Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday at Defector during the NFL season. Got something you wanna contribute? Email the Roo. You can also read Drew over at SFGATE, and buy Drew’s books while you’re at it.
By now you know that the only thing that The New York Times does well in 2025 is games. Using both Wordle—which the company bought from indie game designer Josh Wardle in 2022—and their popular daily crossword puzzle as twin anchors, the Times has built a Games app that has boosted the company’s revenues to record levels. The Times’ process for developing games is as thoughtful and deliberate as its reporting is not. So when the NYT Games team launches a new puzzle, I can usually count on it to be a worthy addition to their portfolio.
That brings us to Pips, which debuted on the app this summer. Pips isn’t just the best game on that app already, it’s one of the best games I’ve ever played. On any platform. My endorsement doesn’t carry a ton of weight, since I’m not a hardcore gamer and never have been. But when a game DOES grab me—King’s Quest, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Room iPhone games—it grabs me completely. Pips is one such game, and I’m gonna explain how I play it to illustrate why.
(NOTE: To avoid confusion, I’m going to use single-digit numerals for the tile values described below.)
First, the rules: Pips is a puzzle game in which you must arrange a series of dominos inside of a grid. The challenge is that you have to align the pips on each tile to match the numbers and symbols on the grid. Here’s the Easy pips grid from Tuesday as an example:
Not that hard to decipher this one. The lone square needs to total five. The two aqua squares need to total nine. The two orange squares must be equal in number, as must the five pink squares. Now I have to take stock of the dominoes I’ve been given. There’s only one 5 tile among those dominoes, so that one obviously has to go into the square marked five above. 2 is the only tile that appears frequently enough on my rack to accommodate the pink squares, so I know the area in which all of the 2-tiled dominoes have to go, even if I don’t know the exact arrangement of them.
But I do, because this is an easy puzzle. The double 2 is the only domino that can occupy that little peninsula on the far right, so that has to go there. For the rest of them … well, I know that the only other repeat tile on my rack is the 0, so those tiles need to align along the bottom of the grid. The aqua squares need to tally nine, and I can see that the 6 tile and the 3 tile are the only two on my rack that add up to nine. Thus, the solution comes quickly.
You see how the logic to this game works. It’s not that different from the logic you need to figure out a Sudoku: this number can’t go in this area, but it has to go somewhere in this area. But because classic Sudoku is played on a fixed grid, that game can get stultifying after a while. Pips isn’t beholden to that fixed grid, or even to a single grid. Times editor Ian Livengood and his constructors can arrange the board any way they see fit, which gives them license to get really fucking weird if they like. At the Hard level, they do just that.
That’s a lot to take in if you’re playing this game on a tinyass phone screen. When I first started playing Pips, I didn’t even fuck with the Hard level. I saw all those squares, and all of those tiles, and immediately I was like, fuck this shit. More like Ian Livin’bad! I’m guessing you had a similar initial reaction, minus the pun.
But any good game is intimidating before you become fully acquainted with it, before you understand how the game works. I now know how Pips works, which is why playing the Hard level is often the highlight of my day.
So let’s take another look at the above puzzle. This article probably would have been better as a YouTube video, but stay with me here if you can. First of all, I see that there are three sections where all four tiles must be equal. 2, 3, 4, and 0 all appear four times on the rack underneath, but I know that I have to rule out the 4 tile as a candidate, because the lone pink square is calling for its own 4 tile. I don’t have five 4 tiles. What do I look like, the four factory? I’m not the fucking Sesame Street Count here.
Also, I see that the three purple squares on the lefthand side must be equal, and the 1 tile is the only one in my rack that appears exactly three times. The double 1 domino must go into that portion of the grid entirely. So I’ve that bit of information to work with now.
Now I see the “>4” purple square to the bottom right. A 5 or a 6 tile has to go there, and the only dominos I have with those tile values pair with either a 3 or a 0. That means the four gray squares must either by populated by 3s or 0s.
