Welcome to the Defector College Football Watch Guide, where Israel Daramola and Ray Ratto will tell you which of the weekend’s college football games are worth giving a crap about.
Israel: Well, just when you think you have a handle on which teams are good and which are bad, you get a weekend like the last one. Starting off with my squad at Florida State, a team I mistakenly started to believe in. Tommy Castellanos was looking like 2010 Cam Newton and we were right at the goal line for a perfect rivalry game between undefeated Miami and undefeated FSU—and then what do ya know, a Mike Norvell football team forgot how to play the sport for a night. But hey, maybe Virginia actually is the best team in the ACC! I definitely don’t secretly suspect they’re going to totally dog it against Louisville Saturday, no sir.
So who is good? Hell if I know. Miami’s defense looks good (unfortunately for me), but Carson Beck is not making the diamond tester beep (fortunately for me). Alabama is suddenly good again, but I still think they’ve got one more dumb loss in them. Georgia is both bad and good, sometimes in the same drive. Ohio State, Penn State, and Oregon are all good in the same ways, able to just kinda coast on their recruited talent rather than a dominant game plan. Arch Manning definitely isn’t good, but he’s trying so hard, guys. I don’t know if Georgia Tech is any good but Haynes King might be the strongest, scariest boy alive and he’s trying so hard, guys. Tennessee is pretty good, unfortunately for Nico Iamaleava. Ole Miss is also pretty good, and they will eventually lose three or four games per usual, unfortunately for the Confederacy. That is college football in 2025.
Ray: Bobby Petrino? Hell yes, Bobby Petrino. At this point, why not Bobby Petrino? Nothing is ever so bad that you can’t look back into the distant past for glory and think it can be immediately reproduced. So it is at Arkansas, where the Razorbacks kept the streak of high-profile firings going by smoking Sam Pittman after they were edged at the final gun by Notre Dame, 56-13. Petrino was the high-water mark of the school’s largely forlorn time in the SEC, going 34-17 overall and 17-15 in conference, only to get fired because he got caught having an affair with a staff assistant, getting into a motorcycle accident with her on the back, lying to the school about the relationship and, frankly, for being an embarrassment even though his last game was a win over Kansas State in the Cotton Bowl. He was hired last year as Pittman’s offensive coordinator because, well, he’s Bobby Petrino, and was the obvious choice for Pittman’s job because, well, he’s Bobby Petrino. His first act as interim coach was to fire three defensive assistants because, well, you know, and he has made it clear he wants to be considered for the full-time job next year because, well, it’s Arkansas. The school is 27-78 in the SEC since Petrino went easy ridin’, and their budgetary issues viz. NIL and the transfer portal are admitted and well known. But hell yes, Bobby Petrino, because 2011 was just last week, and even knowing Jeffrey Epstein is forgivable.
On to the games.
Sam Houston at New Mexico State – Thursday, 9:00 p.m. ET on CBSN
Yeah, we know it was last night, but you should watch it now on replay because you don’t often get a road team with zero wins and the lowest point total and highest points allowed in the sport giving 2.5 points to a home team that’s 2-2. We would never question the wisdom of the sociopaths who set Conference USA lines, but . . . how is this possible? Surely the line would move by game time, though it stayed at 1.5 to 2. We need to watch and find out how the sausage is ruined, because someone’s betting this game enough to nudge the number, and not enough people should bet games like this to move the line even a Planck’s length. — Ray
WKU at Delaware – Friday, 7:00 p.m. ET on CBSN
Are you ready for some Friday night lights in Conference USA?! Delaware has earned some early notoriety by being one of the only teams Colorado can beat this year. And one thing you can trust about Western Kentucky is that their logo and uniforms will make you wish the team was much better than it usually is. This is the weekend's true battle for logo supremacy. May the best Looney Tunes reject win. — Israel
Kentucky at Georgia – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ABC
It is the annual Kentucky–Georgia game, in which a frisky Kentucky pushes a reeling Georgia to the brink until the fourth quarter, where the Bulldogs' talent difference eventually makes itself felt by sealing a win. But maybe this time will be different! — Israel
Clemson at North Carolina – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN
Train, meet wreck, and you can take that either way. Both fan bases are beginning to find fault with their coaches because that’s what you do when the nearest NFL teams suck as they do. Not sure that this is a must-win for either Dabo or Bill, but it will be a hoot watching them explain afterward how they both managed to lose the same game. And no, we have no better explanation for how this can be done than “karma needs a win.” — Ray
I just want to interject and say: I have never been more locked in for a battle of two losers. I am too seated. — Israel
Iowa State at Cincinnati – Saturday, 12:00 p.m. ET on ESPN2
A Big 12 showdown between two largely even teams, with two capable quarterbacks who have been slinging it all over the field. I wanna believe in Cincinnati. They did a good job executing that final drive against a good Kansas team but unfortunately I have no way of trusting any team to look good in consecutive weeks this year. But if you’re feeling Cincinnasty, then believe in the Bearcats against an Iowa State that will keep things close all game. — Israel
Virginia at Louisville – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. on ESPN2
Not your normal ACC showdown, but the still-unbeaten Cavaliers are coming off one of the great field stormings in modern NCAA history after their two-overtime win over Florida State, while Louisville beat Pittsburgh to go to 4-1. The school was fined $50k for the field storming, but as is always the case, this will just come off the backup long-snapper budget. — Ray
Vanderbilt at Alabama – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. on ABC
Much like the Virginia game, the most obvious thing in the world would be if, after a gutsy win to reorient their position within the rankings, Alabama blows another layup to Vandy. Last year’s game cemented the legend of Diego Pavia, a name that should be spoken in hushed reverence throughout the campus forevermore. The difference this year is that Alabama is supposed to be good even though they've been kinda bad, and despite Vanderbilt being undefeated, no reasonable person believes that they can go into Tuscaloosa and win this game two years in a row. But I hate reason and love legends, so I hope Diego Pavia's gets a new chapter. — Israel
Penn State at UCLA – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. on CBS
James Franklin’s 4-21 record against top-10 teams will not change here, in that his record against everyone else is 100-22. This is a get-well game for the Nittanies, who are still sampling the taste of ash from the overtime loss at home to Oregon (that’ll teach them to steal the Winnipeg Jets’ white-out gimmick). UCLA, meanwhile, is still getting to know new coach Tim Skipper, whose first introduction to the fan base was a field-goal loss to Northwestern. Expect the Rose Bowl to be packed for this one, mostly because Penn State travels well, if only to boo Franklin. — Ray
Texas at Florida – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on ESPN
Here’s the thing: as much as I have luxuriated in Florida’s downfall over the years and have laughed like a hyena watching them waste another year of potential and hype with bad quarterback play and ill-discipline on the field, I kinda think Florida can beat these guys. We have been lucky to avoid talking about Texas and Archmania for a few weeks as they struggle even to knock over the tomato cans on their schedule. But we've now reached the meat of the season, and there has been no indication that Texas’s offense, Sarkisian’s play-calling, or Arch Manning’s skillset has improved in any real way from that impotent debut. Manning has looked incompetent out there, in ways that have made people wonder if he’s secretly injured. The rest of the offense is doing him no favors. His receivers don’t make plays and it’s hard to know if Sark's tepid game plans are just bad or if he thinks this is all Manning can handle.
