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Billy Haisley

Weston McKennie #8 of the United States is congratulated by Christian Pulisic #10 and Tyler Adams #4 after scoring a goal during the second half of the FIFA World Cup 2022 Qualifier match against Mexico at TQL Stadium on November 12, 2021 in Cincinnati, Ohio. The United States defeated Mexico 2-0.

Soccer

The USMNT Is Legit As Hell

Patrick Redford

NASHVILLE, TN - SEPTEMBER 05: Christian Pulisic #10 of United States runs with the ball on net against Canada during the first half of their World Cup qualifying match at Nissan Stadium on September 5, 2021 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Christian Pulisic

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Christian Pulisic

Moenchengladbach's US defender Joe Scally takes part in a training session on the eve of the UEFA Champions League, last 16, first-leg football match Borussia Moenchengladbach v Manchester City in Moenchengladbach, western Germany on February 23, 2021. (Photo by Ina FASSBENDER / AFP) (Photo by INA FASSBENDER/AFP via Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Joe Scally

COLUMBUS, OHIO - OCTOBER 13: Sergiño Dest #2 of the United States reacts as he is substituted out of the game during the second half of a 2022 World Cup Qualifying match against Costa Rica at Lower.com Field on October 13, 2021 in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Emilee Chinn/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Sergiño Dest

COLUMBUS, OHIO - OCTOBER 13: The United States celebrate a goal by Sergiño Dest #2 during the first half of a 2022 World Cup Qualifying match against Costa Rica at Lower.com Field on October 13, 2021 in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Emilee Chinn/Getty Images)

The USMNT Is Hitting Its Stride

US Paul Arriola (C) vies for the ball with by Panama's Eric Davis during their Qatar 2022 FIFA World Cup Concacaf qualifier match at the Rommel Fernandez stadium in Panama City, on October 10, 2021. (Photo by ROGELIO FIGUEROA / AFP) (Photo by ROGELIO FIGUEROA/AFP via Getty Images)

The USMNT Crapped Itself, But It’s Probably Fine

SANDY, UTAH - JUNE 09: Yunus Musah #18 of the United States in action during a game against Costa Rica at Rio Tinto Stadium on June 09, 2021 in Sandy, Utah. (Photo by Alex Goodlett/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Yunus Musah

Busio sips on an espresso after joining Venezia.

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Gianluca Busio

Dane Sealy while training with Bayern Munich last year.

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Dante Sealy

SALZBURG, AUSTRIA - MAY 22: Brenden Aaronson of FC Red Bull Salzburg controls the ball during the tipico Bundesliga match between RB Salzburg and WSG Tirol at Red Bull Arena on May 22, 2021 in Salzburg, Austria. (Photo by Andreas Schaad/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Brenden Aaronson

US Ricardo Pepi celebrates after scoring a goal during their Qatar 2022 FIFA Word Cup Concacaf qualifier match against Honduras at Olimpico Metropolitano stadium, in San Pedro Sula, on September 8, 2021. - (Photo by Orlando SIERRA / AFP) (Photo by ORLANDO SIERRA/AFP via Getty Images)

Ricardo Pepi’s Stunning Debut Put The USMNT Back On Track

NASHVILLE, TN - SEPTEMBER 05: Christian Pulisic #10 of United States protests a call against him during the second half of their World Cup qualifying match against Canada at Nissan Stadium on September 5, 2021 in Nashville, Tennessee. United States ties tied Canada 1-1. (Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Christian Pulisic

It Is Not Yet Time To Panic

Tom Ley

That Was Certainly A USMNT World Cup Qualification Game

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - AUGUST 25: Ricardo Pepi #24 of the MLS All-Stars scores in the shootout win against the Liga MX All-Stars during the 2021 MLS All-Star game at Banc of California Stadium on August 25, 2021 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Ricardo Pepi

LONDON, ENGLAND - AUGUST 17: Antonee Robinson of Fulham runs with the ball during the Sky Bet Championship match between Millwall and Fulham at The Den on August 17, 2021 in London, England. (Photo by Jacques Feeney/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Antonee Robinson

SWANSEA, WALES - NOVEMBER 12: USA player Konrad de la Fuente in action during the international friendly match between Wales and the USA at Liberty Stadium on November 12, 2020 in Swansea, Wales. Sporting stadiums around the UK remain under strict restrictions due to the Coronavirus Pandemic as Government social distancing laws prohibit fans inside venues resulting in games being played behind closed doors. (Photo by Stu Forster/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Konrad de la Fuente

BREMEN, GERMANY - DECEMBER 06: Josh Sargent of SV Werder Bremen reacts during the Bundesliga match between SV Werder Bremen and VfB Stuttgart at Wohninvest Weserstadion on December 06, 2020 in Bremen, Germany. (Photo by Oliver Hardt/Getty Images)

What Is This USMNT Guy’s Deal: Josh Sargent

USA's goalkeeper Matt Turner (C) celebrates after Qatar's forward Hasan Al Haydos (2nd R) missed a penalty kick during the Concacaf Gold Cup semifinal football match between Qatar and USA at Q2 stadium in Austin, Texas on July 29, 2021. (Photo by Sergio FLORES / AFP) (Photo by SERGIO FLORES/AFP via Getty Images)

Top-Tier Shithousery Lugs USMNT To The Gold Cup Final

Gomez introducing himself to Louisville City fans last year.

Top USMNT Prospect Headed To La Liga Under Strange, Hilarious Circumstances

SANDY, UTAH - JUNE 09: Reggie Cannon #20 of the United States celebrates a goal during a game against Costa Rica at Rio Tinto Stadium on June 09, 2021 in Sandy, Utah. (Photo by Alex Goodlett/Getty Images)

Now Comes The Hard Part For The USMNT

A shirtless Christian Pulisic celebrates his badass, game-winning penalty goal with his USMNT teammates.

Even At Its Worst, Soccer Is Still The Fucking Best

Gio Reyna #7 of USA advances the ball against Diego Rodriguez #23 of Honduras in the first half during Game 1 of the Semifinals of the CONCACAF Nations League Finals of at Empower Field At Mile High on June 03, 2021 in Denver, Colorado.

How Sweet It Is To Hate The USMNT Manager

PORTO, PORTUGAL - MAY 29: Christian Pulisic of Chelsea celebrates with the Champions League Trophy alongside teammates Antonio Ruediger, Kai Havertz and Tammy Abraham following their team's victory during the UEFA Champions League Final between Manchester City and Chelsea FC at Estadio do Dragao on May 29, 2021 in Porto, Portugal. (Photo by David Ramos/Getty Images)

What Comes After Christian Pulisic’s Historic Champions League Title?

GUADALAJARA, MEXICO - MARCH 28: Sebastian Soto #19 of United States reacts after losing the semifinals match between Honduras and USA as part of the 2020 Concacaf Men's Olympic Qualifying at Jalisco Stadium on March 28, 2021 in Guadalajara, Mexico. (Photo by Refugio Ruiz/Getty Images)

The U.S. Men’s Soccer Team’s Hideous Olympic Qualifying Failure Is A Complete Embarrassment

Ray Ratto

Christian Pulisic of USA scores their side's second goal past Conor Hazard of Northern Ireland during the International Friendly between Northern Ireland and USA at Windsor Park on March 28, 2021 in Belfast, Northern Ireland.