Your eyes are glazing over. My apologies. Even if you didn’t quite glean the above paragraph, you can sort a lot of these details out by performing a loose bit of trial and error—when in doubt with Pips, just start putting dominoes in places. I know that I need that 1/3 domino over on the lefthand side. Therefore, the gray squares have to be occupied by the 0 tiles and the yellow squares by the 3 tiles. That leaves the 2 tiles for the four aqua squares up top. I don’t know the exact spot of everything just yet, but now I have an idea of where everything belongs. That’s the a-ha! moment, and it’s a remarkably satisfying one. Once I have my mental map, I’m on my way to the full solution:
Unlike any puzzle game I’ve ever played, I actually like it when I need more time to solve a Pips. I don’t get frustrated, which is very unlike me. Usually if I get stymied for long stretches of a game, I’ll either scream FUCK THIS SHIT, or I’ll fold and stoop to using hints. Then I lash myself with a cat o’ nine tails for being so weak.
But something about Pips keeps me locked in for the entire time, even when I need half an hour (as I sometimes have) to solve it. I know that there’s an answer to be had, and I know that there’s an internal logic to finding it. Because Pips is on an asymmetrical grid, and because it has literally endless symbol combinations to choose from, that logic changes from game to game, particularly at this most difficult level.
That’s important, because the joy of any puzzle is not in solving it, but in figuring out how to solve it. That’s where the rush comes in. What makes Pips a special game is how it differs from grid to grid, which means that every a-ha! moment is just a little bit different from the last one. That’s enough to make it a standout among its peers, the rest of the Times Games app included. I still do Wordle, Connections, the Mini, and all the rest. But once you’ve played those games hundreds of times, doing them tend to gets more chore-ish as you go along. I mostly play Connections now to get mad at it.
Pips debuted just this past August, so it’s less prone to player fatigue than all of the other Times games. But again, this is a game that I like more the more that I play it. That’s not common at all for me. My brain, like yours, is a hungry animal, but an easily bored one. It craves stimuli, both for pleasure and for longevity, but demands a very specific form of it. Otherwise it gets bored in a hurry. I usually only know what this brain wants by trial and error: eating this food, reading that book, playing that game. Living, in another words. And then, once I come upon the exact sort of thing that my brain was looking for, it screams a-ha! to me in revelation. That’s the purest joy. I wish it were easier to find more such joys, particularly with the world in its present condition. But if such a quest were easy, I suppose that it wouldn’t be nearly as gratifying.
The Games
All games in the Jamboroo are evaluated for sheer watchability on a scale of 1 to 5 Throwgasms.
Five Throwgasms
Lions at Eagles: Let’s do a quick rundown of CB Jaire Alexander’s calendar year, shall we?
-Missed the final half of the season for Green Bay in 2024 with a combination of injuries.
-Cut by the Packers deep into the offseason when the two sides couldn’t agree to a revised contract.
-Signed by Baltimore. Suffered camp injuries.
-Played two games with Ravens. Made a grand total of five tackles in both games, with the Ravens’ D giving up a total of 85 points to the opposition. Got buried so far down the Baltimore depth chart that he was a healthy scratch over multiple games.
-Traded to Philadelphia before the deadline for a Day 3 pick swap. Immediately missed his first game with an injury.
-Quit the Eagles outright this week and may now retire.
This man is the Marcus Davenport of shutdown corners.
Seahawks at Rams
Four Throwgasms
Chiefs at Broncos: In case you missed it, Paul Tagliabue died over the weekend. Tags will likely go down as the George H.W. Bush of NFL commissioners. He wasn’t as visionary as Pete Rozelle, and he wasn’t as omnipresent as Roger Goodell. He was an unassuming pencil pusher, as many league commissioners once were. But it’s worth going back over his tenure anyway, if only to fill space.
