A tipster named Will emailed the Defector tips line Thursday afternoon with the most enticing possible subject line: "who farted?" Within the email, the tipster included a timestamp and a link to Wednesday's joint episode of The Hoop Collective and The Lowe Post with ESPN reporters Brian Windhorst and Zach Lowe, along with guest Larry Nance Jr. What follows is not so much our attempt to answer the question of who farted, but rather, what the noise in question really is.
At first I thought, "That's a fart." It was a robust toot, with short but notable pauses of silence on either side. However, when I shared a homemade recording of the sound with the Defector staff, dissenters emerged:
Patrick: okay i listened to the fart in tipsDavid Roth: lolJust workplace thingsPatrick: brian windhorst just finishes making a point and then someone lets rip an unmistakable tootthen he just keeps going and nobody says anything lolSamer: can you clip it for usPatrick: yeah one secSamer: i wanna hearDavid Roth: Samer's about to give some tasting notes and terroir on this thing[Audio of fart-like noise]Wags: lolBarry Petchesky: i think sneeze maybeLauren: oh yeah i heard that and kinda thought that was a mouth noise?too close to the micSamer: that's really robustwhatever it isWags: Did This Noise Come From Mouth or ButtBarry Petchesky: lolPatrick: are you kidding there’s no way that came from mouthBarry Petchesky: i think it’s like a sneeze that someone tried to stiflebut was too stronkDavid Roth: Saying "enhance" to my computer in hopes it will make it clearer somehow.Patrick: that’s the clearest fart ever!Barry Petchesky: From What Hole Did This Noise ComeWags: lolit coulda been on purposefor emphasisLauren: lolBarry Petchesky: patty there’s like a clear as day sneeze sound right after the tootcould’ve been a fart-sneeze
However, there had been an error. The "clear-as-day sneeze sound" following the fart-like noise was me trying to stifle a laugh as I recorded, so the audio was deemed inadmissible in Defector staff court. A second recording allowed for an unsullied decision: The sound appears to brap forth directly into the microphone, which is traditionally placed by the mouth hole, not the butthole.
[Audio of fart-like noise, unencumbered by giggling]Patrick: no redford interference on this oneim kind coming around to team no fartbilly: the sound is directly in the micPatrick: yeah…..billy: i think it was a "sheesh"-like noise in awe of the statWags: yeah i think it was for emphasisBarry Petchesky: YeahWags: mouth holeBarry Petchesky: lil raspberryPatrick: damnSamer: yeah i'm coming around to this assessment: it's not an ass-essment
We have conducted our own investigation and come to our own conclusion. You are encouraged to do the same.