Daily life can be so boring in its predictability, the ways we are forced to feed and clothe these bodies we are responsible for. So on its face, playing a game like The Sims should be miserable. You're just playing god as you watch little people try to fit all their bodily functions into one day and still feel spiritually fulfilled. There's something satisfying in achieving full green bars for your little digital people, even as your human body aches from poor posture and not enough exercise because it's still too cold outside.
It's funny how talking about your Sims' lives can feel a bit like when a child is in therapy acting out their complicated emotions with a doll. The Sims themselves have their own sort of agency and desires separate from the player, but you can override them in your power as all-powerful god/player. This week Sabs realized they were diverting one Sim away from their true calling to be a comedian. It was surprising how much their realization sounded like a Julia Cameron anecdote out of The Artist's Way.
How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you?
Alex Sujong Laughlin: This was my roughest week so far—I only did it four out of the seven days! I've been dealing with some health stuff that is making the literal act of writing difficult, which is very frustrating. When I did do morning pages, I only did two pages instead of three.
Ray: I did six but I'd burn two if I wasn't worried about setting the couch on fire. The pages have become pretty boilerplate/rote for me, which leads me to one of several conclusions I have made thanks to this exercise, which is that my inner whatever it is supposed to be isn't coming out this way. It is a duty I have taken on that I shall complete because I am a completist by nature, and therefore this is failing to unleash something I simply might not have. Art is not a compulsion, it is a treat, or is supposed to be. So, shame unto me, and I am untroubled.
Sabrina Imbler: I managed six days, some of which were two-page days. Maybe it's because I'm about to enter two miserably busy weeks, but I've found I've been using them mostly to sketch out my day and how to accomplish it without going mad. So they have not felt particularly creatively nourishing, but I'm definitely feeling more organized. Ray, thank you for your troubles and keeping whatever nightmare might befall us under a tight leash.
Alex: Sketching out your days seems like a totally legal and good use of morning pages. Maybe I will do something similar on future bad days.
Chris Thompson: I did five days, but like Ray the pages have lately become so formulaic that it almost feels like cheating. For the first time since our first week with this exercise I resorted to completing a page by just repeating the alphabet, "A B C D E F G," for a few lines, until I felt like there were enough letters to consider myself finished. I had a very busy week and a couple of times was up and working before dawn, and then remembered after getting my child off to daycare that I had morning pages to complete. I think part of my issue is this has not ever become a habit, just something that I force into the little pockets of breathing room I get in a morning. When those pockets fail to open, I wind up doing day-long pages, or not doing them at all.
Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?
Alex: My city has a huge vintage fair twice a year, so I went to that by myself. I was kind of grumpy when I got there because people were not being very considerate of the many bodies in the space, but I put on a podcast and tried to just let my delight lead me around. I didn't buy any clothes, but I touched a lot of them, and I even saw a 1970s-era Coach purse that was beautiful. By the time I left, I was in a better mood, but ready to be alone again.
Ray: My artist date was twofold, and I needed the one (trip to a winery and a preferred food truck that does lobster stuff) to do the other (look at the San Francisco skyline from across the bay and just look at it as a rare thing on its own merits). The Bay Bridge is visible from where I sit, and I see tiny dots of cars parading into and out of town, and all I can think is that I am delighted that I am not among them. If the city is required of me, I much prefer a ferry trip, which is its own artist day. Result: Water is good as a beverage but much better as a vision and means of conveyance.
Sabrina: I feel bad, but I didn't really plan an artist date this week. I decided to spend the one half-day that I had totally free and alone to play The Sims again, so maybe that counts. All of my Sims are experiencing burnout at their jobs (painter, secret agent, and astronaut) and it's been bumming me out. My Sims feel less burned out if they complain to each other about their burnout, so after work every day they'll stand in a circle and I make them take turns ranting about their job. And then I make them swim laps together in the pool so they feel happier. (How bad could they feel? They have a pool!) It's possible to fix their burnout by having them take a vacation day, but frankly the experience of playing the Sims can be a little stressful, and when my Sims go to work, I don't have to think about them for like eight Sim-hours, so I really don't want any of them to go on vacation. I have to prioritize my burnout over my Sims' burnout, unfortunately. But I have been paying attention to my Sim who is on track to be an astronaut, and I think I realized that I was the one leading her down this path, when all she seems to want to do is tell jokes and play pranks. So she's now switched careers to becoming a standup comedian, and I think everyone's happier even though she's making minimum wage and has a god-awful uniform.
Alex: God, should I start playing The Sims again? It sounds so fun but I remember it destroyed my computer in the early 2000s.
Sabrina: I'm playing The Sims 4, which is fun but also still definitely makes my laptop hot. But also they just re-released the Sims 1 and Sims 2 which could be a fun nostalgia trip!
Chris: Oh man, The Sims!
I did not get an artist date this week. Not even close. During my child's nap on Sunday, when my wife was at her office and I had the house to myself, I made chicken cacciatore. It was tasty and I enjoy cooking but if I hadn't been in charge of feeding the family I would've done anything else.
Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it?
