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The Philadelphia Eagles have hired a head coach opposite Dan Campbell on the kneecap-eating spectrum: former Colts offensive coordinator Nick Sirianni, whose introductory press conference was this afternoon and went—ah, well, it went, anyway.

So he was a little nervous making his big speech! That's OK. Anxiety around public speaking is very common and perfectly understandable. If there's cause for disconcert here, it's that inspiring confidence under pressure is a not-insignificant part of an NFL head coach's job. This also makes the reporting about Kansas City offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy "not interviewing well" look slightly more ludicrous than it already did. If we're to continue believing this rumor and assume some kind of meritocracy exists in NFL hiring, the only explanation left is that Bieniemy remained perfectly silent for the entire duration of his meetings with teams.

Sirianni's press conference, which can be found in full here, is not an easy watch. Things seem to go south at about the 19:40 mark, and don't really improve, so those with low cringe-tolerance should stick to the excerpt below. Be advised that it reads better than it sounded:

I'd like to thank all the coaches, all right? All the coaches that have helped shape me to the coach I am today. You know, you take a little bit of each coach that you've been around, right, you take a little bit of each coach that you've been around and you make—and you make yourself out of that. You take with the good, you take the bad, and you—and you make the—you make the best—you make the best out of you from those people.

It wasn't all bad: Sirianni regained confidence at a few points, mostly when he read off names of different people he'd like to thank. The good news for the 39-year-old coach is that he will be able to work on improving his oratorical skills and putting systems in place with the gentle, patient encouragement of the most gracious fanbase in the NFL.

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