Halley's Comment: I have to admit that I had a hard time finding the motivation to do this year’s comment roundup (and likely wouldn’t have without Drewbert’s encouragement). This may have something to do with why a post about comments we liked from 2024 is being published in February 2025.
Things generally feel real bad right now, and that has a way of permeating just about everything. It can make posting a comment on the internet seem even more pointless than normal (which should be impossible), and it can make compiling a list of comments from one website (even our favorite website) seem like a gigantic waste of time. But you know what, we got into looking through comments, and I found myself forgetting these feelings and laughing instead.
So we hope you’ll also find some laughter remembering some good comments.
Also, special shout out to Tacitus Kilgore for finding a way to compile a year’s worth of comments in a way that saved the five of us about 200 hours of work, and thank you to Tom and the rest of the staff for continuing to indulge us with this.
Drewbert Thompchesky: Hey friends! How’s everyone’s, uhh, new(?) year going? Terrible and the world’s on fire? Cool, me too.
I can’t speak for Halley’s, but it’s my personal ongoing mission to see how late in the year we can get away with doing a “year end” recap before we get Tom Ley (from Defector) on our doorstep with a pink slip taped to a flaming bag. Given the state of the world at the moment, though, getting shit all over my good commentin’ boots would barely register as an inconvenience compared to, you know, everything else. At least I’d get some catharsis from the stomping.
As Halley’s said already (because for some reason I always let him go first, possibly because he is a better friend and collaborator than I am and drags his feet less), this past year has decidedly not been the greatest, and 2025 hasn’t gotten any better. This isn’t even one of those situations where I can say, “well, it could be worse,” because while that’s true, I also know a lot of the amazing people here are the ones getting that worse.
Well shit, that was depressing, hope you hated it as much as I did! Sincerely, though, I’m ever grateful to be a part of the Last Great Comment Section, and despite (or maybe because of) the above, you all were amazingly funny, smart, and damn good looking again this year.
Be good to yourselves, be good to each other, and enjoy the laughs before they’re illegal.
What Horrible Thing Did This Penis Do Last Year
- Sterling Hayden, from David Tepper Throws Drink At Fans, Becomes NFL's Chief Jagoff
Media personality urges everyone to take it easy, dons henley
- Halley's Comment, from Pat McAfee Dons Formal Sleeves As He Tries To Explain Away Aaron Rodgers’s Comments About Jimmy Kimmel
four snaps
*Actually five snaps. Four football and one Achilles.
- glasgow, from Jets Players Inspired By Guy Who Spent Most Of The Season In Malibu Talking To Pat McAfee
It makes total sense that the most inspirational player on the Jets roster is the one that played for the Jets the least.
- Rock, from Jets Players Inspired By Guy Who Spent Most Of The Season In Malibu Talking To Pat McAfee
Rodgers melts, steals, beams; Jets fueled.
- The 1999 New Orleans Saints had two quarterbacks named Billy Joe, from Jets Players Inspired By Guy Who Spent Most Of The Season In Malibu Talking To Pat McAfee
The "we can't hire trans people to cover trans issues for fear of bias" company sure seems to have a lot of Harvard people writing about Harvard issues, don't it?
- Chuck Burly, from Hiding And Seeking With The New York Times
Belichick's choices were "die a villain" or "live long enough to see yourself still being a villain"
- Chris Buecheler, from Tom Brady's Old Coach To Leave Patriots
(and Tickle Me Ratto with a hell of an oop to an alley no one even saw):
… commonly known as Kissinger’s Razor
- Tickle Me Ratto, from Tom Brady's Old Coach To Leave Patriots
What makes this book so great is it could have been written by a new business owner, or a 9/11 terrorist.
- Tickle Me Ratto, from Whodunit! Unmasking The Author Of Eric Adams’s Self-Published Book
I'm sorry but I cannot fulfill this request it goes against OpenDefectorComment use policy. My purpose is to make a haters-waiters reference based on the content of the article.
- Good Game, Allin, from The Future Of E-Commerce Is A Product Whose Name Is A Boilerplate AI-Generated Apology
No matter how desperate you are, you can't let your Penix get anywhere near your Cousins.
