Why Your Team Sucks 2026: Buffalo Bills

Some people are fans of the Buffalo Bills. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Buffalo Bills. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: It was an interception. Get over it.

Your 2025 record: 12-5. As always, Buffalo's dominant regular season meant nothing. In fact, that gaudy 12-5 record wasn't enough to keep the hated New England Patriots from wresting the AFC East crown away from the Bills after five years atop the division. Those same Patriots would go on to play in the Super Bowl, and in just the second year of their young quarterback's career. They might play in—and win!—many more Super Bowls after this. Meanwhile the Bills have had one of the best QBs in the sport for many years and yet still can't navigate their way through the AFC playoff field without tying their dick in a knot.

The details from last season will be pathetically familiar to all. The Bills' first loss of the regular season came at home to New England, in a game where Pats WR Stefon Diggs went for 119 yards receiving in the second half alone. Kicker Andy Borregales nailed a 52-yarder with just 15 seconds left to seal the Pats win. Because when you're the Buffalo Bills, clutch kicks happen to you, not for you.

The 2025 Bills also sported the second-worst run defense DVOA in the entire league, and it showed in inexplicable blowout losses to Atlanta (Bijan Robinson went for 170 yards on 19 carries, including this 81-yard house call) and Miami (174 yard on the ground for De'Von Achane). Then came a truly hideous TNF loss in Houston, in which QB Josh Allen was sacked eight times, including twice in a row on Buffalo's final possession. If this were any other organization, fourth-and-27 would have become an indelible bit of championship lore. For the Bills, that miracle lateral only served to slightly delay the inevitable game-losing pick. It's as if this team was engineered specifically to turn its fans onto the wonders of synthetic opioids.

Before the postseason, the Bills raised one final red flag when they stormed back from a 13-0 deficit in Philadelphia, only for Allen to miss a wide-open pass in the end zone for the potential game-winning two-point conversion. But don't worry, all you #BillsMafia losers. Your team edged out the Jaguars in the Wild Card round (any team can do this), setting up a gimme of a divisional matchup against Bo Nix and the Denver Broncos. Keep in mind that neither Patrick Mahomes nor Lamar Jackson were even in the playoff bracket last season. You guys had a primrose path to the Super Bowl laid out for you. Here's how that ended up going:

Allen committed four turnovers in that game, including a fumble with 16 seconds left in the first half that led directly to a Broncos field goal. Allen fumbled on the very next possession after that, putting his team in a 23-10 hole that only he alone would be able to get them out of. Credit where it's due, Allen did just that, forcing overtime only to entrust his best pass of the evening to the dreaded Brandin Cooks, who happily let Denver CB Ja'Quan McMillian yoink the ball away from him for the interception as the two men were falling to the turf. I wouldn't trust Brandin Cooks with a takeout order, much less the fate of a playoff game. Nix and the Broncos took possession, drove the length of the field, and then your life in Buffalo turned an even deeper shade of gray.

After the game, the Bills decided to indulge in the lowest form of coping: blaming the refs.

"It's hard for me to—and I've had a chance to look at it—it's hard for me to understand why it was ruled the way it was ruled," McDermott said postgame.

Well, Sean McDermott, that's because you're a fucking dunce. And so are you, owner Terry (Rob Zombie voice) Pegula!

"First thing I said to (Josh Allen), I said, 'That was a catch.' We all know what I'm talking about."

Brother, if you're looking for solidarity, you came to the wrong place. Perhaps you wouldn’t have to worry about the refs if you didn't spend every season asking your quarterback to subject himself to almost as much brain damage as the average Bills fan gives themsevles at a tailgate. But introspection, like sunshine, is in scant supply in Western New York. So instead of blaming themselves for the Denver choke job, Bills brass decided to clumsily blame McDermott instead, firing him after the loss while keeping just about every other phase of this Mickey Mouse operation intact. To wit:

Your coach: Joe Brady, who was already here. The Bills spent a solid week interviewing outside candidates for the job before saying to themselves, "You know what? Let's roll with the guy who was the OC for the LSU championship team in 2019 and has been dining out on it ever since."

