Why Your Team Sucks 2026: Pittsburgh Steelers

Some people are fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Ctrl-V.

Your 2025 record: 10-7. Again. Did these Steelers again make for lousy television from wire to wire? Yes. Did they again have an offense so staid that even Chuck Noll would be disgusted by? Yes. Did they again suffer a truly forgettable playoff loss? Please. Every year I do these write-ups, and every year some know-it-all asswipe tells me, “You can just say they’re the [team name here] and be good!” Well no, no I can’t. My job is to be a bit more detailed than that, Mister Editor.

But in the case of the Steelers, so little changes from year to year that it’s like being trapped in a time loop. A horrible, awful, miserable time loop. Trying to say something new about this team is like trying to teach a Joe Rogan listener how to read, or like trying to find potable water on the fucking moon. Everything about this organization is one repetitive, endless fucking chore.

And I haven’t even gotten to their asshole quarterback yet.

I will now run down the 2025 vintage as best I can. The Steelers started off 4-1, which of course made the rest of America groan. But they thankfully reverted to their signature blandness and went a torpid 6-6 after that … and there was mild rejoicing. The losses, as usual, were hideous. Here’s RB Kaleb Johnson letting a kickoff come to a peaceful rest in the end zone in Seattle, before realizing that all of his teammates and coaches were screaming "LIVE BALL!" at his stupid ass for a reason. Alas, it was too late. The Seahawks pounced on the ball for an insurance touchdown and won the game. The Steelers’ unvaunted defense also let Bengals QB Joe Flacco drive the field in the final two minutes to beat them with a field goal at the end. Not satisfied with that glaring failure, the Linen Curtain also blew a 16-7 halftime lead to Green Bay when the Packers racked up 21 points in the fourth quarter alone.

More pain awaited. Our antiheroes were forced to start QB Mason Rudolph—you’ll never be rid of him—at quarterback for a game in Chicago, which they of course lost. They let Buffalo run for a gaudy 249 yards on them while only posting a measly 166 total offensive yards of their own. But three straight wins after that put the Steelers in the driver’s seat to clinch the AFC North. Oh goody. All they had to do was beat alleged NFL team the Cleveland Browns in Cleveland, which would be a cinch for any serious playoff contender. An amputee could beat the Browns.

The Steelers did not. Pro Bowl legend (not a compliment) Shedeur Sanders threw a TD pass in the first quarter, and that was all the offense Cleveland required to seal the victory. That left Pittsburgh needing to beat the hated Ravens in a winner-take-all Week 18 affair. And God bless Lamar Jackson and company, they were on the verge of putting the Steelers away when—OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE TYLER LOOP.

You and I could have been spared from having to watch the Steelers waste a playoff berth but NOOOOOOOO. No, Loop had to shank that kick and gift Pittsburgh the AFC North title by default. And credit where it’s due: The Steelers did manage to keep their home Wild Card matchup with Houston close, until this happened. Followed shortly by this.

Pittsburgh was outgained 408-175 in that loss, its seventh straight in the playoffs. A midseason trade for CB/S Jalen Ramsey and TE Jonnu Smith accomplished nothing. Trading All-Pro WR George Pickens to Dallas before the season and grabbing WR Adam Thielen off the scrap heap later on accomplished even less. No matter what the Steelers do, they always end up in the same place. It’s not unlike living in Pittsburgh really, where every day is the same as the last and you only realize you’ve wasted your life once it’s too late.

Head coach Mike Tomlin, who played no small role in the ongoing malaise, finally wanted off the hamster wheel and kinda sorta not really shocked the nation by tendering his resignation after the season was over. The Steelers have employed only three head coaches in my lifetime, so surely they’d seek out another prospective lifer to replace Tomlin. Someone new. Someone fresh. Someone who understands the Steeler culture but has the youthful energy and gumption to capably steward the franchise for decades to come.

Here’s who they hired instead.

Your coach: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When you absolutely, positively have no interest in changing a goddamn thing about yourself, you hire Mike McCarthy. Did you know that Billy Beaver up there is from Pittsburgh?! Just like Kenny Pickett! Wow! Amazing! That totally means something to stupid people!