- nad_krats, from Kirk Cousins Has To Go
That's one small clump for a dog... one giant clump for dogkind.
- Ghost of the Unremembered Guy, from Thank God
Laugh at Mike McCarthy all you want but he finally found a way to not lose to the 49ers in the playoffs.
- Marxus Smart, from It’s Time To Make Fun Of The Bamboozling Disgrace That Is The Dallas Cowboys
The most shocking thing about this is how easily people are led. I'd say sheeple, but that's overdone, but it's true. They're worked up about Taylor Swift cheering for her boyfriend in the stands and arguing over whether it's a work or a shoot; they're working in some residual outrage about her being Person of the Year; they're accusing her of being conniving, manipulative, dishonest, artificial.
But that's what they want you to think.
Look a little deeper. Super Bowl LVIII, right? If you take the L and cut it in half (because she cuts the country in half) you get I and I, and add up I + I + V + I + I + I and you get 10, and she has ten original studio albums. Kelce wears number 87, right? He had 93 receptions in 2023, and if you subtract his five touchdowns, and one more for Taylor herself, you get 87. The math wouldn't work out if she wasn't in there.
And more obviously, if you take the number of days from her birth on Dec 13 1989 to Super Bowl LVIII on Feb 11 2024, you get 12,478, and if you convert that to binary you get 11000010111110, and if you rearrange that and change some of the numbers, you get 001 000 0000 0 010, and if you convert that to morse code ..- ... .... . .-. you get USHER, and she's actually going to headline the Super Bowl halftime show.
Prove me wrong, folks. Prove me wrong.
- noodlesintheface, from The Chiefs Are The NFL's Traveling Circus
Look, the Bills had to try a field goal in that scenario. I certainly wouldn't have guessed Bass was going to miss wide right, and Norwood any of you.
- The Very Hurt You Sold (aka F♯A♯♾️), from The Chiefs Are The NFL's Traveling Circus
Do like they do in Florida and make him carry this campaign to full term.
- Ghost of the Unremembered Guy, from Nation Rejects Sweaty Pig
Ron exits the airport silently, a thin smile glued to his face. He keeps that expression in the car, making small talk to the driver. He enters his house with the same near smile on his face, patting his kids on the head and hugging his wife.
After they are asleep, his expression finally changes. He allows the rage and shame to overcome him. He stomps to the basement where his secret sugary stash awaits. In the darkness—tears of rage streaming down his face—a spoonless bacchanal begins.
- Pudding Goblin, from Nation Rejects Sweaty Pig
One thing to remember when hiring Blair Walsh as your real estate agent: he's more than happy to show you up to 26 homes, but after 27 yards he's no good
- ElGuapo, from Help! My Daughter Eats Soup Like An Animal!
Cannot get "My daughter eats soup like an animal!" in the style of the chorus of NIN's "Closer" out of my head.
- Miller, from Help! My Daughter Eats Soup Like An Animal!
When it comes to Republicans pushing hoaxes ahead of an election, this one might be the best of all time. You could call it the Swift BOAT.
- Hari-Caray, from Republicans Struggle To Comprehend Nation’s Interest In NFL All-Pro And Taylor Swift
Ah yes, the time has once again come for the people who gave us Presidents Reagan and Trump to complain about celebrities.
- Sarcastro, from Republicans Struggle To Comprehend Nation’s Interest In NFL All-Pro And Taylor Swift
Bert Neff blurts texts, Bet Nerfed, Bert Effed
- Bounty, the Dog Hunter, from We’ve Found Him: America’s Dumbest Bettor
It sounds like a more appropriate casino location for the A’s would have been the Mirage.
- Torsloke, from John Fisher’s Wandering Athletics Are Slipping Free Of Reality
Yes, when you're getting beat in the papers, definitely choose Rock.
- Russet Burbank, from WWE Presses The Panic Button, Summons The Rock
Some differences, yes, but you can see how someone might lichen one to the other.
