Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Ray Ratto and Israel Daramola will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.
Israel Daramola: It’s not quite autumn, but it is college football season. America’s favorite roux of bloodsport, campus pageantry, and shady bookkeeping returns in a moment of existential crisis for the sport, as playoff fever and corporate greed threaten to tear asunder the things we once held precious. Not content to make the bowl season meaningless, college football bosses' desire to expand the playoff field astronomically also threatens to devalue the regular season.
The beauty of the college game is how stupid and silly it is. Things that matter to no one else will matter deeply on campuses all over the country. Traditions are held, national titles are argued over, and because we’re talking about college here, convoluted excuses to get blindingly drunk are granted. We do not suffer under the rigid perfectionism of the NFL—the dumber the games get here, the better they are. Let us never lose sight of this. Week 0 had an appetizer of stupidity, but now I’m ready for the full meal. What say you, Ray?
Ray Ratto: Week 1 is going to explain what kind of college football the audience prefers—Lee Corso being the first old person in any walk of life over the last 75 years to be allowed a totally graceful exit, or Dave Portnoy being muscled off the field at Ohio State because either the school, his own network, or both don’t want him out there. The sport has always leaned into the traditional, but the business has never been less interested in tradition; what we are about to learn, albeit in slow motion, is whether college football wants to be the NFL, the Premier League, or the banner for separatist America. This is just a longwinded way of saying the games this weekend better be damned good to get our minds off the boiling vat of bullshit that the industry has been stirring. In other words, get ready for the big story of the year being how quickly we can get sick to death of Arch Manning, and how sick to death we can get compared to how sick to death we will be about Tay Tay and Trav. Israel is correct that the sport is about embracing the stupid, except the stupidity is now fully weaponized. Strap in, kids, for all the eye-melting, skin-shredding fun.
Let’s get to the games.
Auburn at Baylor - Friday, 8:00 p.m. ET on Fox
It is so funny that every time Auburn comes up I have to force myself to remember that Hugh Freeze is their coach. No one should be happier that paying players is legal now, and yet there is no reason to believe Auburn will dig itself out of mediocrity and irrelevance this season. The offensive line still has questions, special teams is still a mess, and their new starting QB Jackson Arnold, fresh out of Oklahoma, got benched for a true freshman last year. And yet, I’d still probably take them over a Baylor team that has not been the sum of its parts throughout Dave Aranda’s term. Baylor will probably need big turnovers and to turn this game into a mess to come out of it on top. But hey, think of the messiest program you know … it’s an SEC team destined to go 5-7, isn’t it? – Israel
Georgia Tech at Colorado - Friday, 8:00 p.m. ET on ESPN
The first real blow of the new season has been endured, and that is the other face of Colorado football being retired before the game. That would be Ralphie VI, the buffalo employed as the Colorado mascot, who literally has been sent to pasture "due to an indifference to running, typical of many mammals both two-legged and four-legged," according to an announcement from the school. Evidently this incarnation of Ralphie routinely declined the offer to spring onto the field to lead the Buffaloes into action for the perfectly good reason that there is no NIL for non-human members of the football team. We back Ralphie VI unreservedly as a mammal who understands that being a one-beast stampede for the amusement of drunken yahoos is not a rewarding life in any way, and that it is much better to walk gracefully through life holding a cool drink and enjoying the bounties of nature. The only drawback to that dream is Ralphie not having hands with opposable thumbs, but we are with him in spirit. As a result, Colorado takes the field not with a thundering beast but a walking Deion Sanders, who has had health scares in the offseason and is therefore not likely to be as needlessly performative as usual. That ought to get the crowd in Boulder going. – Ray
Texas (1) at Ohio State (3) - Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on Fox
*deep sigh* It is time to talk about Arch Manning. Of the New Orleans Mannings. They’ve got a bit of history around these parts.
This is not only the most hyped game of the weekend, it might be the most hyped game of the entire regular season. Here is where we get our first look at the latest iteration of an always loaded Texas roster. The team is led by Steve Sarkisian and college ball’s latest prince that was promised, Arch Manning. High expectations and early championship forecasting are sure to get the thirstiest fanbase in college football frothing at the mouth all season, and the Longhorns get a chance to prove themselves right out of the gate. Because it is Texas, the season will likely end in disappointment for everyone involved. But that’s a problem for the future, because although I find the Arch Manning hype train to be moving way too fast—the only things we really know about Manning as a football player is that he kinda underachieved as a supposedly historic quarterbacking prospect and couldn’t beat out Quinn Ewers for two years—I still think Texas will come out on top this weekend.