We have the book on this man committed to memory. Mike McCarthy is very good at putting a staff together (new defensive coordinator Patrick Graham should be a head coach) and keeps the train on the tracks for four solid months before suddenly calling plays as if he threw down an entire sheet of LSD tabs. He also ends every season with the entire roster resenting his very existence. Hate on Mike Tomlin all you like—white yinzers sure love to!—but the man was peerless at keeping egos in check. Beav is his polar opposite in that regard. Here’s proof:

Your quarterback: Again.

Aaron Rodgers says he’s retiring after this season is over, but Aaron Rodgers says a lot of things. In fact, saying things is about all this festering hemorrhoid can do anymore. He can’t throw the ball downfield. He can’t run for positive yardage unless the opposing defense has had a Nancy Mace–level mental lapse. He can’t hang in the pocket for longer than half a second because he’s afraid to be touched. Aaron Rodgers is one of the worst starting quarterbacks in football, and has been for years. And yet the Steelers were content to wait—through free agency, through the fucking DRAFT—for him to agree to come back and start for them. Perhaps the Steelers think that a reunion with McCarthy will somehow rejuvenate this five-tool deadbeat. They’d be alone in believing so:

Meanwhile, GM Omar Khan (OMG he’s still here too, WTF) performed some preventative care by selecting QB Christian Hackenberg Drew Allar on Day 2 of the draft. Allar has drawn raves all preseason, because the preseason is boring unless the people are willing to lie. Behind Allar is second-year man Will Howard, who is a dead ringer quality-wise for Mason Rudolph. That portends another season of Rodgers getting by on his winning personality.

I wish someone would give ME the measles.

What’s new that sucks: Motherfucker, didn’t you read all of the shit I just wrote? Nothing has changed. The owner would rather firebomb every Primanti Bros. in the city than experience one losing season, the GM has no interest in drafting a QB who can find his own dick without a map, and the defense’s longterm vision is, "Cam Heyward can keep playing at this level until he's 50, right?" You can get better results by planting apple trees in the fucking sand.

To Khan’s credit, he did manage to yoink free agent CB Jamel Dean away from Tampa to give the Steelers a primo cover corner while they fight with their other starting CB, Joey Porter Jr., about money. They also grabbed 2025 midseason legend RB Rico Dowdle from Carolina, and added former Bears S Jaquan Brisker to fortify their secondary, mostly because Ramsey can’t cover people anymore. Oh, and here’s TE Robert Tonyan, because Rodgers always needs one of his old bros from the Packers around to be his only friend. Doesn't this guy have a wife to hang out with? I’ve met middle schoolers with realer sex partners.

The Steelers also traded for former Colts WR Michael Pittman this offseason. With a capable QB in place, a duo of Pittman and DK Metcalf could be quite productive. With this QB room, you’re looking at two explosive plays every five weeks. At least rookie WR Germie Bernard is getting plenty of raves at training camp, so look out … until Week 1, when every preseason hype story is instantly disregarded.

Meanwhile, the team’s O-line ranked as one of the very best pass-blocking units in the league a year ago, mostly because Rodgers got rid of every ball like it had vaccine juice on it. Khan is hoping to fortify that wall with rookie T Max Iheanachor and rookie G Gennings Dunker, maybe enticing his gimp of a QB to wait for his reads to come open this time around. You’d like to believe that both these men will prove capable starters, but here’s a note from the FTN Almanac to remind you that you’re dumb as a post: “From the 2013 draft class to the 2023 draft class, only one Steelers first-round pick has re-signed with the team: T.J. Watt.”

Speaking of Watt, he’ll play well for a few games until everyone starts chipping him again. But at least Graham is the sort of innovative D.C. who knows that NFL rules allow him to line Watt up in more than one spot during a game.

What has always sucked: This is the cheapest NFL franchise east of Arizona. The facilities are shit, and they have to share them with a college team. The only reliable player on the roster is the kicker. All the best position players are older than me. The head coach was a lame duck from the day he was hired and the quarterback is a legless blowhard. Between Pat McAfee and Mark Madden, Pittsburgh is where Lucifer goes to forge media “personalities.” McAfee just got hired to do the MNF pregame show, because this country BLOWS.