- DoctorbManhattan, from How To Tell Randy Moss From Randy Moss: A Defector Strategy Guide
Barry Petchesky subpoenaed by Congress to address allegations of antiyosemitism
- DoctorbManhattan, from Critter Or Varmint?
What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Oakland.
- aredubya, from Look Who's Come Crawling Back To Oakland
Listen, if a computer is going to sit on my face, it better be Data.
- Dutch Daulton's Oakley Blades, from The Problem With The Goggles Of The Future Is Today
In the cop's defense, this is known as a seedy party of town.
- Hit Bull Win Steak, from Cop Empties Clip On Suburban Street After Hearing Acorn Strike His Car
All Cops Openfire Rather Needlessly
- Marxus Smart, from Cop Empties Clip On Suburban Street After Hearing Acorn Strike His Car
Hardly a surprise to see two Florida right-wingers taking shots at ACORN.
- Sidebar, from Cop Empties Clip On Suburban Street After Hearing Acorn Strike His Car
Everyone will rush to condemn the shooter, but he could have had a valid reason to open fire, like maybe he heard an acorn hit the top of a car.
- Detlef Schrempf Cocktail, from Gunfire At Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Parade Leaves One Dead, More Than 20 Injured
gotta be honest, that car is waymo flammable than I expected
- ElGuapo, from Torching The Google Car
🍆
….🍆
….….🍆
………….🍆🐀
…………🍈🍈🍈🍈
- Only Emojis*, from The Brief And Wondrous Life Of The AI Giant-Penised Rat, Explained
How do players feel about these new uniforms? Depends.
- Awesome's Razor, from Nike And Fanatics’ Innovative MLB Uniforms Leave Baseball Players With Unintentional Diapers
I'm just impressed you found so many people willing to tell you about the time they ran a marathon; that's usually really hard.
- Drewbert Thompchesky, from At The Olympic Trials Marathon, DFL Means Pain Over Regret
The last time Susan Collins gazed at someone with that level of admiration, Brett Kavanaugh had just told her he would never repeal Roe v. Wade.
- Dr. Hibbert, from Point/Counterpoint: Senator Kyrsten Sinema Retires
Spanfeller also misspelled Deadspin as "Deadpin."
[sic] to sports
- Awesome's Razor, from Second Iteration Of Deadspin Now Also Dead
Surprised that the buyers are from Malta, I would expect them to be Herbes de Provence.
- Throwdini, from Second Iteration Of Deadspin Now Also Dead
a parasite? he barely has a pair of sites
- Suss--, from Jim Spanfeller Is A Third-Rate Parasite
It's a perfect fit, two men whose families are dead to them.
- Steam Engine, from Report: Aaron Rodgers Being Considered For Dream Job As Attention-Getting Loser
Can't possibly go worse than the last time Rodgers ran for something.
- Awesome's Razor, from Report: Aaron Rodgers Being Considered For Dream Job As Attention-Getting Loser
Drag queen executes flawless heel turn; more unsurprising news at 6:00.
- Reptile Folk, from Of Course My Favorite TV Host Is An Asshole
I guess one of those 50 guides is How To Fuck Up Your Website Using This One Weird Trick
- ElGuapo, from Kotaku EIC Resigns Over New Editorial Edict
Imagine your town being so racist that people are like, "we'd better go stay in Spokane instead."
- Looming and Inevitable, from Utah Women’s Basketball Team Reports Being Racially Abused While Staying In Idaho
Kelsey supplying the wurst-case analysis.
- DoctorbManhattan, from Big Hot Dog Must Tell The Truth
Someone's gonna order a "Victim A" jersey from Fanatics and it's gonna show up reading "Vic Tima" in the Goudy Stout font.
- Hank, from The Wildest Stuff Alleged In The Criminal Complaint Against Ippei Mizuhara
j-e-g-s jegs jegs jegs
- gumball, from Aaron Rodgers Has Spoken With Jeg
Pretty impressive to come off looking so exceedingly Divorced without ever having been married.
