Money can't buy happiness, and it seems money plus an NBA title doesn't necessarily buy charisma. The New York Knicks held their championship parade and rally in Manhattan on Thursday, and although not everyone could get in to see the actual procession, there were plenty of fans celebrating in the area. Last week's good vibes kept rolling; Jerome "Junkyard Dog" Williams was in attendance. But for a moment, the ceremony at City Hall functioned as an inescapable reminder that James Dolan owns this team, and that means he gets some mic time whenever they appear as a group to celebrate their triumph. In less than two minutes, he was able to briefly derail the festivities like a heinous fart at happy hour.
Dolan began his remarks with a comment about the younger Knicks fans in the crowd, but because he can't deliver a line, it came off as a weird dig about their sincere love for the team. "Thank you for waiting 53 years, although I have to say: When I look out over the Knick fans here, you all don't look older than 53 years," he said. "Some of you weren't waiting 53—you weren't born yet. But we're very, very happy to have brought you a championship." Is it their fault for not being born earlier?
The part-time bluesman followed that up with a more overt dig at Mayor Zohran Mamdani, who had preceded him in the speeches. "I don't need your vote," Dolan said to the crowd. "I don't need to quote to you, right, about what happened here. If you're real Knicks fans, you know it already."
It's quite a feat to be at a championship ceremony—an occasion to celebrate the joy that a long-suffering NBA team has brought to its city, an event in which even a rich jackass could easily walk into a compliment if he had any grace—and still find a way to act like a huge sore loser. Dolan, who has already tried other ways to antagonize Mamdani this year, can take any situation and make it just a little more unpleasant. That takes true commitment, and something like the opposite of star quality. Earlier this week Dolan was talking about how he wouldn't spend more money to keep the roster intact, and how he's already accepted his buddy Donald Trump's invite to the White House on behalf of the Knicks, which would make them the first NBA Finals winner to visit that president in either of his terms.
As the Knicks receive their flowers this summer, let Dolan's appearance serve as a reminder: None of this team's success should be attributed to this miserable horse-toothed git. That he has anything to do with it is a matter of sheer luck and unhappy circumstance. Any random kid in one of the boroughs most likely knows more ball than he does.
By contrast, here's Mamdani's full speech, in which he remembers an assortment of guys who previously played for the Knicks along the way to this season's title: Renaldo Balkman, Toney Douglas, Lance Thomas, Raymond Felton, and many more. To Mamdani's speechwriter: If you have a Defector subscription, show yourself now.
