Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Israel Daramola and Ray Ratto will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.
Ray: Not to keep both of you in suspense, but Oberlin finished its season 0-10, losing the final game to Ohio Wesleyan, 35-0, and the season by an average score of 57-5. They remain “Our Beloved Yeomen,” in part because they didn’t go the sleazy route and fire head coach John Pont like their wealthier ingrates (FBS schools), but along the way we gave short shrift—well, no shrift at all, to be fair—to Sul Ross State, which went 0-11 and was outscored 666-129 in the Division II Lone Star Conference. The Lobos did their damnedest, but they scored 16 touchdowns to Oberlin’s seven in a tougher conference (we assume), so we are still Go Yeo, and looking forward to bigger and better things next year, whatever they are.
Israel: That’s the kind of year it’s been: excellence in mediocrity or just plain badness. The kind of year where Lane Kiffin can emerge as the belle of the ball, able to choose whatever future he wants. Does he want to “save” Florida or push Auburn over the top? Or is he content at Ole Miss, figuring if there’s ever a chance to make a perennial mid-tier program into a quality one this is it? Frankly, it doesn’t make much of a difference what he does. This is the best it’ll ever be for him. You only get to be the darling once, on the way to being hated and considered overrated after another couple years. Just ask Steve Sarkisian, who has been coaching with a bad attitude all year now that he’s no longer the darling of Texas. Moments in the sun are exactly that: moments.
Onto the games.
Hawaii at UNLV – Friday, 10:30 p.m. ET on FS1
You’re at a bar, you’re half in the bag, your pals have bailed because they have kids (or lives), you look up the TV over the bartender’s head, and lo and behold it’s an 8-2 team playing a 7-3 team in Satan’s Rec Room. You don’t want to go home before last call, and here’s your excuse. Oh, if you watched any parts of Florida State-NC State before this, you actually didn’t go to the bar with friends, you went to watch TV. You poor pathetic clod. – Ray
Harvard at Yale – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPNU
The Ivy's top two teams in a fight for the hearts and minds of teary-eyed romantics who drone on about The Way Things Were Meant To Be. It always works better when there’s more to play for than just hearts and minds, and here there is actually a place in the FCS playoffs, which the league used to consider beneath it. But now? Now they’re just two more football factories in a country full of them. What’s next? Getting their seasons updated on CollegeFootballReference.com? The world’s gone mad—mad, I tell you! – Ray
Miami at Virginia Tech – Saturday 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN
Miami needs a lot to break their way in order to sneak into the playoff bracket, starting with getting a place in the ACC championship game. They have three teams in front of them, and unless all three spend these last two weeks losing, Miami is in trouble. Though they do seem to be the only ACC team the playoff committee has even a modicum of respect for, it's unlikely the conference will get any additional spots in the final bracket other than the one guaranteed to the ACC champ. Miami has to stop fucking around with lesser competition and cross their fingers that the teams above them start to slip. – Israel
Louisville at SMU – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN2
Speaking of Miami needing breaks, they should probably root for Louisville to win this game despite the fact that they lost to the Cards in shameful fashion. SMU, another team they lost to in shameful fashion, is above them in the standings, and it will probably take the Mustangs losing both of their final two regular season games for Miami to have a chance at getting into the championship game. That's a lot to ask, since SMU is a pretty good team, and like every other school in Texas they have the bankroll to guarantee future success. This year might have been a letdown after being in the playoff last year, but there’s plenty to feel good about with SMU and their future prospects. – Israel
Washington State at James Madison – Saturday 1:00 p.m. ET on ESPN+
Another eminently winnable game for the Dukes, who have been a big-time school (well, a Sun Belt school) for four years now, and not only are 37-10 in those four seasons but also indirectly built the powerhouse that is Indiana. There should be a place in the playoffs for such a team, and aligned so it can play the Hoosiers in the quarterfinals. Alonza Barnett III has thrown for 16 touchdowns and rushed for 12 more, making him a modified Josh Allen, albeit five inches shorter and 20 pounds lighter. Washington State clinched second place in the Pac 2, and must surely be smarting from that 10-7 loss to Oregon State, while knowing that they play the Beavers again next week in that rarest of college football events, the home-and-home series for bragging rights in a mini-conference that won’t even exist next year. Yeah, sign us up. – Ray
Sam Houston at Middle Tennessee – Saturday, 3:00 p.m. ET on ESPN+
Sammy is on a roll after beating Delaware for its second win in succession after eight consecutive losses, and you can’t quit on the Kats now. Yeah. Kats with a K. – Ray
Duke at North Carolina – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ACC Network
Rivalry week gets an early start with Duke and North Carolina, two middling teams facing off in a sport their fans barely care about. But until the basketball game comes around, we are left with Bill Belichick’s already embarrassing tenure against a Duke team with a quarterback, Darian Mensah, who has doubled the stats of his Tarheel counterpart, Gio Lopez. If you’re a North Carolina fan, are you crossing your fingers that an NFL team will be dumb enough to take Belichick off your hands, or is your only hope that Jordon Hudson decides she wants to live in Dubai next year? The Tarheels need some magic from a different devil at the moment to save their football team. – Israel
