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NFL

The QB Carousel Spins At Unsafe Speeds

ATLANTA, GEORGIA - DECEMBER 26: Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons looks on during warm-up before the game against the Detroit Lions at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on December 26, 2021 in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images)
Todd Kirkland/Getty Images

The new day is 10 hours old and there are no new developments in NFL Quarterback Whack-a-Mole. Thus, there is nothing left of value to say about NFL quarterbacks unless you count the day that the NFL suspends Deshaun Watson for the crime of getting $230 million of fully guaranteed and backloaded money from hellbound nutcases Jimmy and Dee Haslam. (What, you still think the NFL cares about women as anything other than tailgate organizers and operating the Boys Season Ticket Holder Auxiliary?) So in lieu of whatever the next impulse buy is (Baker Mayfield, probably with the Edmonton Elks), here is your construction site/seniority list of starting quarterbacks with the number of successive days that he has been the preferred choice of his current team for the job if healthy. It starts to get fun at about 10.

1. Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers, 5,131 days.
2. Las Vegas: Derek Carr, 2,760 days.
3. Dallas: Dak Prescott, 2,153 days.
4. San Francisco: Jimmy Garoppolo, 1,570 days.
5. Kansas City: Patrick Mahomes, 1,543 days.
6. Minnesota: Kirk Cousins, 1,468 days.
7. Buffalo: Josh Allen, 1,283 days.
8. Baltimore: Lamar Jackson, 1,222 days.
9. Arizona: Kyler Murray, 1,062 days.
10. New York Giants: Daniel Jones, 912 days.
11. Tennessee: Ryan Tannehill, 823 days.
12. Cincinnati: Joe Burrow, 698 days.
13. Los Angeles Chargers: Justin Herbert, 548 days.
14. Philadelphia: Jalen Hurts, 464 days.
15. Detroit: Jared Goff, 369 days.
16. Los Angeles Rams: Matthew Stafford, 369 days.
17. Jacksonville: Trevor Lawrence, 327 days.
18. New England: Mac Jones, 327 days.
19. New York Jets: Zach Wilson, 327 days.
20. New Orleans: Jameis Winston, 207 days.
21. Carolina: Sam Darnold, 191 days.
22. Chicago: Justin Fields, 177 days.
23. Miami: Tua Tagovailoa, 156 days.
24. Houston: Davis Mills, 107 days.
25. Tampa Bay: Tom Brady, 9 days.
26T. Denver: Russell Wilson, 6 days.
26T. Seattle: Drew Lock, 6 days.
26T. Washington: Carson Wentz, 6 days.
29T. Pittsburgh: Mitchell Trubisky, 5 days.
29T. Cleveland: Deshaun Watson, 5 days.
31T. Atlanta: Marcus Mariota, 1 day.
31T. Indianapolis: Matt Ryan, 1 day.

Also Receiving Votes, But No Games San Francisco: Trey Lance, 0 days and waiting on a trade; Cleveland: Jacoby Brissett, 0 days and waiting on a suspension.

And here are the current backups, just because you need a laugh before the Mayfield deal.

Arizona: Colt McCoy
Atlanta: Feleipe Franks
Baltimore: Tyler Huntley
Buffalo: Case Keenum
Carolina: P.J. Walker
Chicago: Nick Foles
Cincinnati: Brandon Allen
Cleveland: Jacoby Brissett
Dallas: Cooper Rush
Denver: Josh Johnson. Yeah. THAT Josh Johnson.
Detroit: Tim Boyle
Green Bay: Jordan Love
Houston: Kyle Allen
Indianapolis: Sam Ehlinger
Jacksonville: C.J. Beathard
Kansas City: Chad Henne
Las Vegas: Garrett Gilbert
Los Angeles Chargers: Chase Daniel
Los Angeles Rams: John Wolford
Miami: Teddy Bridgewater
Minnesota: Kellen Mond
New England: Jarrett Stidham
New Orleans: Taysom Hill
New York Giants: Tyrod Taylor
New York Jets: Joe Flacco
Philadelphia: Gardner Minshew
Pittsburgh: Mason Rudolph
San Francisco: Nate Sudfeld
Seattle: Jacob Eason
Tampa Bay: Kyle Trask
Tennessee: Logan Woodside
Washington: Taylor Heinicke

The takeaway: Football and everyone involved in it from owner to fan are utterly and completely doomed. Everyone except Josh Johnson, who will live forever.