First of all, Tags was the first NFL commish to practice concussion denialism. Secondly, Tags got along so well with his union leader counterpart, Gene Upshaw, that the owners ended up despising him for it. Once Tags retired, the owners swore they’d never appoint another commissioner like that. They wanted one who would do everything they wanted, and whose default setting at the negotiating table was “Fuck you.” Hence, we got Roger Goodell. For decades. So there’ll never be another NFL commissioner like Tags; his old bosses will make certain of it. Mourn as you see fit.
Bucs at Bills
Three Throwgasms
Chargers at Jaguars: Travis Hunter is done for the season. It’s one thing if Cam Ward ends up busting. Big-name QBs bust out all the time (just ask my team). But Travis Hunter was such a bulletproof prospect that the main argument around him was whether or not he could be an All-Pro on BOTH sides of the ball, or just one. Now I’m just praying he’ll get well enough to become a dangerous nickelback. This blows.
Two Throwgasms
Jets at Patriots: One of these teams has won seven straight. The other one, two straight. SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE!
Also, you know how I said I loved Drake Maye a while back?
Sorry Drake, but I now hope you dislocate your skull.
Panthers at Falcons
Bears at Vikings
Bengals at Steelers
One Throwgasm
Commanders at Dolphins (Madrid): Very smart of the NFL to schedule this matchup right when the average Spaniard takes their three-hour midday nap.
Cowboys at Raiders
Ravens at Browns
Packers at Giants
Texans at Titans
49ers at Cardinals
Pregame Song That Makes Me Wanna Run Through A Goddamn Brick Wall
“Necronomidonkeykongimicon,” by Goblin Cock! I know you might be skeptical, because of the whole name thing. But reader Phil is here to tell you that Goblin Cock is LEGIT:
This has to be the worst band name ever, but listen to this shit! I have never seen the cock of a goblin, but now I imagine it’s crunchy and goddamn heavy! Bonus points for the "fuck shit, and fucking fuck you" line, and the image of a wizard with a badass guitar on the piece of shit mountain bike that flashes at around two seconds. Good stuff...
He’s not wrong! This song is cool as shit! My only quarrel with Phil is that he thinks Goblin Cock is a lousy name for a band. Sir, I disagree. You’re allowed to name your band Goblin Cock if you’ve got the riffage to back it up. And you know what? These guys have it. They walk the Cock!
Fire This Asshole!
Is there anything more exciting than a coach losing his job? All year long, we’ll keep track of which coaches will almost certainly get fired at year’s end or sooner. And now, your current 2025 chopping block:
Brian Callahan—FIRED!
Brian Daboll—FIRED!
Mike McDaniel*
Jonathan Gannon*
Zac Taylor*
Kevin Stefanski
Pete Carroll
Dan Quinn
Raheem Morris
Sean McDermott
Brian Schottenheimer
Matt LaFleur
Kevin O’Connell
(* - potential midseason firing)
I like that the Giants’ current mess is now bleeding over into the Bills’ coaching mess. Buffalo has lost three of five, and whoa hey, look which former offensive coordinator of theirs just became available on the open market! Hey Sean McDermott, you gonna bring Josh Allen’s bestie, Brian Daboll, back onto your staff?
When asked Monday about Daboll being fired and if he would consider reaching out to him, McDermott said, "Yeah, no, I understand why you're asking that. Brian's a great coach. Unfortunate to see that happen to him. At this point, that's not under any type of consideration."
This man … he’s always got the pulse of his locker room. Can’t believe that team is suddenly in decline.
Jim Harbaugh’s Lifehack of the Week!
“I don’t respect people who use swimsuits. God did not make the ocean just for you to cover up when you go swimming in it. He wants you to enter his aquatic kingdom the same way you exited your mother. I don’t get why people can’t understand that. Even the woke kids wear swimsuits now, you know? I won’t lie, it kind of disgusts me.”
Great Moments In Poop History
Reader Blake sends in this story I call BUTTHOLE DREAMS OF POOPY:
My family went to the same pizza place owned by family-friends at least once a week when I was growing up. In about 10 years of eating there I probably ordered the pepperoni stromboli 95% of the time, and 99% of the time that I ordered said pepperoni stromboli, my guts did not revolt violently at all.
