalkeeper Anatolij Trubin (r) of Ukraine.

It Sucks How Much Belgium Sucks

England captain harry Kane reacts after a near miss as Jude Bellingham of England looks on during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between England and Slovenia at Cologne Stadium on June 25, 2024 in Cologne, Germany.

Never Show Group C To Me Again

Lasha Dvali of Georgia, Tomá Soucek of Czech Republic and goalkeeper Giorgi Mamardashvili of Georgia battle for the ball during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Georgia and Czechia at Volksparkstadion on June 22, 2024 in Hamburg, Germany.

At Euro 2024, The Good Comes From The Bad

Mattia Zaccagni of Italy celebrates scoring his team's first goal during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Croatia and Italy at Football Stadium Leipzig on June 24, 2024 in Leipzig, Germany.

Italy Climbed Out Of Its Grave And Shoved Croatia In

Patrick Redford

Lalas confusing and infuriating Daniel Sturridge

Love Him Or Hate Him, Alexi Lalas Stinks At His Job

A general view of pregame ceremonies before the CONMEBOL Copa America match between Argentina and Canada on June 20, 2024 at Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia.

A Comprehensive And Tastefully Belated Guide To The 2024 Copa América

Declan Rice of England shows dejection after a draw ing the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Denmark and England at Frankfurt Arena on June 20, 2024 in Frankfurt am Main, Germany.

This Can’t Be The Sum Of All Of England’s Parts

Robin Hranac of Czechia concedes an own goal, the first goal for Portugal, as cze during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Portugal and Czechia at Football Stadium Leipzig on June 18, 2024 in Leipzig, Germany.

The Czech Republic Was Undone By Its Own Center Back

Turkey celebrates their side's victory in the UEFA Euro 2024 Group F match at the BVB Stadion Dortmund in Dortmund, Germany. Picture date: Tuesday June 18, 2024. (Photo by Nick Potts/PA Images via Getty Images)

Turkey-Georgia Was Perfect

Nicolae Stanciu of Romania scores his team's first goal past Andriy Lunin of Ukraine during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Romania and Ukraine at Munich Football Arena on June 17, 2024 in Munich, Germany.

These Are The Bangers Fox Is Hiding From You

Wout Weghorst of the Netherlands celebrates scoring his team's second goal with teammates during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Poland and Netherlands at Volksparkstadion on June 16, 2024 in Hamburg, Germany.

Just Give It To The Big Lad

Ray Ratto

Jude Bellingham of England celebrates after scoring his team's first goal during the UEFA EURO 2024 group stage match between Serbia and England at Arena AufSchalke on June 16, 2024 in Gelsenkirchen, Germany.

Nobody Does Dispiriting Wins Better Than England

Ronaldinho Gaúcho of União sends a kiss to his fans during Futebol Solidário match at Maracana Stadium on May 26, 2024 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Ronaldinho Blames It All On The Deodorant

Bukayo Saka of England reacts during the international friendly match between England and Iceland at Wembley Stadium on June 7, 2024 in London, England.

A Guide To The 2024 Euros With A Depth Of Analysis Surpassed Only By Its Timeliness

Tom Ley

Orlando Pride forward Barbra Banda (22) in action during a NWSL match between the Seattle Reign FC and the Orlando Pride on May 19, 2024 at Lumen Field in Seattle, WA.

The NWSL Is There For Barbra Banda’s Taking

LANDOVER, MARYLAND - JUNE 08: Tim Weah #21 of the United States reacts during the second half against Colombia at Commanders Field on June 08, 2024 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by John Dorton/ISI Photos/USSF/Getty Images for USSF)

The USMNT’s Loss To Colombia Was A Comprehensive Embarrassment

Alex Belth

Journalist Grant Wahl (right) works in the FIFA Media Center before a FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Group B match between Wales and USMNT at Ahmad Bin Ali Stadium on November 21, 2022 in Al Rayyan, Qatar. He had been detained earlier by stadium security for wearing a rainbow-colored t-shirt before later being allowed to enter the stadium.

Remembering Grant Wahl, America’s Greatest Soccer Writer

Scarves of Kylian Mbappe, Jude Bellingham and Vinicius Jr.hang in a souvenir stall outside the stadium prior to the UEFA Champions League 2023/24 round of 16 second leg match between Real Madrid CF and RB Leipzig at Estadio Santiago Bernabeu on March 06, 2024 in Madrid, Spain.

Real Madrid Plays Itself

COMMERCE CITY, COLORADO - JUNE 01: Sam Coffey #17 and Lily Yohannes #6 of the United States enter the field for warmups prior to playing the Korea Republic at Dick's Sporting Goods Park on June 01, 2024 in Commerce City, Colorado. (Photo by Erin Chang/ISI Photos/USSF/Getty Images for USSF)

Lily Yohannes Is The Truth

Real Madrid's Spanish defender Nacho Fernandez (C) and Real Madrid's players lift the trophy to celebrate their victory at the end of the UEFA Champions League final football match between Borussia Dortmund and Real Madrid at Wembley Stadium in London, United Kingdom on June 01, 2024.

Real Madrid Is Bulletproof

FC Barcelona women's football team present their Champions League trophy to supporters from the balcony of the Catalan Regional Government headquarters one day after getting their third Champions League triumph, in Barcelona on May 26, 2024. The Catalans finally avenged final defeats by Lyon in 2019 and 2022 yesterday in Bilbao, beating the French giants 2-0 to lift the Champions League for the third time.

Mods Asleep

Buy The T-Shirt, Not The Jersey

Ademola Lookman of Atalanta BC is celebrating with the UEFA Europa League championship trophy after winning the final match between Bayer Leverkusen and Atalanta BC at Dublin Arena Stadium in Dublin, Ireland.

Ademola Lookman’s Time Has Finally Come

Albert Burneko

Xavi Hernandez, head coach of FC Barcelona follows the match during the LaLiga match between FC Barcelona and Rayo Vallecano on May 19, 2024 in Barcelona, Spain.