- philaDLJ, from Aaron Rodgers Has Spoken With Jeg
When I started stealing from my boss is started small, too. 2-3 minutes were my standard diversion. It's up to 10-15 minutes per hour now. Chrome tells me I've refreshed Defector five times this morning, two in the last 10 minutes. I submit comments I know aren't funny, and read articles about sports I don't even care about. I'm not exactly pleased with this behavior. But I haven't gotten myself into trouble yet, and I tell myself I could stop if I wanted to. Sound familiar?
- Utah Jazz Hands, from Gambling Addiction Is A Nasty, Nasty Thing
The deadline was a week away so he thought he had eight days to submit his application
- JiveDonut, from Wokeness Run Amok: WNBA’s Pro-Trans Agenda Prevents Dolt From Understanding Calendar
So, they're upset they weren't allowed to participate in an event they really wanted to participate in? Interesting.
- BuckyHinault, from Wokeness Run Amok: WNBA’s Pro-Trans Agenda Prevents Dolt From Understanding Calendar
Old Man Yells At Clout
- Drewbert Thompchesky, from I Learned It From Watching You, Tom Brady
The guest for an August 2021 episode was Porter Jr.'s great-aunt Nancy. The interview ended with them doing planks together as she asked him, "When did you really accept Christ in your heart?"
[Flips chair backward] let me tell you about someone else that had some difficulty with two planks
- Halley's Comment, from There Are NBA Players With Interesting Podcasts, And Then There’s Michael Porter Jr.
Others ask "What if?"
Michael Porter Jr. asks "Why if?"
- PavelCatsyuk, from There Are NBA Players With Interesting Podcasts, And Then There’s Michael Porter Jr.
another day volunteering at the norton disney archaeology dig. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the thingy. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
- Detlef Schrempf Cocktail, from Unlike All The Archeologists, I Know What This Thingy Is For
Oh wow, Utah has a list of terrible names, who could ever have foreseen
- George Burnered Shaw, from How Long Can It Possibly Take To Name A Team?
Hemp fortune revealed to be mostly stems and seed money
- DoctorbManhattan, from Why Don’t People Trust The Man That Gave FAMU $237 Million?
Wide Right
- Call Me Ishmael, from Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker’s Inspirational Message To Graduating Catholics: Be Worse
I, an educated woman who converted to Catholicism for my husband, bore his children, stayed home for years to raise them, and who today fed my family homemade chicken soup & homemade bread after a long day caring for other people’s children in a public school, would like to shit in his goddamn mouth.
- Dr. Imposter Syndrome, from Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker’s Inspirational Message To Graduating Catholics: Be Worse
Ok for this one I think I actually want a little bit of my subscription money back
- tweek0706, from Golfers, Stop Addressing The Ball And Start Addressing Your Spouse’s Concerns
So, the pedestrian made it to Valhalla before Scottie did.
- Ernie Banksy, from Don’t Worry, Scottie Scheffler Will Make His Tee Time. He Just Had To Get Arrested Real Quick
When someone paints an unflattering portrait of me, I’m required to tell them to their face how great it is, then hang it on my fridge.
- Rod Farva, from Australian Billionaire Not Rich Enough To Control Art
I don’t know much about sports.
That hasn't stopped anybody else around here.
- itsacon, from I’m In Charge Now
I have decided that I want to spend more time with my family.
Hate Angel Hernandez all you want, but imagine how horrible it must be to never hug your children because they're two feet to the left of where you think they are.
- Multiphasic, from End Of An Error As Ángel Hernández Calls It Quits
They just couldn't find those 12 votes he needed.
- Portly Porty, from Justice Delivered To Notable Yankees Fan
Yankees Fan Blames Judge For Loss
- Tom Brady, Bereft on the Turf, from Justice Delivered To Notable Yankees Fan
The worst thing I saw on reddit today was somebody claiming that it's unconstitutional in NY to convict a person of more than 33 felony counts at one time, and encouraging people to google "Trump rule 34"
terrorists everywhere, man
- five-tool vagrant, from Justice Delivered To Notable Yankees Fan
LeBron seems more and more like a father who is trying to map out exactly what he wants his team and his son to do. You'd think he'd have learned from Kobe not to be a helicopter parent.
