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This Is So Stupid

Samer Recognized A Fart Online

1748, A scientist demonstrates an electrical experiment at a meeting of a scientific society in London. (Photo by MPI/Getty Images)
Samer explaining to the staff how he identified the fart.
MPI/Getty Images

This afternoon in Slack, our work chatroom, Patrick shared a cute little viral video, as we do from time to time. None of us were prepared for what happened next.

What follows is a (very lightly edited) direct transcript of the next 20 minutes. Display names are as they appear in Slack.

Patrick:

obviously sound on

Samer: :sob:

somehow i recognize that audio from the guy who farted into the walmart phone, but it’s still good

Patrick: oh damn really?

Samer: yeah, the brassiness of it is distinct

Patrick: this man knows his toots

David Roth: Tuba Energy

Samer:

still the dog clearly woke itself up with a toot

Barry Petchesky: this mf recognized a fart online

Chris Thompson: samer what the fuck

Samer: i’ve seen this video like 20 times

giri: that might be a blog man

public penance

Patrick: samer i am in all sincerity awestruck

Tom Ley: lol

Barry Petchesky: “i know a wal-mart fart when i hear it, goddamnit”

costco, whatever

Tom Ley: I Recognized A Fart Online

giri: :sob:

Tom Ley: This Online Fart Is Known To Me

giri: like proust with the madeleine

Samer: it was like six months ago though, it’s not that impressive

Barry Petchesky: i’m simultaneously in awe and horrified here

Kelsey McKinney: samer what the fuck

David Roth: Like a sommelier

Detecting notes

Kelsey McKinney: this is an artistry i didn’t know existed and also fear

Patrick: samer is sniffing the tape here

Kelsey McKinney: this is tbh investigative journalism

Chris Thompson: samer, to repeat my earlier statement…..what the fuck, man

Barry Petchesky: this is savant behavior

Patrick: samer has an amazing brain for stuff like this

David Roth: Honestly I would trade all the dumb Trump admin shit I have stuck in my brain for Samer’s knowledge of web farts and elderly dogs.

Kelsey McKinney: i can’t even remember like my own damn life

Chris Thompson: just absolute godlike online brainage

Barry Petchesky: samer explain to me your values and abilities now

Chris Thompson: as flies to wanton boys are duplicated online farts to samer

Tom Ley: I Know This Fart And From Whence It Came

giri: this might also just be a slack transcript blog

we’ve been good about not doing those

but i think it really is one

Samer: this is not as impressive as you think it is, i promise

Chris Thompson: i am absolutely thunderstruck by what has happened here today

Samer: this video came out like half a year ago and everyone watched it!

Kelsey McKinney: samer…..

Barry Petchesky: and i guarantee that no one could have recognized the fart by sound…

Kelsey McKinney: i’m sorry but what the fuck. you’re out here trying to tell me that you recognized a meme fart from half a year ago by sound in a completely unrelated video and that this is “not impressive”

ABSURD

giri: the denial too must be part of the blog

Chris Thompson: lol

Barry Petchesky: look me in the eye and tell me that you think the amazing thing here is that EVERYONE ELSE wouldn’t recognize it, not that you did

Tom Ley: lol

giri: It’s Unimpressive That I Recognized An Online Fart As I Would The Voice Of My Grandmother

Barry Petchesky: lol

Kelsey McKinney: lol

Chris Thompson: lmao

Samer: i think if you polled twitter and asked “do you recognize this sound from another video,” in the least leading way possible, you’d get someone coming to the same conclusion as me

Kelsey McKinney: NO YOU ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT

David Roth: “I feel like anyone would’ve recognized this amplified fart noise.”

Kelsey McKinney: this is demented

David Roth: This isn’t the same thing as like the duck toys.

Kelsey McKinney: you have a special skill

David Roth: Because it involves a fart.