After coasting to a national title with an offense that included Joe Burrow, Justin Jefferson, and Ja'Marr Chase, Brady went to Carolina to serve as the Panthers' offensive coordinator under then-head coach Matt Rhule. He failed in that gig, even when he had future Super Bowl champ Sam Darnold at his disposal. From there, Brady went to Buffalo to serve as QB coach to an already fully developed Josh Allen, then got kicked up to OC after Ken Dorsey was fired in the middle of the 2023 season. Brady has accomplished nothing of note since arriving in Buffalo. Now he gets to take over the whole thing. Every talented coach out there would have shit hot knives to work with Allen. Why did the Bills settle for this coattail-riding nobody?

Oh right.

That's front office executive Brandon Beane, seen above screaming at local Buffalo drivetime pair Goober & The Fart because the radio hosts dared to question his terminal inability to find decent wideouts for his MVP quarterback:

"You guys are bitchin' that we don't have a receiver. I don't git it … A year ago, I get you guys asking why we don't have receivers, but I don't understand it now.”

The Southern accent makes it worse, doesn’t it? Anyway, Brandon, maybe you're getting the third degree from a pair of radio bozos because the Bills only had one credible wideout—pint-sized slot receiver Khalil Shakir—on the roster all season long. That's how you end up trying to win a road playoff game with Brandin fucking Cooks forced to play a critical role. Why not sign Geronimo Allison while you're at it, shitskate?

McDermott had overstayed his welcome in Buffalo. He was a surly dick who wilted in critical moments and could never convince good coaches to work under him. But he was hardly the only guilty party here. Beane, whose personnel moves over the past few years left everything to be desired, was arguably an even worse offender. But instead of showing him the door alongside Coach 9/11, Pegula promoted Beane, held a joint presser with Beane to smear McDermott on the coach's way out the door, and then let Beane handpick his own personal Brian Schottenheimer to take over. It is I who don't git it, Brandon. Make it make sense, you grungy little fuck.

Pete Carmichael, who has spent the bulk of his NFL career as Sean Payton's briefcase, is your new OC.

Your quarterback: New dad Josh Allen, currently 30 years old but aging like he smokes five packs a day. Pats QB Drake Maye is seven years younger than Allen, has 200,000 fewer miles on him, and already has an AFC title on his resume. New England has its next Tom Brady now, so back down to the kiddie table you Bills go. And don't go acting like Allen can keep playing Superhulk for another decade without rupturing vital organs. You guys had your window with this man, and now you are in the denouement of his story, which ends with him and his movie-star wife fleeing Buffalo by 2030 at the absolute latest. Sean McVay is already texting Manhattan Beach real estate listings to the happy couple.

If Allen should finally miss extended playing time, your new backup is Kyle Allen. Defenses won't be able to tell the difference!

What's new that sucks: "I don’t know exactly what Moore was thinking here, but it looks like he was just not interested."

You know everything that Brandon Beane said up above about how it was unfair to criticize the Bills wideout corps? Well, forget all of that shit, because the newly minted President of Football Operations made a panic trade this offseason for former Chicago Bears playoff scapegoat DJ Moore. While I am forever grateful to Moore for ripping the soul out of the Green Bay Packers twice in the span of a single month a season ago, he posted just 50 catches in 2025, hasn't had a 1,000-yard campaign since 2023, and will carry a cap hit of nearly $29 million going into his age-30 season in 2027.

Moore was so old and relatively ineffective that Chicago was more than happy to offload his fat contract (plus a fifth-rounder) to Buffalo this spring in exchange for a second-rounder. That's all the added weaponry that Beane has given his poor field general. Unless you count third-round pick Skyler Bell (I do not), Allen's receiving menu remains unchanged from a year ago. Behind Moore there's still Shakir, plus third-year bust Keon Coleman, whose selection Pegula blamed directly on McDermott in that infamous presser. Can't wait for Beane and Pegula to pin the DJ Moore trade on Joe Brady when Moore lets up on another crossing route.

