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God Told Jordan Binnington To Smite His Enemies With A Water Bottle

ST LOUIS, MO - APRIL 22: Jordan Binnington #50 of the St. Louis Blues gets ready to play the Colorado Avalanche at Enterprise Center on April 22, 2021 in St Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)
Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

Media availability from locker room clean-out day is usually pathetic in all its meanings, but at least we got to hear Jordan Binnington’s explanation for why and how he threw a water bottle at Nazem Kadri after the Blues lost Game 3 of their series against the Avalanche. The short answer? Divine intervention.

For those not fully in the know about Water(bottle)gate, Kadri had crashed into Binnington during the game after getting entangled with Blues defenseman Calle Rosen, and Binnington suffered a knee sprain. The occasionally correct NHL Department of Player Safety decided that the incident didn’t merit further punishment, as it did not, but the Blues appeared to disagree. Binnington did too, at least in the moment, as he threw a water bottle at Kadri during a postgame interview, after enough time had passed for Kadri to change out of his gear.

Add on the context that Binnington “couldn’t find a recycling bin,” and it was only natural that the water bottle ought to be used as a projectile. Perhaps God does move in mysterious ways.

Emotional responses are hard to control in the moment, with the caveat that even so, by the time we reach adulthood we are normally capable of resisting our base, animalistic impulse to throw things at people we dislike. Ten days have passed since the incident, and a lot has happened in that time, including both head coach Craig Berube and multiple Blues players essentially suggesting that Kadri knew what he was doing, the Blues spending an entire game targeting Kadri whilst Kadri scored a hat trick, and many people making racist threats towards Kadri and Kadri’s family. There is a nauseous tension between language and racism that has since haunted the collision, and the series at large.

But not for Binnington! Binnington remains stoically unfazed in his sentiments: It happened, some greater power gave him the perfect opportunity, and he isn’t really sorry. Well, maybe he’s sorry that the water bottle landed two feet away from Kadri. He didn’t even hit him! Alas, God gave him his shot but unfortunately forgot to aim his arrow.

Recycle your bottles, kids. God knows we need it.