There was a moment, near the end of my week-plus in Maine, when I could actually feel myself Becoming Normal again. The combination of relatively healthy activities, reduced screen-time, and a spike in omega-3 fatty acids due to increased seafood intake chipped some of the barnacles off my brain; detaching from the news cycle to some extent did the rest. I mention this not just to tell you how my vacation went, but because it was in listening to this episode that I realized how fleeting that moment truly was. We're back.
Joining us this week was another icon of televised comedy, pantheon Distraction guest and recently crowned Warner Bros. Pickleball League Champion Justin Halpern. As sad as I was to miss last week's startlingly horned-up Michael Schur/Rohan Nadkarni episode, this one delivered everything a Justin Halpern episode should: a straightforward and not terribly lighthearted assessment of some bad stuff happening near him, followed immediately by a deep dive into the state of baseball, with a little bit of show-business stuff dusted over top to keep the seasoning balanced.
Yes, it's jarring when the episode hits the hard pivot from the people-snatching tactical hogs terrorizing Los Angeles and musing about where would be the best place to exile Tom Homan, to a conversation about the baseball's current moment of promise and peril. But as established over his many previous appearances, Justin is a good enough talker that all of it went down pretty well. It helps, too, that his concerns about the wide streak of lazy, sour nihilism in baseball's ownership cohort putting the game's otherwise delightful present at risk are ones that I share. We discussed the creep of Bob Nutting Mindset into baseball's highest levels, and addressed the age-old question of how owners can be compelled to try to win baseball games when they're more urgently interested in sticking it to their workforce in every way possible.
It wasn't just griping about the bosses, though. That discussion led to one about how much easier it is for teams to compete on the cheap than it used to be, and how much goodwill even a minimal bit of effort by ownership can win. There is a bit in here where I started out talking about the Kansas City Royals, who tried a little bit and benefitted a lot from it, and ended up talking about my personal hero, David Zaslav.
After the break, Drew shared his troubling experience of getting roasted by his children in ways that reflect their familiarity with his Drew-isms, but after brief commiseration over the trauma of teens saying "boosh" right back to you, we were on baseball again. We talked about Justin's Padres, and my Mets, and the inexplicable persistence of Martin Maldonado's big-league career. No one I know has ever enjoyed watching Juan Soto less than Justin Halpern, and he spoke heatedly about The Padres Soto Experience after I shared my own awed confusion at watching Soto during his first months as a Met.
Justin had to leave early in the Funbag, so while he was there for a discussion about the pleasure of reading books on the toilet, he was gone by the time Drew and I paid lip service to Bills Week by addressing various notable Bills; Leodis McKelvin, Bil Keane, and lesser Bill Murray credits are all mentioned here. That, give or take a few minutes of aimless coffee discourse, is where we ended up—not nearly as untroubled as I was at this time last week, but inarguably all the way back.
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