The defending champion Buckeyes have a mostly new roster, including new quarterback Julian Sayin. Although there are very high expectations around Sayin, he is every bit as much of an unknown as Manning. But Manning at least has played games before, and while I expect Ohio State to be mostly great this season, this is a tough way to break in a young team. If OSU doesn’t come away with a win here, I imagine they’ll go undefeated the rest of the way until they lose to Michigan for a fifth time somehow. It’ll be disappointing if this thing isn’t close going into the final minutes; if it is, we will see what Arch Manning is made of. – Israel
Syracuse at Tennessee (24) – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN
The Vols reached the college football playoff last year, which is in and of itself proof of two things—they could defend, and they could really defend. It's the offense that needs to be repaired, especially now that quarterback Nico Iamaleava left for UCLA over NIL negotiations. People want to fix the system so that things like this will never happen again, but those people understand nothing. This is how college football must be in the new world order, with price tags nailed to every forehead in sight.
As for Tennessee, they will be lucky to finish in the upper half of the SEC this year, which would be perfect as soon as Big Ten commissioner Joe Petitti expands the playoff to 34 teams—all the SEC and B1G schools, with middle fingers sent everywhere else. In sum: no playoff, disappointment reigns, and Rick Barnes becomes the first football/basketball head coach combo in 120 years. As for Syracuse, they are working on their second consecutive transfer quarterback, and most of their skill players are gone too, so 10-3 seems damned unlikely. And that’s before you get into their preposterous schedule, which includes Clemson, SMU, Miami, and Notre Dame. In the immortal words of Dean Vernon Wormer, two teams looking at lesser seasons than the ones they had in 2024 is no way to go through life, son. – Ray
Temple at Massachusetts - Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
This is almost certainly the worst D-I-vs.-D-I matchup of the opening week, between two teams that have had a horrifying decade so far—a combined record of 19-77 in four full seasons, plus 1-10 in the truncated COVID season. But UMass is beginning its new era by rejoining the Mid-American Conference, which it left nine years ago in search of bigger things as an independent; those bigger things ended up being a record of 18-82. The Minutemen have not had a winning record since 2010, but we can see the renaissance from here, and by "renaissance," we mean "four wins." As for Temple, the Owls sprung Matt Rhule into prominence a decade ago (sorry, Carolina), but haven't had a moment worth noting since losing the 2019 Military Bowl to North Carolina, 55-13. This game will offer a hint as to whether the Owls can improve the 127th best offense (out of 134) a year ago. It's hard to imagine that they can't, at least not for a week. – Ray
Alabama (8) at Florida State - Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
If there was ever a time to beat Alabama, this would be it. They’ve got a lesser coach and are no longer the dynastic force they once were. The problem, though, is that the Noles aren't, either. My school and hometown team have a lot going against them, starting with milquetoast coach Mike Norvell, who has STILL shown no ability to actually recruit and develop a team unless it comes prepackaged via the transfer portal. No amount of lawsuits or posturing to get into a premier conference can do away with this fact. Gus Malzahn is running our offense, which might inspire confidence if 2010 Cam Newton was also walking through that door, but he’s not. I have high hopes for Thomas Castellanos, but he’s playing behind another offensive line patched together from the portal. It’s like they want to kill their quarterbacks at this point.
And as much fun as everyone had dancing on the grave of Alabama football last year, they still managed to go 9-3 in the regular season and to do what talented but unfocused teams do: win the big games, lose the dumb ones. Even with Ty Simpson replacing Jalen Milroe, there’s plenty of things about Alabama that you can depend on to be top notch, including wide receiver Ryan Williams, who is sure to be the best in the nation this year. Kalen DeBoer is still a high quality coach even if he isn’t Daddy Saban, and it’s way more likely that Bama is better this year than the alternative. Still, the homer in me cannot bring myself to bet against the Noles—we’re gonna shock the world! Or not. – Israel
LSU (9) at Clemson (4) - Saturday, 7:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
The Tiger Bowl. The battle for Death Valley. Twin shadows dueling in the brisk evening dusk. God’s loudest soldier in Dabo Swinney against Brian Kelly, who is not quite the devil but is certainly red enough to fool the unsuspecting.