USC at Oregon – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on CBS
The last truly compelling playoff-deciding Big Ten matchup of the year (and no, Michigan-Ohio State is now just a standard-issue border war since Jim Harbaugh left to watch the Chargers eat his brain). A USC win guarantees nothing, but an Oregon loss puts them in playoff jeopardy. If Tony Petitti wants to fix a result, though, he’d go with the L.A. market at twitch speed. Side issue: Dan Lanning seems nuts, while Lincoln Riley is nuts-adjacent, but Lanning is mostly normal with wild eyes, while Riley is mostly nutty with normal eyes. – Ray
Tulane at Temple – Saturday, 3:45 p.m. ET on ESPN+
All of a sudden we have to lock in on Tulane as the potential G5 team, but this is such a disappointing place upon which to alight. Temple quarterback Evan Simon has thrown 22 touchdowns against one pick, which is admirably efficient but isn't what you would be watching for. Sadly, when the Kiffin thing goes flaming-toes up down the road, you might think that Jon Sumrall could end up a candidate at the burning chair that is the Ole Miss job. That’s no reason for a 220-minute investment, of course, but Tulane would be the funkiest playoff team in a field full of them, and funk can be worth the occasional investment. – Ray
TCU at Houston – Saturday, 4:00 p.m. ET on FOX
TCU, my favorite 6-4 team in football, goes up against an always tough Houston team. I don’t have high hopes for TCU to win, I rarely ever do, but I do expect them to make it a giant compelling mess of a football game. And isn’t that all you can really ask for? – Israel
Nebraska at Penn State – Saturday, 7:00 p.m. ET on NBC
Matt Rhule is absolutely committed to staying at Nebraska. Absolutely. So the fact that his team is facing off against Penn State holds no significance. Nebraska will come out and win and just move on, unless of course Penn State can muster enough pride to take out Nebraska, which would be bad for Rhule’s team as it denigrates his value as the potential Penn State coach, which he absolutely doesn’t care about since he’s staying in Nebraska. Although Nebraska could also come out and completely dominate Penn State, showing them why Rhule is the right man for the job that he definitely doesn’t want and maybe also upping the price to get him. But all this stuff doesn’t matter because everyone is happy where they are. Stop acting like they aren’t already! – Israel
Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech – Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
Haynes King might not win the Heisman but he has won our hearts as he bulldozes through the entire ACC. Pittsburgh is Tech's last formidable foe before whoever they end up facing in the conference championship game (it could be Pitt again) and so the Tech faithful need his superpowers for one more mission. He’s pretty much the entire offense, accounting for over 3,000 yards and 24 touchdowns just on his own. If they could make him play on defense they probably would. It’s the most impressive individual season in a while, which makes the lack of Heisman attention even more embarrassing. But Haynes is a King and he doesn’t need your prom-queen award. He’s gonna keep juggernauting the competition and riding off into the sunset like the Paul Bunyun character he is. – Israel
North Texas at Rice – Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ESPN2
An aspirational game for North Texas, who only five years ago got into a bowl game (the Myrtle Beach Bowl) with a 4-5 record. Win here, and the Mean Green maintain their place at/near the top of the G5 pig pile. Lose, and they essentially put Rice into the bowl game eligible list, and with all due respect to Rice, nobody outside campus is asking for that. Worst-case scenario for the ‘Green: Rice wins. Second worst-case scenario: Head coach Eric Morris gets recruited to take the UCLA job. – Ray
BYU at Cincinnati – Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ET on FOX
Cincinnati has not had the best go of it lately. They are currently on a two-game losing streak and now have to face a BYU team that has mostly dominated the Big 12. BYU does not inspire much confidence when talking about their playoff chances, but within their conference, outside of Texas Tech, it’s hard to argue that there’s a better team out there. It certainly makes for a bad matchup for the reeling Bearcats. It'll still be interesting to find out whether Cincinnati can rebound over the offseason or if coach Scott Satterfield will look for an exit ramp, but that’s a question for later. For now, they are likely more roadkill for the actual best teams in their conference. – Israel
Arizona State at Colorado – Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ET on ESPN2
Colorado has lost its chance at playing for a bowl. So at this point, it’s all about pride: Deion Sanders’s pride and whether that translates to the rest of his program. Colorado is certain to have one of the more interesting offseasons. Sanders will have to decide if he’s healthy and motivated enough to continue down this road and whether his players want to stick it out with him or if they'd rather head off to programs with better NFL exposure and better NIL paychecks. Arizona State is a solid team that should give Colorado all they can handle. The outcome of this game could be a referendum on whether the Buffs are committed to continuing to fight through a tough schedule or if they've already packed it in for the year. – Israel
Utah State at Fresno State – Saturday, 10:30 p.m. ET on CBS Sports
You’re at a bar, you’re half in the bag, your pals have bailed because their Friday hangovers are still gnawing at their brain stems, you look up the TV over the bartender’s head, and lo and behold it’s a 7-3 team playing a 5-5 team in the middle of California’s central valley. You don’t want to go home before last call, and here’s your excuse. Oh, if you watched any parts of Cal-Stanford, you actually didn’t go to the bar with friends, you went to watch TV. You desperately miserable wretch. – Ray