Texas should be able to rely on its great defense, but Florida’s defense is good, too. Therefore, you should expect a rock fight on Saturday, although, given how this season has gone, we'll probably end up with a shootout. If DJ Lagway can remember to throw to the players in blue this time around, they could come away with a shock to Texas’s system just before Red River next weekend. — Israel
Boise State at Notre Dame – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. on NBC
This feels like a perfect spot for Boise to put the committee suits to the test, and no, we don’t mean whether Boise can be a playoff team. The committee would rather put the Toronto Argonauts in before Boise. This is about whether Notre Dame in all its Notre Damery can still be a playoff team with three losses in the first five weeks. It is generally believed that the committee will do anything within or even beyond its powers to make sure Notre Dame gets a spot, but how many losses are forgivable even for those guys? We accept at this point that only Ohio State and Oregon are worthy of playing for the title and the more generous among us will go back and forth with Miami, but the day of the playoff announcement is always more about teams 10 through 15 than one through three, because that means we can argue about who got snubbed (a stupid word in its own right). If only this game were on the blue turf, this could be genuinely fun, but Notre Dame’s control of its schedule has always been an underrated advantage, and with only one genuinely difficult game left (USC in two weeks; sorry, Navy), they could still grease their way in at 9-3. That seems skeevy, but what about college football isn’t outwardly and brazenly skeevy now? We’ll help you with that: Nothing. — Ray
Washington at Maryland – Saturday, 3:30 p.m. ET on BTN
We should have known something might be up with this season when Maryland is looking like a good football team. They’re currently undefeated behind the arm of true freshman Malik Washington and a pretty stout defense. No one is scoring all that successfully against Mike Locksley’s team, which has allowed a talented but raw quarterback to get his sea legs. If they keep this up it might end up being the most impressive coaching job of the season. And I kinda expect them to. Washington has talent, but that Ohio State game showed a lot of flaws that another good, potentially great defense could continue to expose. Perhaps if Maryland can keep their undefeated streak going for one more week, they might finally dig themselves out of the graveyard that is the afternoon Big Ten Network game soon. — Israel
Texas Tech at Houston – Saturday, 7 p.m. ET on ESPN
There’s an arms race happening in Texas—something we all pretty much predicted the minute they made NIL legal. The state has written the playbook on how to buy a great football team. Texas Tech is noteworthy because, like Ohio State last year, its roster has a $20 million price tag next to it. So far it’s gotten them a 4-0 record, but it’s still early, and as we’ve established no one can be sure which teams are actually any good. But it’s clear which team can’t afford to not be good. — Israel
Miami at Florida State – Saturday, 7:30 p.m. on ABC
The ‘Canes are now ranked third in the country, an admission that Ohio State and Oregon are the best teams in said country, but their principal job here other than maintaining their place is to remind Florida State fans why they want Mike Norvell fired. This will end Miami’s annual Florida swing, after whomping USF and then UF, so this is more a local litmus test than a national feat of strength (that was accomplished when they beat Notre Dame in the late lamented Week Zero), and it is hard to see a game as challenging for them after this, at least until the playoff. Mario Cristobal may be promoted in local eyes from “master recruiter with some coaching on the side” to “coach,” but habits die hard in a historical hockey town like Miami. — Ray
Duke at Cal – Saturday, 10:30 p.m. on ESPN
We all (and when we say “we all,” we of course mean “the seven of you”) had a good time laughing at the Golden Bears getting shut out by San Diego State, but beating Boston College at Chestnut Hill allows the otherwise disenfranchised Cal to reimagine bowl game dreams and return coach Justin Wilcox to his familiar place on the “Other coaches rumored to be in the mix for Job X” list. With North Carolina at home after that, Memorial Stadium will throb with anticipation for . . . well, no it won’t. The ACC is still Bulgaria to Californians, and Bulgaria is getting the worst of that comp. But when they get incorporated into the Mountain West in two years as part of The Next Great Readjustment, they will pretend to care better than they do now. — Ray