Because the salary cap makes you bleed out slowly, the Bills had to say goodbye this offseason to the likes of EDGE Joey Bosa, CB Taron Johnson, CB Darius Slay, LB Matt Milano, EDGE A.J. Epenesa, S Taylor Rapp, CB Tre'Davious White, G David Edwards, QB Mitch Trubisky, CB Cameron Lewis, FB Reggie Gilliam, S Jordan Poyer, and T Ryan Van Demark. Many of these gentlemen were well past their expiration dates, but they represented a loose core for the Bills' recent playoff runs. They're all gone now, which means Allen will have to again work twice as hard for half of zero.

Beane only had enough cap room to bring in a handful of depth signings in free agency to replace what was lost. Terminally injured LB Bradley Chubb is the only new fix to that horrible run defense. Meanwhile, the secondary will be reliant on new safeties Geno Stone and C.J. Gardner-Johnson, the latter getting cut by every team he plays for because his teammates always end up hating his guts. Unless second-round CB Davison Igbinosun is great right away, Christian Benford is the only viable corner left on the roster. Otherwise, you guys are hoping for a leap from Maxwell Hairston that, by camp accounts, he won't be making anytime soon. Certainly not before he gets pinched for sexual assault again. Beane is clearly more interested in protecting his phony-baloney job than in winning actual football games this season.

The good news is that you guys are playing in a new stadium this fall! And the reviews couldn't be more glowing! See here!

Bills content creator Alex Brasky highlighted the "small" video boards at Highmark Stadium. The score, time, and video footage are all difficult to see from the opposite end of the stadium.

Brasky tweeted: "Video boards inside the new Highmark Stadium are pretty underwhelming. Small."

And here!

"The field is ass right now," said one player who didn't want to be identified.

Boy, when you have an aging roster that will have to burn every last calorie just to make it to the divisional round, it always helps to make them play their home games on a field of gravel!

The new Rivals uniforms are horrible. American politics would have been better off if Tim Russert's heart had exploded 15 years before it did.

What has always sucked: Let's take a moment to not praise New York Governor Kathy Hochul.

It's Hochul who gleefully allowed Pegula to slant-drill $850 million in state funds to build this new death trap of a stadium. That's money that could have been used to fund schools, hospitals, elderly care, the MTA … shit, Hochul could have blown that money on more Bills-fan cosplay merch and it still would have been better spent. Instead, this DCCC wet dream opened the bank vault for Pegula, who will now cease to give even one-tenth of a shit about his team's performance on the field. There's no Super Bowl in your immediate future, Buffalo. There is only new stadium advertorial, Josh Allen's feet getting fatally tangled up in the Field of Ass, and decades of suicidal weather ahead for you. I'd be sad, but no one told you schmucks to live in the hinterlands. Buy a Greyhound ticket and experience true freedom already.

Bills fans are never sober enough to actually remember any of the games they watched. I never saw Buffalo 66 and never will. Fuck Chris Berman.

What might not suck: You guys have the chance to beat Patrick Mahomes in the regular season for a second straight year! HANG A BANNER!

HEAR IT FROM BILLS FANS!

Skios:

There will never be a team that's as bad at being a good team as the Buffalo Bills.

Dan:

I can't believe Hailee lets him hold the baby.

Andy:

Firing McDermott was the right thing to do. In 2023.

Richard:

We had a good run, Bills fans! But we're slowly headed back to the days of DSL internet, AOL Instant Messenger, Kardashians on TV and the promise of a sub-500 season packed with games at 1pm. I'm honestly all for it. I was happier, less anxious and passed out drunk by 6pm on a Sunday.

Phil:

Every winter I get sympathetic texts from friends and relatives that I haven't heard from in years whenever the Bills lose in the playoffs. It's like reliving my dad's death every year. Fun! 

Fuck the Patriots.

Maribel:

Every fucking year the Bills theatrically shit themselves and die in front of the entire country and I have to spend the rest of the postseason sitting in the cuck chair knowing just how badly the Bills could beat every remaining team playing were they not a fundamentally unserious organization.

CP:

I waited 17 years to get back to the playoffs. Then I patiently waited another seven years for us to successfully go through the playoffs to get back to a Super Bowl. And I'm still waiting.

Mike:

When Josh hangs up his cleats in a few years, that shiny new stadium is going to be emptier than Beane's promises.

Jay:

EJ:

Trump threatened to buy them a dozen years ago, and that outcome would have been better than what this brain trust has given us.