Kelsey McKinney: and you should be proud

Barry Petchesky: samer, post the dog fart video, without context, and i guarantee that literally no one will say “hey that’s the fart from Costco”

Chris Thompson: someone should put the duck toys noise over the dog video

see if anyone recognizes it

Kelsey McKinney: “i think if you polled twitter and asked ‘do you recognize this sound from another video,’ in the least leading way possible, you’d get someone coming to the same conclusion as me”

i’m reeling over this

WHAT

Chris Thompson: kelsey, same

i think i’m dying

my system is shutting down

Kelsey McKinney: i fully believe you are the only person who would recognize this fart sound from another video without any context at all

maybe one, two other people have this rare a mind

but none of us did and we are ALL SICKOS

Jasper Wang: i am crying laughing at all of this. i have a meeting in 7 minutes and hope i will be done crying by then

i’m crying more imagining chris unable to speak, like when the most egregious mashups play during trivia

Patrick: set the channel topic: It’s Unimpressive That I Recognized An Online Fart As I Would The Voice Of My Grandmother

Kelsey McKinney: i am also crying because i am laughing so hard

Chris Thompson: i’m not even allowed to laugh in this damn house, i have an sleeping babby

David Roth: Jasper going into a meeting with red eyes because his coworkers are master fart sommeliers

Samer:

i told you!

Kelsey McKinney: no I TOLD YOU

I said one or two other people

you have found one

find two more and u can be right

Samer: hm

[Diana enters the chat after being away from her computer]

Diana Moskovitz: whoa, I missed a lot.

Barry Petchesky: diana, we learned that samer has a gift

Samer: what’s funny is that this tweet is actually wrong because it uses another fake video of a guy using the costco audio

Kelsey McKinney: oh….my….. god

giri: i’m crying

Kelsey McKinney: samer!!!!

Barry Petchesky: samer!

Chris Thompson: samer goddammit

Kelsey McKinney: you are back to 0 sickos

Andrew Flax: i just yelled out loud

Barry Petchesky: so you’re saying that your brain is even more poisoned and powerful that the online sicko you found to defend you

Kelsey McKinney: i can’t stop crying

Chris Thompson: waiting to learn that samer knows which damn costco is the real fart coscto

Patrick: who is patient zero of the brassy flap

Samer: one second i’m going to get a second opinion

Barry Petchesky: what the fuck

Kelsey McKinney: FROM WHO

Andrew Flax: from a dang mental health professional

giri: it’s too late man

feinberg can’t save you now

Kelsey McKinney: YOU THINK THE 20 OF US ARENT SECOND OPINIONS?

you have 19 nos and 1 yes and are like “hmmmm. this can’t be right”

David Roth: He’s definitely asking Ashley though.

[Ed. note: Samer was, in fact, asking Ashley Feinberg.]

Barry Petchesky: ok he’s asking in another chat i’m in but he’s priming the pump by framing it as “do you recognize this sound from another video”

which to me is cheating

Kelsey McKinney: good recon barry

David Roth: “Back me up on this, all the fucking weirdos at work are getting on me over it: you also instantly recognize the provenance of mildly viral online flatulence, right?”

Kelsey McKinney: honestly, even if you gave me that i would be like….. no?

i do not have a log of online fart sounds in my head paired with their accompanying videos!

giri: samer you can’t say anything beyond “Any thoughts on this video?”

don’t taint the sample

Barry Petchesky: yeah this is nawt scientific

[Ed. note: Even with the prompt no one in the other chat, not even Ashley Feinberg, recognized the fart sound.]

Kelsey McKinney: i just scrolled up and realized that the only thing patty said was “sound on”

there was no other context at all and samer is like “hm fake fart, stolen directly from this youtube video of this specific costco fart”

incredible

Samer: yeah! so i was listening to the sound and was like “this sounds familiar,” and then it came to me

Barry Petchesky: right, that’s your incredible brain in action

Patrick: this is like how someone will ask lebron about like the suns and then he’ll recount the final 25 plays of a game they played two weeks ago

Chris Thompson: Absolutely Do Not Try To Use This One Fart Noise Anywhere On The Internet Or I Will Find You

Jasper Wang: ok i have not finished crying but i am going to close slack so i can try to be professional in this meeting

giri: yeah samer is the lebron of other people ripping ass

[Maitreyi enters the chat after being away from her computer]

Maitreyi Anantharaman: hmm, should i scroll up

[Fin.]