Yinzers are the reason the internet is lousy with incest porn.

What might not suck: Everyone loves TE Darnell Washington because he’s fat.

HEAR IT FROM STEELERS FANS!

Nick:

We finally got rid of forever unappreciated Mike Tomlin for the older, less successful, whiter version of him. 

Sean:

I got a new job that required an ID badge, so I bought a Steelers lanyard for it. Big mistake. They bring on Aaron Rodgers and I become an instant target whenever I'm in the office. FUCK AARON RODGERS. 

Scott:

We re-signed Aaron Rodgers. Season is cooked. 

Ryan:

I could give two shits if he reconciled with his family, everyone knows he's still an asshole.

Dan:

Tomlin finally gifts the organization the opportunity to FINALLY hit the reset button and they decide the man to lead that effort is.... BEAV?!?!?!?!?!?!

I have a friend who is a Packers fan and spent years gleefully reminding him of what a dweeb he had as a coach. I completely deserve the retribution that's coming.

Ben:

Roethlisberger-to-Holmes with :37 to go was the peak of the modern franchise and it's been a long, pointless slide ever since. McCarthy was the nail in the coffin, hammered in with Art Rooney's urn. 

Kevin:

The only things I genuinely liked about the Steelers—committing to up-and-coming head coaches for the long term; young, aggressive defenses coupled with passable offenses—have not been abandoned so much as frog-marched over a razorwire minefield. 

The only thing about Pittsburgh I hate more than Aaron Rodgers is Pat McAfee. Fuck that guy with James Harrison’s kids’ participation trophies.

Phil:

We went from having one of the swaggiest coaches in the league to a coach who looks like he’s perpetually shitting himself.

Kevin:

There is a phenomenon in the business world called the third generation problem. The first generation starts a business and puts a ton of hard work into it to build something for their family. The second generation grows up seeing all the hard work and effort that is needed for the business to succeed, and then dedicates their life to making the family business as successful as possible.  

Then comes the entitled third generation, who either sell the company immediately because they don't want to put the work in. Or they run the business into the ground because they think success is guaranteed without much effort because of who their family is.  

This is a warning to all the Yinzers out there. Since the third generation of Rooneys took over, we have yet to win a playoff game, and just hired Mike McCarthy to turn this team around. We are about to become the new Browns for the next decade at a minimum.

Nick:

The 2025 season proved this roster's ceiling is "worse than the Texans on both sides of the ball," so we decided to just run it back.

John:

I'll maintain fandom when they inevitably beat a Ravens team that is 80x better than they are. I'll swallow my vomit when Rodgers has one good game and the farewell tour trumpets blow even harder. 

Terry:

Yes, I’m named after Terry Bradshaw.

Jamie:

My father began his career as an ironworker in Pittsburgh in the 70’s, but did work all over western PA. In 1987 some minor renovations were being completed at Point Stadium in Johnstown, so of course many of the union members were working there as the season neared.

You’ll recognize 1987 as the year of the player’s strike. The NFL hired scab players for the first three weeks of the season until a new labor agreement could be reached. Those scab players had their training camp practices held at that very stadium.

After practicing at St. Vincent College in Latrobe, the NFL players would hop on a bus and protest the scabs up in Johnstown. One day, as the replacement player bus arrived, the NFL players were already in the parking lot waiting. They began pelting the bus with rocks, bottles, and various other debris they could find in the parking lot.

My father watched all of this happening as he was on some scaffolding outside the stadium. He relayed the story to me when he arrived home in the evening. His exact words were, “Mark Malone picked up several rocks to chuck at the bus. The first two missed and the third one was intercepted.”

Jason:

“By all accounts he was a good teammate last year” I told my friends while they were shitting on Aaron Rodgers being on my Steelers. “And he didn’t go on McAfee’s show and he didn’t throw any of his teammates under the bus last season either! He’s got problems but he seems to have turned a corner. He even reconciled with his family!”

Well that bullshit didn’t even last through training camp. 

Jim:

Blessings to Troy Palumalu and Dick Lebeau for giving us some dignity in this century.