- BoShek Horseman, from Lakers’ Pursuit Of JJ Redick Gets Even Funnier, In That They Are Now Pursuing Dan Hurley
Regarding things you can say that will ruin sex: once, while giving my wife a massage and attempting to initiate sex, I earnestly said “your shoulder blade is just like a gargoyle wing,” in case anyone was wondering how much game I have.
- E=MC Hammered, from Mixing Chip Flavors Is A Dangerous Game
What did you expect? After watching the Finals, I think it's pretty clear that Luka is not a person that knows his way around screens
- Halley's Comment, from A Field Guide To Luka Doncic’s Many Busted Sports-Watching Setups
They bonded over her love of leathery balls and football
- Chuck Burly, from Each New Detail About How Bill Belichick Met His Girlfriend Is The Opposite Of Romantic
Don't do it! Who knows what the Cybertruck will do once it's tasted meat?
- CaptFamous, from I Would Like To Put Lunchmeat On The Cybertruck
this is it. this is my moment.
- Cybertruck Ham, from I Would Like To Put Lunchmeat On The Cybertruck
if your lunchmeat isn't sliced yet you can use any of the panel edges
- Ryan, from I Would Like To Put Lunchmeat On The Cybertruck
Of course Jesus was into deadlifting. I wouldn't expect him to be into pilates.
- Harry Chiti and the Players to be Named Later, from Why is AI Jesus So Fucking Jacked?
*leans on railing with both hands*
Is this blog just shameless pandering to the 99% of commenters here who are also lawyers?
I leave that for you, the jury, to decide.
- FantasticBastard, from There Are Three Essential Lawyer Movies
I'm a man! I'm 0.40!
- Jay Bell's Selflessness, from Mike Gundy On Running Back’s DUI Arrest: “I’ve Probably Done That A Thousand Times In My Life”
He looks like the aged-progressed photo of a missing child
- Steam Engine, from Donald Trump Selects His Wingman
🟨😀🟨🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦
🟨🟨🟨🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦
🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦
🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦
🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦👩🦱👨🦱👩🦰
- Only Emojis*, from I Told My Kids I Peed In The Pool
HEAR IT FROM PATRIOTS FANS!
No thank you, I'm good.
- DeliciousMalk, from Why Your Team Sucks 2024: New England Patriots
Incredibly on brand for Drew to pass on the WYTS with Mayo
- Buzz Lightbeer, from Why Your Team Sucks 2024: New England Patriots
Jizzie McGuire
- Michael Cage. The Elephant, from Cal Quantrill Starts Benches-Clearing Brawl With Extremely Specific And Informed Trash Talk
Mike Pence won't even be alone in a room with a couch.
- Radagast, from A List Of Words That Do NOT Appear In ‘Hillbilly Elegy,’ So Stop Asking!!
We know that JK Rowling didn’t really invent her though, because her name isn’t Facepunch Secretpenis
- andrewjb, from J.K. Rowling Invents A Trans Olympian To Get Mad At
I can't be a racist; that couch I fucked was an import.
- Gern Blurmstein, from JD Vance, Who Loves His Wife Usha By The Way, Wants To Make Sure You Know He’s Not Racist
the Olympics are promoting "outright sodomy and the destruction of traditional values"
Do I need to subscribe to Peacock or something to get this coverage?
- Sid Financy, from Bigots Need Their Useful Idiots
Superman’s greatest power is holding onto a job at a metro newspaper.
- Idols of Mud, from Stephen Nedoroscik Pommeled That Horse
We always assumed it was anti-vaxx dipshittery, but maybe Rodgers and RFK Jr. became buddies over old stories of dismembering the Bears.
- Chuck Burly, from Why Your Team Sucks 2024: New York Jets
Holy hell it’s the worlds first hat with garnished wages
- Kangaroo Jack Nicholson, from I Found That Jaguars Hat You Like
Every Republican campaign feels like a stranger showing up at your door to bitch about his ex-wife for three hours.
- Idols of Mud, from Men On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown
Russian Chess Player Arrested For Allegedly Poisoning Opponent With Mercury
I think Dostoevsky rejected this premise as being "too Russian".