There are high hopes for Clemson this season. After outlasting the transfer portal fever of the last five years and showing a brief glimmer of life in last year’s playoff, there’s a strong belief that they can make a real national title run behind third-year starter Cade Klubnik. Clemson’s biggest superpower has always been that, despite (or because of) Swinney having the greasy slimeball charm of a Megachurch pastor lobbying for a cabinet position in the Trump White House, players tend to stay at Clemson longer than is typical. Maybe it’s the slide, I don’t know.
As for LSU, there are always high expectations for the Tigers. Once a decade, they trip and stumble into winning a national championship somehow, but Kelly hasn’t come particularly close yet, even as he huffs and puffs down the sideline. Quarterback Garrett Nussmeier is back, and like Clemson, LSU is sure to have NFL talent all over key positions on offense and defense. But we have enough of a sample size to know that LSU tends to struggle in their opening night matchups, and there’s no real reason to believe that will change until proven otherwise. – Israel
Hawaii at Arizona - Saturday, 10:30 p.m. on TNT
The hook here is 25-year-old Hawaii kicker Kansei Matsuzawa, who beat Stanford with two late field goals a week ago. The hook being, of course, that he was a soccer player who learned how to be a placekicker by watching YouTube videos. This of course creates new fury from the get-rid-of-kickers knuckleheads who say, "If anyone can do it, why should anyone be allowed to do it?" when in fact the answer to that is of course, "That is EXACTLY why, you soulless flesh-eating screwworm." Never mind that Matsuzawa was also the Rainbow Warriors' kicker last year—he's the new toy in town because we just noticed him, more proof that college football is now just a tarted-up regional sport because nobody wants to pay attention to anything west of Austin. Nothing else about this game really should impact your weekend. – Ray
Utah at UCLA - Saturday, 11:00 p.m. ET on Fox
Really, the only thing that makes this game a must watch—beyond just being a recovering Pac-12 after dark sicko—is new UCLA transfer quarterback Nico Iamaleava. You might remember Nico as the kid who asked for a raise from Tennessee’s NIL collective and got shown the door instead, which was treated as a big win for the sanctity of college football and other made up fairy tales. Neither Nico nor his father, who was allegedly at the center of the controversy, gave their side of the story, and now we get to see whether or not he justifies a bigger contract with his new team at UCLA. – Israel
Virginia Tech at South Carolina (13) - Sunday, 3:00 p.m. on ESPN
South Carolina overachieved last year. Or did they? If you’re a believer in Shane Beamer you might say that the Cocks are right on schedule and ready to fully break out this year. The counterpoint is that they lost a lot of players from last year’s team, and also that they are South Carolina. Beamer is hopeful that his new, much-hyped quarterback LaNorris Sellers and his dual-threat ability will be the thing that puts the Cocks over the edge. He’s getting Cam Newton/Anthony Richardson type buzz; SC should hope he’s more of the former than the latter. Meanwhile, Virginia Tech—the program built up by the senior Beamer, Frank—also has a stout running game and a sharp coach in Brent Pry. They were frisky last year and could remain so. South Carolina is expected to win this one big, so expect it to be close, if not an outright upset. – Israel
Notre Dame (6) at Miami (10) - Sunday, 7:30 p.m. on ESPN
It is 2025 and nobody on Notre Dame or Miami is either a Catholic or a Convict. Instead, both teams are just corporate—one shows us how to craft a market out of nostalgia and the other evinces all the values of the new-money scam economy. Last year, Notre Dame started off disappointing and overachieved its way into the national title game. Miami won a lot early, sometimes in a questionable manner, and then combusted at the finish line.
It’s unclear what to expect from either program this time around. Miami cashed in some of that crypto in order to give Carson Beck a ridiculous amount of money to transfer over from Georgia and try to keep Mario Cristobal off the hot seat. On the other sideline, college football’s most handsomest coach, Marcus Freeman, curried a lot of favor after that playoff run, but at Notre Dame that can run out quickly. But who needs a championship when you have self-righteousness? – Israel
TCU at Bill Belichick - Monday, 8:00 p.m. ET
Nothing says a mediocre team quite like when the coach is the face of the operation, and Belichick is the faciest face in the sport this year. And let's be honest—you, we, all of us don't care about North Carolina except for Belichick. Even Deion had a son and a Heisman Trophy winner to provide cover. Belichick just has a bunch of guys you remember seeing glowering next to him on NFL sidelines in the past.
Some numbers to know: Over-under on Belichick furrowed brows: 81.5, or half the plays in the game. Over-under on Jordon Hudson in the suite shots: 1.5, if only because she has enough self-awareness to not get in the way of the football now that the football is finally here. – Ray
Enjoy the games.
