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Internationals

Top-Tier Shithousery Lugs USMNT To The Gold Cup Final

Hours before the USWNT wheezed across the finish line against the Netherlands in Olympic knockout round play, and hours before the men would back the USWNT‘s equal pay lawsuit in an amicus brief, the USMNT also played a game of their own. The version of the USMNT contending for the Gold Cup is, of course, […]

Patrick Redford

USA's goalkeeper Matt Turner (C) celebrates after Qatar's forward Hasan Al Haydos (2nd R) missed a penalty kick during the Concacaf Gold Cup semifinal football match between Qatar and USA at Q2 stadium in Austin, Texas on July 29, 2021. (Photo by Sergio FLORES / AFP) (Photo by SERGIO FLORES/AFP via Getty Images)

The USWNT Struggled, Scrapped, And Survived

Crystal Dunn #2, Rose Lavelle #16, Christen Press #11, Megan Rapinoe #15 and Alex Morgan #13 of Team United States celebrate following their team's victory in the penalty shoot out after the Women's Quarter Final match between Netherlands and United States on day seven of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games at International Stadium Yokohama on July 30, 2021 in Yokohama, Kanagawa, Japan.

Italy Deserved It

Italy's defender Giorgio Chiellini raises the European Championship trophy during the presentation after Italy won the UEFA EURO 2020 final football match between Italy and England at the Wembley Stadium in London on July 11, 2021.

It Did Not Come Home

Luis Paez-Pumar

England players look on dejected after losing in the penalty shoot out during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Final between Italy and England at Wembley Stadium on July 11, 2021 in London, England.

Lionel Messi Led Argentina To The Final, And His Teammates Took It From There

Luis Paez-Pumar

Lionel Messi of Argentina lifts the trophy with teammates after winning the final of Copa America Brazil 2021 between Brazil and Argentina at Maracana Stadium on July 10, 2021 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

There’s Still Time For England To Do More Than Win

Harry Kane of England is congratulated by Phil Foden after scoring the second goal during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Semi-final match between England and Denmark at Wembley Stadium on July 07, 2021 in London, England.

[WILD GESTURING AND SCREAMING IN ITALIAN]

Players of Italy celebrate following their team's victory in the penalty shoot out after the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Semi-final match between Italy and Spain at Wembley Stadium on July 06, 2021 in London, England.

Italy Had Just Enough Gas To Make It To The Final

Luis Paez-Pumar

Jorginho of Italy celebrates with Matteo Pessina and Domenico Berardi after scoring their sides winning penalty in the penalty shoot out during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Semi-final match between Italy and Spain at Wembley Stadium on July 06, 2021 in London, England.

IF YEW DON’T FINK ISS COMIN ‘OME I HAVE NEWS: ISS COMIN’ ‘OME!

England's forward Harry Kane celebrates with England's forward Raheem Sterling (L) after scoring third goal during the UEFA EURO 2020 quarter-final football match between Ukraine and England at the Olympic Stadium in Rome on July 3, 2021.

Why Not Denmark?

Luis Paez-Pumar

Players of Denmark celebrate their side's victory in front of the fans after the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Quarter-final match between Czech Republic and Denmark at Baku Olimpiya Stadionu on July 03, 2021 in Baku, Azerbaijan.

Germany Can Finally Start Over

Luis Paez-Pumar

Germany's forward Thomas Mueller reacts to missing a goal opportunity during the UEFA EURO 2020 round of 16 football match between England and Germany at Wembley Stadium in London on June 29, 2021.

Football Has Loaded Up The Car, Typed The Address Into The GPS, And Lads: It’s Coming Home

England's forward Raheem Sterling (L) celebrates after scoring the opening goal during the UEFA EURO 2020 round of 16 football match between England and Germany at Wembley Stadium in London on June 29, 2021.

No One Is Safe At The Euros

Luis Paez-Pumar

Switzerland's goalkeeper Yann Sommer reacts after saving a shot by France's forward Kylian Mbappe in the penalty shootout during the UEFA EURO 2020 round of 16 football match between France and Switzerland at the National Arena in Bucharest on June 28, 2021

Spain Has Nothing Left To Fear

Spain's players celebrate their fifth goal during the UEFA EURO 2020 round of 16 football match between Croatia and Spain at the Parken Stadium in Copenhagen on June 28, 2021.

The Netherlands Blew It, Again

Luis Paez-Pumar

Matthijs de Ligt of Netherlands looks dejected after being shown a red card during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Round of 16 match between Netherlands and Czech Republic at Puskas Arena on June 27, 2021 in Budapest, Hungary.

Federico Chiesa Showed Us Soccer In All Its Glory

This Is What Spain Should Be

Luis Paez-Pumar

Aymeric Laporte of Spain celebrates with Koke after scoring their side's second goal during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Group E match between Slovakia and Spain at Estadio La Cartuja on June 23, 2021 in Seville, Spain.

Romelu Lukaku Can See The Future

Belgium's forward Romelu Lukaku scores past Finland's goalkeeper Lukas Hradecky during the UEFA EURO 2020 Group B football match between Finland and Belgium at Saint Petersburg Stadium in Saint Petersburg, Russia, on June 21, 2021.

The Pain, Delusion, And Potential Glory In Rooting For Venezuela

Luis Paez-Pumar

Venezuela's Ronald Hernandez celebrates after scoring against Ecuador during their Conmebol Copa America 2021 football tournament group phase match at the Nilton Santos Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, on June 20, 2021.

Robin Gosens Beheaded Portugal, But Portugal Bared Its Own Neck

Germany's defender Robin Gosens (L) heads the ball to score their fourth goal during the UEFA EURO 2020 Group F football match between Portugal and Germany at Allianz Arena in Munich on June 19, 2021.

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