- TheFunBoy3Version, from Russian Chess Player Arrested For Allegedly Poisoning Opponent With Mercury
Say what you want about Pat McAfee, but when you watch him, you merely lose the will to live, not the means.
- JR, from 'ESPN Bet’ Is A Black Hole
“Here at Disney, we prefer to think Ms. Tangsuan FastPassed+ away. It's what she would have wanted.”
- Hollow Log, from A Disney World Pervert’s Take On: Wrongful Death At A Themed Irish Pub
told the crowd that "our children are now the sickest, unhealthiest children in the world."
He went on to say this "completely ruins the flavor."
- Utah Jazz Hands, from Stupid And Contagious
9-11 if you flip it over is... 11-6 so McDermott clearly knows that he's doing.
- Johnny Yukon, from Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Buffalo Bills
Update: I remembered to toss out the frozen grease cans
- philaDLJ, from Oasis Is Back, You Wankers!
I tried to drop Butker from my fantasy team (I know, I know) in Week 7 last year after figuring out what a shithead he was, but for some reason, I kept getting an error that I was not allowed termination after 6 weeks?
- Utah Jazz Hands, from Why Your Team Sucks 2024: Kansas City Chiefs
I’ll never forget the first day I had whiskey
“It was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died."
- Miller, from Beyoncé Comes Off As Very Real And Human In Email Interview With GQ
Giri, thanks for clarifying
- rory, from Where Do You Like Your Butter?
I don't have to disclose why it went extinct. That's hippo.
- Nylon Curtain Hair, from Tiny Hippo Went Extinct Because It Was Not As Cute As Moo Deng, Probably
Leave it to the Microsoft guy to force you to buy a whole suite
- Bounty, the Dog Hunter, from Clippers Fans, And Only Clippers Fans, Can Now Buy Alcohol At 3:17 In The Morning In California
TRUE MAN DEFEATS DEWEY
- Drewbert Thompchesky, from Shohei Ohtani Ends His Season Dismantling The Entire Concept Of The Decimal System
he looks like an eight year old trying to touch a basketball net
- Arbys-Night, from Check Out These Cool Moves!
Look at my African American
- Bette Davis’ Cigarette, from Check Out These Cool Moves!
Chunk can still win Fat Bear Week if Mike Pence has the courage to do the right thing
- Hit Bull Win Steak, from Bear Wins Fat Bear Week By Defeating Bear That Killed Her Cub
Ladies and gentleman of the Defectorate, I'm just a Bears fan. I downed some Portillos and fell into the Lake Michigan ice and was thawed out by some of your U of C doctors. This forward pass offense resulting in touchdowns frightens and confuses me.
- TARS, from The Jaguars Are On The Cusp Of The Slope
He's so sick of Eagles fans that he's cancelled his Defector subscription
- CaptFamous, from Nick Sirianni Has Had It Up To Here With The Fans Of The Team He Coaches
And with that, his heel turn is complete
- CaptFamous, from Crying Deshaun Watson Carted Off Field After Non-Contact Leg Injury
Heartbreaking: The Worst Injury You Know Just Made A Great Point
- Getaway Cat, from Crying Deshaun Watson Carted Off Field After Non-Contact Leg Injury
To have such a life-changing event forced on you without your consent.
- RonnieBarzel, from Crying Deshaun Watson Carted Off Field After Non-Contact Leg Injury
“I Had One Good Election Prediction Ages Ago But Now I Have A Crippling Gambling Habit Please Don't Stop Paying Me” by Nate Silver
- Old School Zero, from No Matter What Happens In This Election, Nobody Is Allowed To Get Mad At Me
I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with everyone here. The hat was blue with black font.
- Bounty, the Dog Hunter, from Nick Bosa Wants The Attention Without The Culpability
ME GOBLS is Stephen Miller's car.
- StoolSamplePresidente, from Nick Bosa Wants The Attention Without The Culpability
Which Muppet would be the best in bed, assuming Jim Henson gave them anatomically correct genitalia?
