How best to react to the latest news on the Los Angeles Rams? Easy. With complete abandon and logical recklessness. That's how the veterans do it.
Said latest news, that massive offseason signing Myles Garrett has fouled his knee, failed to will it healthy again, and now will have surgery that will take out all of September and a chunk of October as well. Garrett was the big swing of the summer, but the fact that it was the Rams that took it is no surprise. General manager Les Snead and head coach Sean McVay love acquisitional bat speed more than nearly any team not named Real Madrid or Barcelona, and between Garrett and veteran ace in the hole Aaron Donald, they surely constructed the most unsettling defensive front since their own Fearsome Foursome six decades ago.
In fact, they also apparently took another shot at cornering the pass-rush market by making a strenuous run at Las Vegas Raiders designated menace Maxx Crosby, one which failed in significant part because Crosby decided in the wake of his abortive trade to Baltimore that he wanted against all odds to remain a Raider, a choice we presume he will rue for the next six decades or so.
In the most fevered imaginations, a Garrett-Crosby-Donald pass rush would have meant the near extermination of the quarterback as a class of player, and the Rams moving from heavy Super Bowl favorites past prohibitive to "Well, there doesn't seem much reason to bother playing the games now, is there, Mordred?" Of course, things don't work quite so cleanly in real life; maybe Donald would have viewed the Rams' need to be superfluous and stayed on his beach.
But now, with Crosby still a Raider and Garrett up on blocks for a month, Donald is now vital to the Rams' defensive presence as a running mate with the other edge, Kobie Turner, and nose tackle Poona Ford. We'll wait while you look them up. It also represents a considerable downshifting of the Rams' profile to the outside world, exacerbated by their 27-7 beating at the hands of the San Francisco 49ers, whose offseason was as ridiculous as the Rams' was wondrous. But when you live by the sword, the shaving cuts can be a real bastard.
As it was a week ago, the Rams were positioned to wreak unusual havoc on the NFC. Now, they have to wonder if Donald will be ready for Week 2 against the New York Football-Adjacent Giants, and then get to go to Denver and Philadelphia before returning home to host Buffalo. Add to that the way they played in general against the Niners, and it becomes easy to see an entire season of incandescent promise blowing itself to smithereens.
Of course, none of it is ever that simple, because things could get even worse: Think Matthew Stafford turning 38 in deed as well as calendar. They could also get materially better: Garrett could return better than ever in the minimum recovery time of four weeks. Either way, Rams fans will have to sweat out the autumnal equinox in a way they hadn't considered, and the only comfort they have is in knowing that even if there are no more big swings to take this season, their front office at least went out flailing. It means hoping for the most malevolent gods to do their worst to L.A.’s playoff rivals, which said gods are absolutely positioned to do. After all, in pursuit of the old saying, they can always use a good laugh, and nothing tickles quite like mortals making plans. The Rams made big plans, and would have done more if they could have gotten away with it. That'll teach 'em.
