The relationship between uncle and nephew is riven with questions of the human psyche. What does the nephew see when he looks at the uncle? The brother he never had, or another father to struggle against? What lessons must the uncle pass down to the nephew, and must he destroy himself in the process? From the moment a nephew is ripped into this world, he is placed into conflict with the uncle. Their ultimate confrontation must be soaked in blood, or, at the very least, egg yolks.
The ancient and cosmic battle between uncle and nephew once again manifested itself in Madrid on Thursday. That is where disgraced former Spanish Football Federation president Luis Rubiales, whose career blew up after he acted like a gross pig and kissed Spanish national team player Jenni Hermoso at the 2023 World Cup, was attacked by his uncle, who is also named Luis Rubiales. While Nephew Rubiales was attempting to give a talk about his new book, Uncle Rubiales made his way through the crowd and fired three eggs at his brother's son.
Nephew Rubiales made a halfhearted attempt to retaliate against Uncle Rubiales, but both were kept separated by the crowd. Uncle Rubiales was detained by police, and Nephew Rubiales told reporters after the event that his uncle has "always been a trouble maker." He then tried to explain his awkward flailing from the stage into the crowd in a Wahlberg-ian fashion:
We were lucky that they stopped me. I didn’t know what this man had in his hand, I didn’t know if he had a weapon. I saw a pregnant woman, who is my friend Paco’s wife, with two small children, right where he was standing with something in his hand, and I thought about the children. If I had grabbed him, we would be in a different situation.
Sure thing, pal.
All that remains now is the question of why Uncle Rubiales decided to launch an ovoid attack against his nephew. Is there some personal beef between the two, or does this uncle simply find his nephew as annoying and exhausting as everyone else does, and decided to do something about it? Perhaps answers can be found in Nephew Rubiales's stupid book.