Eric:

I haven’t lived in Pittsburgh in six years, one guy I work with is a Steelers fan, he has two DUIs and has bragged about how he drinks even more now that his license is suspended.

The best thing in Pittsburgh is the fictional hospital and even that show is primarily filmed in Los Angeles.

Jeff:

Imagine my shock at seeing the headline 'Former Steeler named in Epstein Files' and it WASN'T Big Ben.

Triumph:

The last three years, the Steelers:

• went 10–7 and lost in the wild card round with Kenny Pickett at quarterback
• went 10–7 and lost in the wild card round with Justin Fields and Russell Wilson at quarterback
• went 10–7 and lost in the wild card round with Aaron Rodgers at quarterback

Hugues:

I've never seen a team handle their long-term QB situation worse, and I've lived in Chicago over 30 years.

Neil:

The Steelers weren’t finally lifting the dark veil of mediocrity from their fans’ eyes. No, that brief flicker of light we saw was simply a readjustment of that veil; to better smother us with. 

Pat:

Pittsburgh's most conspicuous representatives today are Pat McAfee, Bari Weiss, and the Steelers. Mike Tomlin would have left 60 Minutes alone.

Jim:

Everything is fucked. No one is getting laid. Everyone is now waiting for our nepo baby owner to kick the bucket in the hopes that the next one is willing to spend more than $30 on a coaching staff. 

Mike:

I moved to Pittsburgh for college in 2005, and thought it would be fun to become a Steelers fan. For five years in college, surrounded by other college kids, I had a great time being a Steelers fan.  Then I graduated, got a real job, moved to a real neighborhood, and met real Steelers fans. Steelers fans are the WORST. I’ve made a horrible mistake.

Rev. Keith:

Steelers management's idea to to relitigate Super Bowl XLV by hiring both Packers QB Aaron Rodgers and head coach Mike McCarthy proves that they haven't had a single new idea since Roethlisberger shuffled out of the NFL universe and into an afterlife of obscure podcasts.

Justin:

When we had Dwayne Haskins and then Justin Fields, our fans insisted they shouldn’t play because all Ohio State QBs are garbage in the NFL. Then we drafted Will Howard and the same fans demanded we start him immediately. I wonder why.

Ryan:

A Colts friend of mine gave me a Terrible Towel he stole from a passed-out Steelers fan in one of the sleaziest dive bars in Indianapolis after the Colts/Steelers wild card came. Thanks to Rodgers, we'll probably never get the vaccine necessary to combat whatever came off of that thing.

Nate:

Aaron Rodgers butt-chugs raw milk with RFK Jr. while shooting paper cut-outs of Anthony Fauci but this city wants him to coach up Drew Allar and Will Howard.

Any Steelers fan who says Drew Allar is the future never watched him play in college. 

Chris:

In my defense, Kenny Pickett does kind of look like Justin Herbert if I'm on my sixth beer, not wearing my glasses, and squinting. 

Adam:

Fuck Aaron Rodgers with RFK Jr.’s vocal cords.

Sam:

For last year's WYTS edition, I wrote in with a joke about how my doctor told me I had to stop drinking but the Steelers kept me in the bottle. Multiple people reached out in the comments with support. It was really meaningful and surprising, and I really appreciated it. Shortly after I submitted the email, I bottomed out and had a medical emergency. Since then, I quit drinking and have turned it all around. It's like a cliche: I lost 40 lbs., my blood pressure is normal, my sleep is normal, and most importantly, I'm the husband and father my family deserve (or at least something approaching it). I'm doing alright. Thanks again to all of your readers who said something last year. It's never too late to get help, and it's never too late to get better.

AND I DID ALL OF THIS FOR THE STEELERS TO HIRE MIKE FUCKING MCCARTHY?  JESUS CHRIST, WAS THEIR COACHING SEARCH LIMITED TO WHOEVER WAS HANGING OUT AT AIELLO'S PIZZA IN SQUIRREL HILL? AT LEAST WE DRAFTED ANOTHER FIRST ROUND OFFENSIVE LINEMAN WHO MUST IMPROVE (checks notes) KNOWING HOW TO BLOCK!  Do they still sell opium?

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