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Soccer

Cut It Out, Kevin

Bernardo Silva of Manchester City scores their side's third goal during the Premier League match between Newcastle United and Manchester City at St. James Park on August 21, 2022 in Newcastle upon Tyne, England.
Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

Good lord, man. Seriously? Can’t let Newcastle United get any shine? Offended by the notion that Erling Haaland might be your team’s best player now? Annoyed by Gabriel Jesus getting talked about as the stand-out performer of the start of the season? So you’ve gotta go and do this?

Like, for real? Hitting a slicing pass through six opposing players with more ease and assuredness than I sliced through that frog’s belly in seventh grade science class? Making Joe Willock impotently shutter his legs in a vain attempt to stop the nutmeg, looking like he’s trying to catch a bullet with a pair of scissors? And just mean-mugging the whole time afterward, as if it weren’t patently ridiculous and was instead something normal for you?

Sheesh, man. Have some respect for your competitors, or at least for their families. Subjecting them to something like that in front of an audience of millions? Incredibly harsh.

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