One Wednesday night when I was 11 or 12, we met my aunt and uncle for dinner like we always did. There were probably some mozzarella sticks before the stromboli that night, which you would think would have kept me plugged up at least long enough to make it home to punish my own poor toilet. While my family sat around talking after we finished eating, I started to feel the ripples. I hadn’t yet conquered my fear of public toilets, so I sat quietly and hoped my parents would wrap it up so we’d be home before it became an emergency.
My parents kept blabbering about whatever the fuck for another 10-15 minutes. Meanwhile the situation in my colon was growing exponentially more dire. It was knocking at the door. I felt a push start to gather, and I convinced myself it was just gas. Sitting there flat-assed at the table, I unclenched and shit directly into my shorts. I immediately went to the bathroom to assess. I’m not sure if anybody noticed at this point. But I’m sure they did when I came out of the bathroom, beelined to my mom’s ear, and whispered to her that I had just blown out my boxers. I wish there was footage of her face when she heard this.
My family drove home with the windows down and my sister pinching her nose in the seat next to me. I had only released some of the pressure and still needed to get home pretty urgently to finish what I started. I was adamant that the stromboli did this to me, but my parents maintained that you don’t get the shits that fast after eating something. They were probably right, but even 15 years later I still can’t break the connection in my mind between eating strombolis and getting diarrhea.
I don’t know if the restaurant staff ever found out about that night, but we came back to eat the next week like it never happened and it was never spoken of again.
Game ball to Blake for not letting this incident dissuade him from going back for more Stromboli. When you find a good pepperoni Stromboli, you hold onto it as best you can.
Brick Johnson’s Executive Proposal Of The Week
“OK Dad, I found the next big cash cow for us. This is the ONE, Woody. I swear. You know how everyone’s glazing that Dubai chocolate right now, because it’s all woke to like it? OK, so listen: my guy Bad Dan has grown a strain of weed that will not only knock you on your ass, but tastes exactly like the Desert Storm candy. We package and distribute this shit, and it’s a fucking gold mine. BD even brought some of product with him!”
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”
“Bruh. Did you smoke all of it already?”
“I feel fucking schweet.”
“You were supposed to save some for us, you buttfuck!”
“Hahahahahah that’s right, yeah. My bad.”
“Look Dad, just trust Bad Dan and me on this. You gotta seed this weed.”
“SEED DA WEEEED!”
“You can smell the chocolate on his breath, right? We’re not bullshitting you!”
Gametime Cheap Beer Of The Week
5,0! No, I’m not still doing a Pips walkthrough. That’s the name of the beer. Here’s reader A with the background:
Their gimmick is that they don't spend money on design or ads, keeping the price low. A half-liter can is between 0.49 and 0.69. They're a mainstay in German supermarkets and the beer is decent.
This sounds like an Aldi product. Not really sure if I mean that as a compliment or an insult. Let’s see what the beer’s official website has to say!
The brain runs on fun: Our 5,0 ORIGINAL LAGER BEER is a celebration of German brewing culture with a full-bodied taste and mildly hoppy notes. Perfect for piste and beach alike, this beer is an endless source of pleasure, fun and action!
I believe all of that. Don’t know why I bother playing Pips when I could stimulate my brain with this hearty brew.
Gameday Movie Of The Week For Browns Fans
Alien: Covenant. Ridley Scott directed this one, and latter-day Ridley Scott always guarantees that you’re about to watch the most gorgeous three-star films ever made. This one has lots of famous people (Michael Fassbender, Danny McBride, Katherine Waterston), lots of beautiful shots of deep space (I could watch nothing but cool space shots for hours at a time), and lots of gooey xenomorphs fucking up shit. I had a good time.
Gratuitous Simpsons Quote
“Hmm, who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.”
“The Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your eleven o'clock.”
Enjoy the games, everyone.
