President Donald Trump did not fire multiply radioactive Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem on Thursday, a day after members of Congress grilled her over agents of her department murdering American citizens, her having viciously slandered those murdered Americans, obvious graft and corruption in the awarding of federal contracts by her department, and her (and her department's) inappropriate relationship with Trumpworld creature Corey Lewandowski. She has been replaced as DHS head by Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin—but she has not been fired! Do not put in the newspaper that Kristi Noem has been fired by Donald Trump!
No indeed, in a post to his busted social network Trump says that Noem is being reassigned to the—to, ah... to... hm, let me see here...
The current secretary, Kristi Noem, who has served us well, and has had numerous and spectacular results (especially on the Border!), will be moving to be Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas, our new Security Initiative in the Western Hemisphere we are announcing on Saturday in Doral, Florida. I thank Kristi for her service at "Homeland."
Ah. Yes. The famous The Shield of the Americas. I guess they didn't have any openings at present on the Paw Patrol. Do you think she'll have to get through a probationary period first or will she get to meet Captain Planet on her first day? I wonder if she'll get Colonel Lockjaw's old office.
I also wonder when she'll find out she works there. She just wrapped up a whole press conference in which she appeared not to know she had been uhhhhh not-fired from DHS. Nobody told her.
