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Defector

<p>Columnist. Author of many <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Drew-Magary/e/B001JS8R52/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1">fine works of literature</a>, including <em>Point B</em>. Handsomest man in the world.</p>


Drew Magary

England's forward Harry Kane celebrates with England's forward Raheem Sterling (L) after scoring third goal during the UEFA EURO 2020 quarter-final football match between Ukraine and England at the Olympic Stadium in Rome on July 3, 2021.

Soccer

IF YEW DON’T FINK ISS COMIN ‘OME I HAVE NEWS: ISS COMIN’ ‘OME!

Funbag

A Completely Useless Guide To Switching Careers

There Are A Million Ways To Avoid Calling Yourself An Alcoholic

393787 01: Hector Ofunio applies suntan lotion to the back of his friend Leandro Munoz August 28, 2001 at the beach on Key Biscayne, Florida. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Elder Wisdom

Lemme Explain The Sunscreen

Journalismism

Frank Bruni, I’m Not Sorry

Amazon Founder and CEO Jeff Bezos talks about his 'Blue Origin Space Program' during a keynote session at the Amazon Re:MARS conference on robotics and artificial intelligence at the Aria Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada on June 6, 2019. (Photo by Mark RALSTON / AFP) (Photo by MARK RALSTON/AFP via Getty Images)

Science

You Call This Going To Space, Jeff Bezos?

on September 22, 2012 in Ruesselsheim, Germany.

Parental Screen Angst Is A Disease

CEO of Amazon Jeff Bezos (R) gestures during the Amazon's annual Smbhav event in New Delhi on January 15, 2020. - Bezos, whose worth has been estimated at more than $110 billion, is officially in India for a meeting of business leaders in New Delhi. (Photo by Sajjad HUSSAIN / AFP) (Photo by SAJJAD HUSSAIN/AFP via Getty Images)

The Dream Is To Be A Boring Asshole

An interior view of a bathroom with matching flowered wallpaper and shower curtain and blue sink, bathtub, toilet, and tiles, circa 1985. (Photo by Frederic Lewis/Getty Images)

Can I Take A Shit At An Open House?

The crew of NASA's STS-30 mission pose in front of the mid-deck starboard wall-mounted sleep restraints on the Space Shuttle Atlantis (Orbiter Vehicle OV 104), 8th May 1989. Clockwise from top right, they are Commander David M Walker, mission specialists Mary L Cleave, Mark C Lee and Norman E Thagard, and pilot Ronald J Grabe. They are wearing red, white and blue mission polo shirts and light blue flight overalls. (Photo by Space Frontiers/Getty Images)

Life Lessons

I Think I’m Done With T-Shirts

attends Kevin Hart hosts Mohegan Sun's 20th Anniversary Comedy All-Star Gala starring Sarah Silverman, Dave Attell, Margaret Cho &amp; more at Mohegan Sun on October 14, 2016 in Uncasville, Connecticut.

Dadfector

I Have Passed On To My 9-Year-Old A Love Of Dirty Comedians

I’m Worried People Might Get The Wrong Impression From My Satanist Tattoo

NEW ZEALAND - SEPTEMBER 09: Nelson Bays Brett Wallace extracts himself from the mud in his teams 2026 loss to Bay of Plenty in the Air New Zealand NPC second division match at Trafalgar Park, Nelson, Saturday. (Photo by Ross Land/Getty Images)

What We Talk About When We Talk About Soiling Ourselves

KIAWAH ISLAND, SOUTH CAROLINA - MAY 23: Phil Mickelson of the United States retrieves his golf ball on the 18th green after putting to win during the final round of the 2021 PGA Championship held at the Ocean Course of Kiawah Island Golf Resort on May 23, 2021 in Kiawah Island, South Carolina. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)

Golf

I No Longer Have To Pretend I Was Enjoying Sports Without Crowds

An old man reads a newspaper as his wife looks through a magazine circa 1940's. (Photo by FPG/Getty Images)

Underexplained Lists

Lamp Switches, Ranked

JACKSONVILLE, FL - APRIL 24: Tim Tebow is seen by the octagon during UFC 261 at VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena on April 24, 2021 in Jacksonville, Florida. (Photo by Alex Menendez/Getty Images)

The Jaguars Signed Tim Tebow For The Same Reason The Mets Did

TORONTO, ON - MAY 22: Mookie Betts #50 of the Boston Red Sox comes in from right field and plays on the lip of the infield as the Red Sox emply a five-man infield with the bases loaded in the tenth inning during MLB game action against the Toronto Blue Jays at Rogers Centre on May 22, 2019 in Toronto, Canada. (Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Mookie Betts

Analytics Aren’t Why Baseball Is Worse

Business Travel Is Meditation

circa 1945: Two couples walk arm-in-arm outdoors, laughing. The wind blows the ladies' hats and the men's hair. (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

A Taxonomy Of LOLs

SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS - MARCH 30: NCAA president Mark Emmert attends the game between the Texas Longhorns and the South Carolina Gamecocks during the Elite Eight round of the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament at Alamodome on March 30, 2021 in San Antonio, Texas. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

We’ll Never Kill The NCAA

Announcements

‘The Night The Lights Went Out’ Will Be A Book

WASHINGTON, : Beanie Babies sit on the shelf of a variety store waiting for a new owner 01 September 1999 in Washington DC. The maker of Beanie Babies, Ty Inc., announced "All Beanies will be retired" as of 31 December 1999. AFP PHOTO Joyce NALTCHAYAN (Photo credit should read JOYCE NALTCHAYAN/AFP via Getty Images)

Senators Week

Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Senate, I Urge You To Pass A Resolution Recognizing That The ’90s Are Back

WASHINGTON - APRIL 13: U.S. Senator John Kerry (D-MA) (L) shakes hands with Patriot's quarterback Tom Brady after a Rose Garden event to honor the Super Bowl Champion's the New England Patriots April 13, 2005 at the White House in Washington, DC. Kerry had knee surgery recently. (Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

No, Tom Brady Won’t Run For Office

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - FEBRUARY 28: Scouts look on as a player runs the 40-yard dash during the 2012 NFL Combine at Lucas Oil Stadium on February 28, 2012 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

Jamboroo

Hire Me To Be An Anonymous Scout, You Cowards

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - OCTOBER 21: Actor Benedict Cumberbatch attends "The Current War" New York Premiere at AMC Lincoln Square Theater on October 21, 2019 in New York City. (Photo by Roy Rochlin/Getty Images)