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Oh No, Connor McDavid’s Home Is Unspeakably Chilling

Connor McDavid #97 of the Edmonton Oilers waits for a faceoff during a 4-2 Oilers win over the Los Angeles Kings at Staples Center on February 23, 2020 in Los Angeles, California.
Photo: Harry How/Getty Images

Connor McDavid's 8,000-square foot house was designed to entertain guests, as his girlfriend, interior designer Lauren Kyle, told the Edmonton lifestyle magazine Edify in July. By "guests," she means, of course, various foot soldiers and associates of the Galactic Empire, who will feel at home indeed in this cavernous, grayscale, and kind of tragic abode.

Wealthy, 23 years old, and lacking a personality is a combination of traits in a homeowner that can only yield Bad Things, and oh, how it has. We must hurry and look at it quickly before its transfixing awfulness drains us of our capacity for human connection. The McDavid manse is home to, among many silly amenities, a wine bar, a frightening closet, a melancholy basketball court, half the world's marble reserves, and "unfettered views" of the famed North Saskatchewan River valley.

Star of the kitchen—don't stare too long—is this enormous hunk of "Calacutta Porcelain" that seats nine "people." If you, say, lived here and from time to time required a sharp and firm surface to bash someone's head into while murdering them in a grisly yet cinematic way, this would also probably do.

Downstairs, the basement lounge features portraits of Andy Warhol, Jimi Hendrix and Jack Nicholson—the "Big Three," if you will. Asked about the lack of references to hockey in the home, Kyle told Edify, "Connor doesn’t like showing off hockey memorabilia." A good call given that hockey memorabilia might be too redolent of "what the people living here do or enjoy or are like" to cohere with the rest of the place. (Phil Kessel's basement is better.)

After a long day of hockey, McDavid retreats to this bedroom with posthuman vibes. In terms of committing murder, the threatening light fixture or bookends on the night stand should do nicely.

This is not a cheerful place for young people to live, but it is a revealing window into the soul of a man resigned to be an Edmonton Oiler for a long time. At least it appears to be what the couple wanted. Prompted to describe the decor in three words, Kyle said, "Tactile. Intimate. Hub." That's for sure three words. (My picks would be Kubrickian. Aaaahhhhhh!!! Marble.)

You can see more photos of the house here, but be warned, you haven't much time left and you're looking a little pale already.


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