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<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

SCHOOLCRAFT, MI - AUGUST 30: Students return for the first day of the school year at Schoolcraft Elementary on August 30, 2021 in Schoolcraft, Michigan. The Schoolcraft Community School district, like many school districts throughout the country are adapting to mask mandates for teachers and students due to the current surge of Covid-19 cases. (Photo by Matthew Hatcher/Getty Images)

Funbag

I Wanted The Pandemic To Be Over So Badly I Stopped Paying Attention To Reality

INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA - JUNE 10: Matthew Stafford #9 of the Los Angeles Rams looks on during open practice at SoFi Stadium on June 10, 2021 in Inglewood, California. (Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Los Angeles Rams

PHILADELPHIA, PA - AUGUST 12: Ben Roethlisberger #7 of the Pittsburgh Steelers looks on against the Philadelphia Eagles during the preseason game at Lincoln Financial Field on August 12, 2021 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Pittsburgh Steelers

Schoolchilden queueing in pairs to get on the school bus, circa 1960. (Photo by L. Willinger/FPG/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Dadfector

FUCK YEAH! IT’S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - AUGUST 21: Head coach Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks reacts in the first quarter during an NFL preseason game against the Denver Broncos at Lumen Field on August 21, 2021 in Seattle, Washington. The Denver Broncos beat the Seattle Seahawks 30-3. (Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Seattle Seahawks

TAMPA, FLORIDA - AUGUST 21: Head coach Mike Vrabel of the Tennessee Titans looks on during a preseason game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Raymond James Stadium on August 21, 2021 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Tennessee Titans

WESTFIELD, INDIANA - JULY 30: at Grand Park on July 30, 2021 in Westfield, Indiana. (Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Indianapolis Colts

The Arica-La Paz train, connecting Chile and Bolivia, runs in Arica, some 2000 km north of Santiago, on May 13, 2013. AFP PHOTO / CLAUDIO SANTANA (Photo credit should read CLAUDIO SANTANA/AFP via Getty Images)

It’s Decided. I’m Moving To Arica, Chile.

LAKE FOREST, ILLINOIS - JULY 28: Marquise Goodwin #84 of the Chicago Bears stretches during the Chicago Bears training camp at Halas Hall on July 28, 2021 in Lake Forest, Illinois. (Photo by Nuccio DiNuzzo/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Chicago Bears

RICHMOND, VIRGINIA - JULY 29: Taylor Heinicke #4 and Ryan Fitzpatrick #14 of the Washington Football Team stretch together during training camp at the Bon Secours Washington Football Team training center park on July 29, 2021 in Richmond, Virginia. (Photo by Kevin Dietsch/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Washington Football Team

ORCHARD PARK, NEW YORK - JANUARY 03: Tua Tagovailoa #1 of the Miami Dolphins warms up before the game against the Buffalo Bills at Bills Stadium on January 03, 2021 in Orchard Park, New York. (Photo by Timothy T Ludwig/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Miami Dolphins

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - AUGUST 14: Head coach Jon Gruden of the Las Vegas Raiders reacts to the crowd during warmups before a preseason game against the Seattle Seahawks at Allegiant Stadium on August 14, 2021 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Raiders defeated the Seahawks 20-7. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Las Vegas Raiders

GLENDALE, ARIZONA - JULY 28: DeAndre Hopkins #10 and A.J. Green #18 of the Arizona Cardinals look on during passing drills at Training Camp at State Farm Stadium on July 28, 2021 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Arizona Cardinals

If You Could Remember Every Single Thing, Would You?

FOXBOROUGH, MA - AUGUST 12: Mac Jones #10 of the New England Patriots smiles during warm ups prior to the start of the game against the Washington Football Team at Gillette Stadium on August 12, 2021 in Foxborough, Massachusetts. (Photo by Kathryn Riley/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: New England Patriots

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA - AUGUST 07: Kirk Cousins #8 of the Minnesota Vikings stretches before taking the field at U.S. Bank Stadium on August 07, 2021 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Kirk Cousins

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Minnesota Vikings

COSTA MESA, CALIFORNIA - JULY 29: Chris Harris #25 of the Los Angeles Chargers warms up during Los Angeles Chargers Training Camp at Jack Hammett Sports Complex on July 29, 2021 in Costa Mesa, California. (Photo by Michael Owens/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Los Angeles Chargers

SANTA CLARA, CALIFORNIA - OCTOBER 18: Sourdough Sam of the San Francisco 49ers walks through the stands during the second quarter against the Los Angeles Rams at Levi's Stadium on October 18, 2020 in Santa Clara, California. (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: San Francisco 49ers

EAST RUTHERFORD, NEW JERSEY - JANUARY 03: Daniel Jones #8 of the New York Giants reacts after being tackled against the Dallas Cowboys during the first quarter at MetLife Stadium on January 03, 2021 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: New York Giants

OXNARD, CA - JULY 24: Owner Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys welcomes fans to training camp at River Ridge Complex on July 24, 2021 in Oxnard, California. (Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Dallas Cowboys

ENGLEWOOD, COLORADO - JULY 30: Andre Mintze #91 practices during the Denver Broncos Training Camp at UCHealth Training Center on July 30, 2021 in Englewood, Colorado. (Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Denver Broncos

SPARTANBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA - JULY 30: Sam Darnold #14 of the Carolina Panthers walks the field prior to Panthers Training Camp at Wofford College on July 30, 2021 in Spartanburg, South Carolina. (Photo by Jared C. Tilton/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Carolina Panthers

ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN - JULY 28: Detroit Lions head football coach Dan Campbell speaks with the media before the Detroit Lions Training Camp on July 28, 2021 in Allen Park, Michigan. (Photo by Nic Antaya/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Detroit Lions

PHILADELPHIA, PA - JULY 29: Head coach Nick Sirianni of the Philadelphia Eagles fist bumps Genard Avery #58 during training camp at the NovaCare Complex on July 29, 2021 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

Why Your Team Sucks 2021: Philadelphia Eagles

CINCINNATI, OHIO - JULY 28: Joe Burrow #9 of the Cincinnati Bengals calls out instructions during training camp on July 28, 2021 in Cincinnati, Ohio. (Photo by Dylan Buell/Getty Images)