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Do Not Fear To Behold The Majestic Lake Creature

A lake creature bobs to the surface of the lake at Quail Hollow Golf Course.

That’s the lake creature.

This video, titled "Lake creature at 2021 Wells Fargo Championship," means what it says. The setting is the 2021 Wells Fargo Championship, held last week at Quail Hollow Club in Charlotte, North Carolina; there is for sure a lake—a 15-acre lake, in fact, which provides a hazard on two holes—just behind Keith Mitchell as he frames up and misses a par putt on 17; and out of that lake, just as sure as you were born, rises a lake creature.

Many will try to say this is not a lake creature. Several Youtube commenters, afraid to call a lake creature a lake creature, suggest that what has been spotted here is in fact an alligator snapping turtle. Clearly these people are in need of emergency medical care because their brains and eyeballs are not working properly. Alligator snapping turtles spend their days hanging out at the bottom of murky water, using their gross pink tongues to bait stupid prey animals. Furthermore, under no circumstances would an alligator snapping turtle have any reason to impersonate a lake creature.

An alligator snapping turtle, which very obviously is not a lake creature.
Could this alligator snapping turtle be confused for a lake creature? Absolutely not.
Could this alligator snapping turtle be confused for a lake creature? Absolutely not.Norbert Nagel via Wikimedia Commons

A local NBC affiliate was told by "[t]he director of Communications for the Wells Fargo Championship" that the monster in the lake was "most likely a catfish with a fin." Nice try, pal. Are you suggesting they make catfish without fins? Unless you are saying this catfish was using an extra fin, like the vile children with the fake shark fin in Jaws, you have done grave damage to your professional credibility and made a complete fool of yourself. Today I have learned that catfish are mostly bottom feeders and are in fact negatively buoyant—had this "director of Communications" directed their attention to Wikipedia they would have known that these traits make it physically impossible for catfish to impersonate lake creatures. Clown.

A catfish, and definitely not a lake creature.
Do not even dare pretend for one second that this catfish WITH A FIN could be mistaken for a lake creature.
Do not even dare pretend for one second that this catfish could be mistaken for a lake creature.U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service via Wikimedia Commons.

The impulse to search for simple, familiar answers when presented with evidence of eldritch horrors surging out of the murky depths of golf lakes is perfectly, quintessentially human. Nevertheless I must urge you to take the firmest possible grip of your horses and dare to watch this video with eyes wide open. What you see before you is a lake creature. It will do no one any good to spend even one moment pretending otherwise.

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