Our GM looked at the wide-open AFC, then looked at a roster with glaring needs at receiver and a D-line that couldn't stop a toddler from repeatedly gashing them for seven yards a pop and said, "Nah, we’re good."

Our fans are racist, the goddamned Patriots were allowed to get good again, and KC, Baltimore, and Cincy will all be back with high draft pics. 

But at least wwe have a new stadium. I'm betting one of the Bills Mafia faithful will christen it by falling over the railing in the first quarter of the first preseason game.

Alex:

I'm a Western New York expat, currently icing in Chicago and have become the Bills guy in my friend group. My friends will go out of their way to let me know when they see Bills gear anywhere they happen to be, or to let me know that they have seen another Bills fan in the wild. Since their return to relevance, I have come to embrace the yearly playoff flameout of the Bills, because their eventual implosion causes so many members of my friend group to check in on me and remind me that I'm loved. 

Also, a good hearty fuck you to Terry P and his personal seat licenses.

Dan:

At least home field advantage, long considered huge for us, is now going to consist solely of rich assholes who can afford the tickets.

Ben:

My father-in-law is a goddamn doctor and had a row of five season tickets in the upper end of the 100 level for over 30 years. He couldn't even spring for one this season, anywhere in the stadium.

Zack:

The owner is still a moron who can't speak at a press conference without embarrassing the entire franchise. The new coach is like a frat guy who claims he's just in it for the networking. The general manager spent more energy staging a coup than scouting wide receivers. The new stadium priced out all the fans except the 60,000 racist car dealership owners who run Western New York.

The fact that this team has Super Bowl expectations every year now has made every fan insane. Nobody can regulate their emotions. Every first down by the opponent is a nuclear disaster. Every dropped pass on third down is because the Bills are the worst offense you've ever seen. In like five games Keon Coleman went from a loveable scamp in his intro video to someone your average Bills fan would shout ungodly awful things to if they saw him on the street.

The Hallmark movie was embarrassing. Fuck Terry Pegula with Rex Ryan's veneers.

Noah:

Our entire run game was designed and coordinated by Aaron Kromer, who retired.

MB:

Fuck Terry Pegula with his daughter's best tennis racquet.

Dan:

Our D is transitioning to a new style of play that does not fit our players, and we didn't have the cap room to properly address it.

Evan:

The new coach is some dumbass shorts-in-winter white guy with a fade.

The Sabres finally got good again and I realized I care way more about them and feel a thousand times better about their future than the Bills, who already missed their window.

Kyle:

Terry's press conference back in February was a disaster class in press conferencing. I'm surprised a few people didn't come out on stage to shuffle him out the door midway through, like a few hospital orderlies who find a 93-year-old patient sitting on a steel bench in the courtyard, wearing nothing but a hospital gown and showing pigeons his dick. He threw his former head coach under the folding table. He gave MORE power to the guy who has drafted exactly two Pro Bowlers in 56 picks since drafting Josh Allen. I swear the Bills are doing everything in their power to go back to being a sub .500 team on an annual basis and the plan is being thwarted because we have Fast Phillip Rivers as our QB.

Matt:

The Bills hoovered a billion dollars out of one of the poorest cities in the country so that they could build a new stadium. The stadium is in the middle of exurban nowhere, because the first design requirement was "hundreds of acres of concrete so that Stan from Depew can get hammered on Krupnik and Blue Light in the parking lot," and the second was, "No dome, because we want to make sure that once this team reverts to its historic mediocrity we need Russ Salvatore to buy all the tickets after Thanksgiving."

I'll probably never actually see the inside of the new stadium, because I don't want to buy a license for the chance to get tickets so that I can walk through the gates of a building I helped pay to construct. It's all scams, top to bottom.

And every time I see the name "Highmark Stadium" I get angry about the tens of thousands of dollars that I've sent Blue Cross over the years.

I started watching the Bills right after the Music City Miracle, and I was so much happier being a fan during the drought years. Even hearing myself say things like, "Maybe Kyle Orton is the guy we've been waiting for!" was less embarrassing than rooting for a team owned by a fracking magnate who fired his head coach on a whim.

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