The Swedish Chef's gonna bork in yer flerpy
- Hemmerling For Mitchell, from Don’t Sauce My Fried Chicken If You Suck At It
Fuck.
- Dr Emilio Lizardo, from This Place Is All Fucked Up
Giannis is just trying anything to turn the Bucks around, even if it means employing sikeological warfare.
- Drewbert Thompchesky, from NBA Friendship Wobbled By Ill-Timed Fake Handshake
😬…..………..………😬
😬…..…..……………😬
😃🏉…..…….…..…😬
😬…..………..………😬
😬…..…………..……😬
😬…..………..………😬
😬…..…………..……😬
😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
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- Only Emojis*, from Jared Goff Threw Five Interceptions And None Of Them Mattered
Jerry just can't understand why a curtain would be necessary for these players. In his youth, if you wanted to protect your face from the light of day, you wore a hood.
- Utah Jazz Hands, from Jerry Jones Does Not Have Sufficient Respect For The Sun
Madison Prewett Troutt
I'm assuming that some of those extra "t's" are hanging around waiting to be burned in someone's front yard
- Bounty, the Dog Hunter, from It’s Safe For Lifestyle Influencers To Be MAGA Now
How am I supposed to buy that Frosty believes ACAB when I know he is pro-ICE?
- Halley's Comment, from Defector Watches A Christmas Movie: ‘Hot Frosty’
The Bears lost because of a multitude of mistakes, but I'm sure their fans will insist on blaming the kicker. Denial runs through Cairo.
- Possums, from The Bears Continue To Innovate In The Space Of Crushing Last-Second Defeat
This comment begins, as all comments here do, with a pun - a play on words powerful enough to puncture the metaphor of the article. And now the listing 42-year-old author of a comment careens gently into the semi-homeless 16-year-old runaway of a conclusion, leaving the butchered blog in the digital dust of the internet. Lightning darkly flashes across the silent sky: this comment is over.
- GarfunkelsAfro, from Can Someone Please Write Normally About This Fascinating Woman?
Kalendio was killed because the other gladiators were sick of his stupid impressions
- Michael Cage. The Elephant, from Gladiators, Ranked
If only there were some other instance in American history where people were highly concerned with ensuring segregated bathrooms, claiming it was about their safety. Wonder if we could collectively learn any lessons from that period, even beyond bathroom segregation.
- Woz, from The Purpose Of A Bathroom Law
one officer was hurt and taken to a hospital but provided no details on what type of injury it was, how severe it was, or how it happened.
A person on the field whispered "fentanyl" into his ear.
- Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower., from Police Pepper Spray Players During Michigan-Ohio State Postgame Fight
The Giants would be the easiest spot - to swap his uniform, he'd just go to the New York new jersey area
- Mr Narwhal, from Aaron Rodgers Suffers Further Indignity
“Sir how did this toy dinosaur get in your rectum?”
“Wife….finds a way.”
- Steam Engine, from What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
It's just a sparkling wine scimitar unless it comes from the saber region of western New York.
- nad_krats, from The 2024 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
ITEM #20-5506830 – WILLIAMS SONOMA CHAMPAGNE SABER
Still better than my BUFFALO SABRE which hasn't been able to open a single bottle of champagne in 50 years
- Hit Bull Win Steak, from The 2024 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
Ah, Green Bay. Where the local football team and college basketball coach are publicly owned.
- 12thSonoftheLama (grace, bald, striking), from Doug Gottlieb Humbled By Michigan Tech, Life
Glue lives matter
- Chili Con Carny, from They Defunded The Ponies
*grimace*
- Gestalty Bitch, from I Would Not Take My Post-Assassination Meal At An Altoona McDonald’s, But I Guess I’m Built Different
Disguise. Decamp. Doublequarterpounderwithcheese.
- Mr Narwhal, from I Would Not Take My Post-Assassination Meal At An Altoona McDonald’s, But I Guess I’m Built Different
THIS CAT. I CALL HER "OTTOMAN" BECAUSE SHE'S HELL BENT ON CONSUMING ALL OF TURKEY.
- Hit Bull Win Steak, from I Have Created A Turkey Fiend