Alex: I experienced the wildest synchronicity at the vintage fair. I walked up to a jewelry stand and noticed this silver heart that had letters carved into it—when I got closer I realized it was my initials! The chances of happening upon a vintage piece with your initials have got to be so tiny. Turns out it was a silver perfume bottle with a little amethyst on top. I have no need for a perfume bottle and I'm not even sure I can decant the fragrances I have, but I bought it because how could I not?
Ray: Now that's cool. I mean, not my deal but I like that it struck you. Also, more things should have your initials. As for synchronicity, I don't know that I got there, even though I almost aggressively tried. Almost, as in I forgot Rule 3 of Not Getting Tension Headaches—don't dig for something you're supposed to absorb in plain sight. I wanted to be synchronous at something that didn't feel connected to anything else, failed, and turned it into a blog instead. So maybe that's the synchronicity—failing at inspiration and mulching it into 700 words that get Comrade Roth off my back.
Alex: Wait, what are rules one and two of Not Getting Tension Headaches? Asking for me because I've basically had a tension headache since early November (wonder why).
Ray: 1. Walk away from anything that makes you grind your teeth (i.e., anything attached to the Turnip-In-Chief). 2. Never argue to win, because there is no prize money attached with victory.
Alex: Wow. Writing this down in my notebook right now.
Ray: And once you write it down, tear out the page and eat it, because Rule 4 is "Advice in its normal state of being is mostly either bad or not relevant to the problem you think you have."
Sabrina: Lauren and her friend hosted a reading of Romeo and Juliet this weekend that was really sweet, and also a great reminder that Shakespeare was a very funny guy. I loved revisiting a play that felt like the epitome of tragic love when I first read it in middle school and now seems like a sociological study of the kinds of decisions teenagers make when they're really horny. I was cast as Mercutio, who I had forgotten was maybe my favorite character in the show, and I delighted in reading his Queen Mab speech that prominently featured so many little guys: spiders, grasshoppers, gnats, crickets, grubs, and a round little worm. I also love those critters! I remember thinking the Queen Mab speech was super random when I first read it in school, and now I think I get it more, as someone who always tries to find a way to weave in whatever bug I've just learned about into casual conversation.
Ray: You had a far more well-rounded childhood experience, and I am not surprised it revealed itself to you in various forms of fauna.
Chris: This is maybe not a synchronicity, but since I am being a huge downer in this blog I will use this space to share something neat: My child suddenly leapt out of a shy phase one morning when we were having breakfast with my sister at a nearby cafe. On a whim, and with no expectation of success, I offered my daughter the role of asking the worker behind the counter for a to-go box. She sort of reflexively sank down into her shoulders, in the Shy Stance, but then the worker—a very friendly and smiling young woman of about the age that my daughter tends to like very much—caught onto the dynamic and smiled down at her, and my daughter smiled back, and then walked over and handled the interaction all by herself. Since the victory of that day she has been much less anxious about communicating with adults, including one evening later in the week where she became so comfortable with our usual server at a local noodle place that she walked all the way into the restaurant's kitchen in order to peek-a-boo this person.
Maybe this was a synchronicity? I just happened to put her on the spot at breakfast in a moment when she was feeling a little bit bolder than normal, and when there was an adult nearby with the right combination of traits and bandwidth for participating in the experiment. And it worked!
Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.
Alex: I went to a works-in-progress reading at my local bookstore where playwrights shared their pieces, and I was kind of blown away by the realization that … you can just make anything. These people had weird ideas about moments or scenarios in their heads, and they wrote them down and then had actors read them, and then it was real. It felt like a really visceral way to experience the act of creativity. In the days after, I was connected to this feeling I had when I was a little kid, like there is so much creative potential in the world, in my crayons, in the blank pages of my book, and the trick is allowing myself to let go and free them. Is that cheesy? Who cares!
Ray: The bookstore is the place I get most of my sanity checks, so I spent 45 minutes looking for a book I knew wasn't available for purchase after five minutes of looking. The other 40 were just me wandering aisles pretending there was a book on every shelf that I could see myself reading, many of which I actually would not pick up with flaming barbecue tongs. Almost everyone who works in the store asked me at one point or other if I was finding what I was looking for, and when I said no because I'm not actually looking for anything, they largely looked at me like I was scouting out locations for a midafternoon nap. Those looks were actually quite recuperative, as I remembered one of my other rules—if I don't ask for help, assume I don't need it. And then I bought a book I will probably never read just out of misplaced guilt. In all, a good time was had by one, and it only cost $21.95.
Chris: Ray I too like to puzzle bookstore workers by wandering around with a vaguely grumpy look on my face. As a former bookstore worker, I liked a little random mystery in my workdays.
Sabrina: That's not cheesy, Alex! That realization feels earnest and relatable. Maybe it's time to reincorporate crayons into daily life, like in morning pages?
Alex: Oh my gosh, yes. I bought a cool eight-in-one crayon when I was at Mass MOCA last fall and I had one really good day with it when I took … medicine … but I should break it out again.
Sabrina: Wow eight-in-one crayon! Just as the medicine doctor prescribed.
Ray: I don't trust them because the ink/miscellaneous fluid/waxen sticks don't get exhausted evenly and before you know it, you're stuck with a pen/crayon with five shitty colors. I think they should all come equipped with tiny dipsticks so you can tell when a barrel is running low. But that's my issue. You should get all the eight-barrels your cash flow will support.
