In two weeks, the Philadelphia Eagles will play the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl. Every single day until then, a bunch of people will use "data" and "history" to try to predict who will win. But sports are about vibes (which can also be called "luck") as much as they are about talent. And so we must measure the vibes of these teams. Luckily, it is easy to do this because we have a useful comparison point: Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce and Eagles quarterback Jalen Hurts both wore tan suits this past Sunday.
Let's see how they compare!
Travis Kelce
Travis Kelce, the man who was the equivalent of a sentient pair of Zubaz until he slid into Taylor Swift's DMs, arrived at the Kansas City stadium before the game against Buffalo wearing what was claimed to be a "Thom Browne custom-made suit." Could have fooled me! This looks like when the artsy kids in school decorated their jeans with markers, except he's used strips of duct tape instead. I am very encouraging of men experimenting with their wardrobes and trying new things, but this is a Travis-ty! HAHAHA! That wordplay is almost as bad as this fit.
First, the styling of this suit is terrible. I see what he was trying to do here. Thom Browne has made the four horizontal bars a signature in some of his more recent collections. The bars, and the cut of the suits and accessories, are all clean lines and clearly evocative of school uniforms. The stripe as a repeating motif is not an awful idea here, but pairing the stripe-adorned suit with the stripe tie and a hat with a white stripe (couldn't it have been tan?) instantly becomes exhausting to look at. The decision to pair the suit with Jordans only makes the look worse. The combination of high-top sneakers with white socks and a tapered leg completely throws off his dimensions. It makes him look like a teenager who is being forced to wear last year's Easter suit by his mom. The overall effect of so many accessories is that the look is too distracting. Kelce is wearing a vest, a tie, a hat, and glasses, and carrying some kind of branded drink. It's unclear where to focus!
Now, the fit. This suit fits so poorly that it has found new and novel ways of not working. I have no choice but to hit this suit with a "too small." The jacket looks like it is trying to flee from the top button. Instead of draping and accentuating his torso, the jacket looks like it's being held hostage to Kelce's body. It's worth noting that when you wear a three-piece suit, you should show all three pieces. Instead Kelce is keeping it all under wraps, the only part of this outfit that is moving is the bottoms of the suit jacket which flap out with each step.
The layers seems to be stacked right on top of each other with no room to breathe. The pants are cut too high and the jacket sleeves are cut too short. The placement of the stripes on the leg of the pant don't make him look strong or lean. Derek Guy, a menswear writer and critic, wrote on Twitter that, "short, tight clothes don't work on [Kelce's] larger frame. he looks better in looser clothes that swish and move as he walks, and emphasize the breadth of his chest."
More than any of that, he seems to be falling into the same trap as his girlfriend when it comes to choosing an outfit: He's trying so hard that he reeks of it. I don't believe that he actually wants to wear this, or even that it is his personal style. The whole thing makes him seem like a youth pastor who is going to sit in a chair backward and promise you he's cool! He is giving "I've watched four episodes of Suits and I am ready to defend myself in traffic court." Harry Potter pulled off better fits at Hogwarts than this man! Theoretically, this should be the second-best outfit that an NFL player wears all season. And he chose this!
Travis Kelce managed to get away with this, because—like everything he does on the field—people seem to be blind to his transgressions. Not me! I am not a referee! I see how bad this is! It sucks.
Jalen Hurts
Jalen Hurts arrived at the game against the Commanders with an unfair advantage. He is famously, undeniably, a beautiful man. Women rush to his defense when he rarely needs it. So it is interesting to me that he chose a very similar (on paper) look to Travis Kelce for his championship game. It should be noted, however, that the Eagles played hours before Kelce arrived at the stadium, so if anyone copied someone else's menswear Pinterest board, it was not Jalen.
Here, we have another tan suit. But this one fits! The pleat in the pant at the waist line allows it to hang well over his giant legs. The pants hit at the ankle, where he has chosen a dress shoe that matches his belt and his Louis Vuitton bag. Usually I am not very interested in a beret, but it fits well, and I believe he chose it himself. Because wearing a beret is a choice! He seems happy in it! Because his face is long and angular, the beret sitting low on his forehead works well. And because all of these accessories are black, they work together instead of competing for attention.
He's wearing a simple black shirt, sure, but it's clearly made of good material and fits correctly. See how the seam of the shoulder is on his shoulder? Incredible and rare. He finishes it all off with a simple gold chain. This look is straight out of the '90s; it is giving strong Boomerang vibes. Finally, an inspiring leader who we can all agree looks good in a tan suit. At first, I thought this outfit was perfect. My editor Justin Ellis, however, challenged me. He thought Jalen should be wearing the suit jacket instead of holding it. At first, I admit, I thought this was stupid because then we would not be able to see Jalen's biceps. But I was wrong. Once presented with a photo of Jalen wearing the jacket for press, you can see his biceps just fine, and it looks great.
Jalen Hurts wins this competition easily! Travis Kelce is a crumpled wreck! Because of this, we are forced to conclude that Jalen Hurts wore it better and the Philadelphia Eagles will win the Super Bowl. Go Birds!
